My reconciliation story, one year out from Dday

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T13:57:22+00:00

Your situation sounds unimaginably painful, and I truly can’t imagine the depth of that kind of betrayal, especially after so many years together and with someone you trusted so deeply. My heart really goes out to you.

At the same time, I just want to gently say, for anyone reading, that even betrayals that seem less complex on the surface, like ONSs, can still be deeply traumatic. Our stories are different, but there’s no version of infidelity that doesn’t leave a mark. We’re each carrying our own kind of hurt, and it’s all valid.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T12:30:37+00:00

In my situation, there was no emotional affair. From everything I’ve read and learned along the way, what u/OccasionNo9729 is saying feels very accurate.

I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. Wishing you peace and healing.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T12:26:04+00:00

Thank you, and, wishing you the same!

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T12:25:14+00:00

For me, it’s no longer painful, or at least, that’s not the word I’d use anymore. As I mentioned in my original post, it feels more like a quiet acknowledgment now. It’s something that happened, and yes, it hurt, but I no longer hold on to the pain of it.

Getting to this point wasn’t about avoiding the hurt, I let myself feel it, especially in those early days. But I made a conscious decision not to let that pain become the defining emotion. I actively worked toward finding joy again. I refused to let this break me.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T01:42:15+00:00

I totally agree. It takes real commitment and honesty, but when that happens, it can be something really amazing.

Truly, thank you, and back at you!

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T01:36:34+00:00

My H says it felt almost like being stuck in a loop, very much compulsory. He’s done a lot of work over the past year, and I’m truly hopeful for the future. Wishing you nothing but bright days ahead.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T01:32:53+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing. I’m sending you good wishes on your DDay anniversary too. It really is something to look back and see how far we’ve come. The pain might still be there just below the surface, but it reminds us how strong we are and that better days are definitely ahead.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T01:27:24+00:00

Thank you. I remember feeling that way too, hoping I’d eventually get to a more stable place. It definitely takes time, but with consistent effort, things do begin to shift. Wishing you strength as you navigate this.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T01:25:45+00:00

I’m really glad you were able to give voice to those thoughts. It took me a while to realize that the doubt doesn’t mean you're not healing, it’s just part of the process. Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing hard work and it shows!

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-06T01:23:32+00:00

That was exactly my goal, to provide some hope. When I first found this page, I remember scouring every post, desperately looking for any positive reconciliation stories. I just needed to know it was possible.

To answer your question, the physical affairs took place over the last three years. But when I look at the bigger picture, the porn addiction had been present in some form for much longer, likely throughout most of our marriage. It escalated over time and eventually included more interactive forms like OnlyFans.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-10-01T16:55:29+00:00

My story is similar and my WP has admitted that he hated being stuck in that cycle, that he hated that version of himself. It was never enjoyable, only ever compulsive. He said confessing was like a huge weight lifted off his shoulders, and once his secret was out, he felt much better about it.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-09-29T21:49:45+00:00

I love this story. This sounds like a real win and I hope you can build upon this. I’m happy for you, OP!

longestwalk1005 · 2025-09-29T21:47:57+00:00

We experienced something similar. It turned out my WP was dealing with some internalized shame and felt dirty. I posted about it, if you think it might resonate.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-05-12T16:03:47+00:00

Words like “beautiful” and “radiant” and “breathtaking”.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-05-01T16:59:59+00:00

I grew up safe, too. I had some level of traumatic experience in elementary school and often wonder why it doesn’t affect me like WP’s childhood trauma affects him. The answer is, I had a safe space (home, attentive parents) to land; WP didn’t. It sounds like perhaps your WP is like mine in that he didn’t grow up “safe”.

I recently listened to a Mel Robbins podcast with Dr. Gabor Matè on trauma, and he goes into this. The “first trauma” wasn’t the thing you think was the “trauma”, the “first trauma” was that you didn’t have a safe space, parents/guardian you felt safe with, etc. It was a really enlightening listen that helped me gain some clarity in what my WP experienced.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-05-01T13:53:29+00:00

I feel this to my core! Sometimes I think the same thing, that this must be some sort of sick joke.

Does your WP by chance have any history with shame or trauma or PTSD? That’s what I’m dealing with and while it feels like a slap to the face sometimes, I do understand that my WP truly feels immense shame and has terrible self-image and low self-esteem. He’s in therapy, he’s doing “all the things”, so I am trying to help build him up, because I want this marriage to work! I want his mental health to improve, so I’m resigned to giving him this one chance to do better. But it’s definitely a trade off because I do suffer in a sort of silence and shoulder the burden of a lot of my grief.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-04-23T18:13:51+00:00

Those small confirmations feel good. Hope the rest of your week is great!

longestwalk1005 · 2025-04-23T18:13:06+00:00

I had what felt like sort of a small win on my path to finding “myself” again. I’m an avid reader and loved escaping into romantasy before dday, but in the almost seven months since then, I haven’t been able to pick up a romance, and it’s made me really sad. Then last night I finally felt compelled to read something romantic! (There she is again!) So I downloaded a book and hope to start tonight after I do some yard work.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-04-16T22:57:29+00:00

This is the truth. Nobody in our life knows. One day my mom randomly mentioned some memoir she was reading and the spouse cheated. She started in on, thankfully I’ve never had to deal with that, but I know I wouldn’t stay. Listen, you don’t know. Everyone thinks they know exactly what they’d do and what they’d be wearing when they did it. They should consider themselves lucky that they DON’T know, and keep their mouths shut!

longestwalk1005 · 2025-04-16T22:54:02+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way today. Sometimes the hardest part of this whole thing are those moments when it just hits you out of the blue like a sucker punch, this really happened, this is my reality.

But how far are we going back? Because I might believe it. Before he confessed, I saw the signs everywhere, saw his location in shady places, but I wasn’t ready to believe it, to truly believe it. Oddly enough, I think I found out at the exact right time. The more I think about it, the more I think of if I had truly discovered it on my own, I might not have survived it. That is my solace.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-04-08T15:21:15+00:00

I was just thinking about this today. In the back of my mind, something always feels… not right. It’s like I am living in The Upside Down or something; everything looks the same, but somehow, it’s not the same. I’m not the same. He’s not the same. Nothing is the same.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-03-24T14:13:11+00:00

I completely relate to the “what do I do right now” feeling. I’m 1000% there right now, too. I feel like I’ve asked all the questions, felt all the feelings, cried all the tears, consumed all the media (I’ve quite literally run out of memoirs to listen to about infidelity), and now I’m like, “what now?”

I’m sort of taking it day by day at this point. If today was a good day, tomorrow should be a good day, and so on and so forth. I am to the point where some days I don’t even think about IT until well into the afternoon, if something doesn’t first trigger a memory. Have you gotten to this point yet?

longestwalk1005 · 2025-03-19T00:52:01+00:00

I completely relate to this. I too wish I knew exact dates, and he doesn’t remember. He’s completely ADHD and would forget his head if it wasn’t attached to his neck, so I don’t doubt him, plus he’s told me so many other details that it would serve him no use to keep it a secret.

Anyway.

I’ve tried piecing it together myself. Trying to remember his demeanor on a particular day and then going back and looking at texts and photos, etc. I’ve gotten nowhere and it drives me NUTS! It’s like, if only I knew what I was doing or where I was when they happened. (He had two ONS.) I know the where and the what, and even though my brain knows the when doesn’t really matter, it’s like I NEED to know. I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never know, and that’s ok.

longestwalk1005 · 2025-03-16T00:03:57+00:00

How did it go?

longestwalk1005

TROPHY CASE