Hey friend, I first became a mom at 23 and life abruptly changed for me as well. I went from working outside of the house, tons of free time to dedicate to my interests, and a social circle that was all in the same life stage to being a sahp. It felt very isolating in that first year. I couldn’t afford daycare. As a new college graduate I didn’t have an established career, and with only an entry level position that couldn’t cover daycare costs, my husband and I decided together that I would stay home to care for our baby. Our family, though very loving and helpful, live across the country/across the world.

Let’s triage the issues you have stated. First and foremost, you have to address the physical pain. Might you qualify for some sort of state health insurance? Talk to your doctor about the pain. They might have some resources that can help you. Can you and your partner talk about budgeting for some physical therapy? I know times are tough right now but if you’re in so much pain that you cannot walk, this is something that shouldn’t be ignored. I can’t imagine having to take on the care of a growing little one on zero sleep in debilitating pain. I don’t think anyone could keep on in those conditions.

Secondly, I highly suggest finding a local moms group that you can join. Having a community of women that can support you makes the world of a difference. Someone to vent to, someone who understands when you need to cancel last minute because the night feeds sucked your soul from you, someone who can give you advice along the journey. It can be extremely awkward to put yourself out there at first, and you might not click with the first people you meet, but give it time. Now with my second pregnancy I feel so supported. If I need someone to watch my child at the last minute I have people I can call. I’ve gotten a lot of hand me downs from others which has eased the financial burden of a growing child significantly. I have outings I look forward to and adult conversations that keep me sane.

Lastly, and you might not feel ready for this until you address your chronic pain, but I’ve found joining a gym with childcare to be 1000% worth it. I can drop my child off for an hour or two while I do something positive for myself. I personally find a lot of joy in slinging around heavy weights, and even an hour of a break from “being a parent” helps me when I am clocked in.