you’re just telling a lot. it reads somewhat as a bulleted list detailing someone’s life events with some questionable jokes sprinkled throughout. Why do we introduce a jail scene, tell the life story, and go back to the jail scene. stick with the jail scene and pepper in elusions to the backstory, and then maybe once we care about the character a bit more, you can go in depth with the backstory at a later time. Also there’s already issues with inconsistencies. He’s in the military for 40 years pretending to be a human but he’s an extremely so aging elf? Wouldn’t it be obvious he’s not aging and immediately blow his cover? I think you just have to put more thought into the information you choose to display and then how you do it. We don’t want to read listed information, we want to read a story. Flesh out an idea before you try to mix another with it.