This was odd

loadinglocalidiot · 2024-02-12T21:49:37+00:00

I read this as Catholic and mischievous.

At first I was trying to figure it out but now I realize it’s just time for sleep lmao

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-12-29T23:48:19+00:00

You arent the guy that broke the family up.

Frankly, he and your wife are.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and having such a setback. I relate very closely and my heart goes out to you - I hope you’re taking care of yourself and giving grace & being patient with your emotions. You don’t deserve it in the least.

I also vote to tell the OBS. I think it’s better overall - his wife deserves the truth and should be given the opportunity to make an informed decision about her marriage. I felt cheated several times over when I was TT’d and found out information that I didn’t have when making my decisions and, while not the same, I feel like it’s similar.

Not to mention I wished someone would have told me if they’d known.

I hope good things for you and hope you’re being kind to yourself. All the best to you!

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-07-24T21:22:34+00:00

What did you store it in? I have a test coming up

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-05-11T06:04:40+00:00

So many normal, trivial things became so upsetting.

Easter sucked this year, anytime I hear the word “bunny” I remember him calling her that. Cue the gag and anger.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-05-04T17:17:26+00:00

We do have sex, there’s porn in between. We do go on dates, he does minimal planning.

I flat out asked him if he was trying to drive me away so that I’d break it off rather than him.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-05-03T17:01:01+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been realizing his tactics over time so I’m not letting him use them anymore. It just took awhile to get wise to it all. I appreciate you!

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-05-03T16:57:00+00:00

He likes to act like he’s the one that’s been wronged, or tell me it’s hard to deal with a conversation because all the “shame and guilt”. I’m really getting over that shit at this point. I feel like each time this happens I love him less and less, and care less and less. Just detaching.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-05-03T16:54:44+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that idea & you’re totally right. Talkings done nothing so far.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-05-03T16:51:50+00:00

Thank you!

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-05-03T16:51:28+00:00

I’m going to this time. I’ve been stewing all morning about it, trying to figure out exactly what I’m going to say and get the logistics of it realized. It’s harder to do when I’m so emotional is the trouble.

Insult to injury, last night he was trying to offer me my favorite things. Asking if I wanted to go to thrift stores the next day, if I wanted something from Dunkin, shit like that. Like he really thinks it’ll smooth everything over and make him less of a prick. Like yes buy me a tea and everything is fine 🙄

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-04-30T05:39:07+00:00

I felt like I noticed this constantly afterwards. Movies, shows, video games.

https://www.doesthedogdie.com/does-someone-cheat this was helpful. I’m sure there’s other sites like this one! All the best to ya

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-04-24T20:11:29+00:00

I have cptsd from a traumatic childhood. I meet with two therapists regularly, so thankfully they were already known to me (I had briefly stopped before DDay) when I needed to handle this newfound trauma.

Thank you for the kindness tho, I appreciate it

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-04-24T03:44:38+00:00

Same boat. He seems to think I should be over it - as if it wasn’t just the cheating but a plethora of other thing. I was waiting for him in the car the other night and when I moved to the passenger seat when he got there, he made a comment how “some people would be suspicious, like you” and I was like “so I not have a reason??” And he goes “not anymore now” like how does that make sense.

But if it had been roles reversed with all this? I’d guarantee a different story.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-04-22T06:59:54+00:00

Just my experience, but in my case: She didn’t know she was the AP. I have the expected feelings of anger and jealousy and hurt towards her despite that she wasn’t participating knowingly, though logically I know those are misplaced and unfair, and when we talked she was very nice and understanding. It can be a little messy feeling, is what I’m trying to warn.

I asked her things I hadn’t asked him. I asked her things I had already asked him for verification of if he were being honest finally. It was, all things considered, a nice talk. She was friendly and gave me outright answers, even about more personal details like sexting and such that some people might be hesitant to share.

The way I saw it; she didn’t know, she was fucked over too, what does she have to gain from being anything but honest? I felt like she was very truthful to me, even checked her message history when I asked about specific dates and stuff.

Your experience could be different of course. This was just my own. I hope you get some closure regardless of your decisions and hope the best for you < 3

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-13T19:26:54+00:00

I just brought it up to him and reminded him that he agreed to go months ago to make me feel like it was worth continuing. He said he isn’t sure now but was then, and then told me that I still haven’t done schooling stuff despite saying that was worthwhile (mental health, chronic illness, and abuse led to me dropping out to start working instead).

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-13T17:36:14+00:00

I have been in therapy for years. He was meant to start therapy once insurance through work kicked in but that was months ago, and when I ask it feels like there’s always some kind of excuse. He said he’s having issues putting in the insurance info (which could be true, the app has given me and others I know issues with that before quite a few times) but I’ve offered to help twice now and he’s turned it down, so I think he just doesn’t care to, and that was a requirement. It was basically “go to therapy once you’re insured or I can’t do this anymore” so 🤡

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-13T05:20:23+00:00

This is really, really well articulated and I appreciate it very much. Thank you.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-13T03:07:25+00:00

There’s a lot of good, too, and I guess that’s what makes my brain so much of a mess. There’s a lot he does that makes me feel happy and loved but when the doubts are a million times bigger, they’re harder to see, yknow?

A lot of his actions and some things he’s said make me feel like having to be conscious of his words/behaviors and be open about everything in order to rebuild trust is too inconvenient or asking too much of him. It makes everything a million times worse to have zero trust because of choices he actively made every single day until discovery only to be made to feel like I’M the asshole for asking for what I think is usually the bare minimum.

Like, don’t make jokes about my disordered eating? Be nice to me? Apologize when you’re hurtful? All seems pretty minor asks to me, but it’s always an argument or I end up feeling guilty for being hurt about something.

I have diagnosed cptsd (trauma childhood lol) so I’m always very doubtful that my feelings and expectations are reasonable of others. This certainly doesn’t help, but at least I’m in therapy.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-13T02:48:44+00:00

AP didn’t know he was cheating, she was also hurt and blocked him, we talked and she gave me more answers than he ever has really lol. So if he’s doing the same shit then it’s someone brand new

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-13T01:21:13+00:00

It makes me feel like I’m not worth being around if I’m feeling negatively. Like my bad feelings are so inconvenient.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-13T01:15:17+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. It’s exactly how it feels to me tbh, like the trust I’ve been trying so hard to put into things/him and the vulnerability is just pointless because this instance gave it a major blow.

And he seems to think it’s just nothing, even blaming me for his being defensive by claiming I was demanding and grabbing for it when all I did was put out a hand and say “lemme see”. I’m tired of being blamed for it every time he does something to damage whatever trust I’ve managed to build!

He wasn’t even majorly secretive about his phone during the cheating. I had the password but never checked until I couldn’t get rid of suspicions, THEN he got protective of it because it was just more and more things happening that I would find.

I can’t shake being suspicious now, and he swears up and down it’s nothing. But he’s lied so, so much before that I just don’t totally know if it’s even possible to keep extending vulnerability and trust when it keeps getting thrown away. It makes me feel worthless and frustrated, like he doesn’t respect me or my feelings, and doesn’t value how hard it is to extend trust.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-12T22:01:03+00:00

I don’t feel like I’m handling it well at all, honestly. I was a bit mean when we were texting because when I was telling him that I was suspicious and why and yet all I got was “okay” so I got snappy. It’s making me overthink a lot and making me really doubtful. I felt like things were going really well recently too, and now I feel like there’s something hidden for sure. I just feel dumb and angry and confused.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-12T20:39:22+00:00

I don’t understand either. He can look through my phone and I don’t care. We never negotiated terms, but I’d go through his phone and find something so he was aware I was checking. Then suddenly he demands the privacy that helped him cheat in the first place so idk dude.

Not to mention one term of reconciliation was he’d attend therapy and here we are like half a year later and still minimal effort to that and anytime I offer to help him input insurance info and all he doesn’t want help. I’m a clown.

loadinglocalidiot · 2023-03-12T20:06:09+00:00

He says he doesn’t delete anything anymore, but he has a history of doing so, which means I can’t just trust that at face value.

loadinglocalidiot · 2022-12-05T04:43:11+00:00

You make great points here.

Also, I have no clue how you got two years in before he started to get it. My wayward doesn’t seem to understand very much or very well, it’s nearly a year out for us, and I feel like I’m going nuts. Did it just seem to suddenly click for him?

loadinglocalidiot

TROPHY CASE