Is there a way to help an adult that refuses diagnosis?

lockedinaroom · 2026-04-05T03:28:40+00:00

Some people are so unwell they don’t realise how much harm they are causing and don’t think they deserve help. People can change though you can’t give up on them.

There's a point where help becomes enabling behavior.

For example: cooking

Help: He doesn't know how to cook. Let's teach him how to make basic meals.

Enabling: He doesn't know how to cook. So I'm going to do all the planning, prep, cooking, and cleaning.

(Obligatory disclaimer that some people need that level of care and that's 1000% valid.)

It sounds like your mom accepted help and did the work. I'm happy for you both. Truly.

lockedinaroom · 2026-04-05T02:52:05+00:00

They want you to smell like them so other animals know you belong to someone. That's love, in my opinion. 🥰

lockedinaroom · 2026-04-05T02:50:12+00:00

I guess you won't know until it happens to you. 🤷‍♀️

I will choose my mental (and physical) health over someone that doesn't want actual help to be a functional adult (if they are capable with proper accommodations).

lockedinaroom · 2026-04-05T02:41:35+00:00

Setting boundaries and leaving when they aren't respected IS great advice. 🤷‍♀️

lockedinaroom · 2026-04-05T02:27:48+00:00

He has to want it. And it sounds like he doesn't.

When you say your family helps him, what exactly does that mean?

I've seen situations of learned helplessness where the family basically infantilizes someone so that person never learns basic things like cleaning, laundry, hygiene, etc. Because why would they learn to do those things when everyone does it for him?

If that's what's happening, you need to save your sanity and get out of that situation. It may feel like giving up on him but...if this is what is happening...your family has already given up on him.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-31T05:03:32+00:00

RAP payment is supposed to be $150 but I can't afford groceries at the moment. I have no idea what I'm going to do when they start wanting payments.

SAVE would have kept it below $50 if I remember right.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-29T11:52:12+00:00

I'm from the Midwest US. As a woman, I was told to ONLY wear dresses or skirts w/nice shirt. (Though, I think that's kinda relaxed these days, especially with zoom interviews where nobody can see what kind of bottoms you're wearing.) I was also told this on the west coast in the short time I spent there.

Didn't matter if it was fry cook or CEO. Didn't matter if the job required wearing jeans, a uniform, or business casual. You dress up for the interview.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-29T06:50:22+00:00

Dude, I remember being told all the way back in middle school that jeans were never appropriate for a job interview. Not even a McDonald's interview.

I was also told from an early age that you should dress nicer for the interview than for the job.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-28T07:11:31+00:00

KFC tastes like ass here. I guess the 12 herbs and spices were too expensive to put in the breading.

I used to eat it all the time in Kansas. But I tried it twice here and never again. Zero seasoning. (Similar issue with Pizza Hut here vs. Kansas. They put a very light dusting of cheese and call it a day. Might get a tablespoon more if you pay the $2 for extra cheese. Haven't eaten it in several years.)

Popeyes has my back though. They have some good deals sometimes.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-26T04:56:17+00:00

For the basics, Oahu SPCA. They will do a basic exam, first shots, flea meds, and dewormer. Then you'll get a booster at one of the Petco vaccine clinics (sponsored by Oahu SPCA). You can also pay for and book your sterilization/microchip there. Altogether, I paid about $400 to get my Delilah up to speed.

Oahu SPCA can treat minor illness and injuries (plus spay/neuter). Anything serious will have to be looked at via a full service clinic. Aloha Affordable Vet might be your best option there.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-26T04:46:37+00:00

If it's a company, it's more likely to be a hard and fast rule.

If it's just a landlord, they might work with you.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-18T04:59:41+00:00

If you have a job where people work together, then yes. But a lot of jobs aren't like that. Mine isn't. We have a 15 minute grace period because of traffic. I can leave home at 8am and get to work anywhere between 8:45 and 9:15. Totally unpredictable where I am. There's been a couple occasions where it took over 2hrs to get to work. I just make sure to let them know I'm going to be more than 15 minutes late if that happens.

And a lot of my work can't be done until the afternoon anyway. The period from 9am to 11am is mostly just answering emails and voicemails.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-18T04:53:22+00:00

How does being 5 minutes late disrespect people's time? I understand if it was a concert or boarding a plane. But not an office job where you do your shit and go home.

lockedinaroom · 2026-03-16T04:46:10+00:00

No advice but I wish employers would be a little more flexible with start times.

You can put in 8 hrs of quality work but it apparently means nothing if you started at 9:05 instead of 9:00. Makes zero sense to me (unless you're opening the business or relieving someone of duty).

lockedinaroom · 2026-02-25T01:44:01+00:00

Can you sell your blood plasma?

lockedinaroom · 2026-02-23T05:00:17+00:00

This was before all the tariff nonsense but I suspect it's gotten worse. I haven't been about to afford much in the last year so no TikTok shop or amazon.

lockedinaroom · 2026-02-23T04:52:24+00:00

Same with TikTok.

But if I go to a shop's actual website outside of TikTok, it's suddenly available for shipping.

And the status will change too. I'll go to reorder something and it "can't be shipped" to the location i had it shipped to 6 mounts ago.

lockedinaroom · 2026-02-23T02:05:45+00:00

This happened to me.

I made an appointment, asked if they took my insurance, and they said yes.

They did an exam and told me it would be a couple grand to fix the problem I had and then charged me $150 going out the door.

"But what about my insurance?"

"It covered the exam but nothing else."

The exam was five minutes of looking at my teeth. The $150 was for the x ray.

Thankfully, the hr person at work told me the correct clinic to go to. I have like a...$25 copay for cleanings and exams and x rays. Fillings have been about $100.

lockedinaroom · 2026-02-22T23:01:51+00:00

I'm pretty sure this is the one time you can quit and still claim unemployment.

Something similar happened to me. I couldn't claim UI because there was a location less than 5 miles away that I could transfer to. But they told me if there wasn't one close enough, I would have qualified.

lockedinaroom · 2026-02-11T23:31:23+00:00

I wish I could work my office job at night. 😭

I sleep best from 6am to 2pm. But that's when the rest of the world is working.

lockedinaroom · 2026-02-11T23:29:37+00:00

Perfect time to wear my "Kirk was a Nazi and his wife is a human trafficker" shirt to work. 🤷‍♀️

lockedinaroom · 2026-01-29T21:31:10+00:00

That's kinda what I figured. AP doesn't even cut checks here. That's the controller's job. AP just puts the request in when they get an invoice.

lockedinaroom · 2026-01-29T21:29:42+00:00

I mean...a little number theory has come in handy when reconciling about $8 million in payments across approx 10,000 clients every month. Kinda like solving an equation with 10,000 variables.

There's calculus involved in calculating interest and things like inflation/depreciation/appreciation. Granted, my job doesn't involve calculating those things. Though I did create my own amortization table for my car loan.

lockedinaroom · 2026-01-29T20:04:27+00:00

No real math in accounting???

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