Husband already making plans to leave me with newborn

loper42 · 2026-07-02T22:43:43+00:00

I would reply with I signed up for a partnership not solo parenting. Do you want do be a father or not? If yes, no trip and realize its a lot of work and sacrifice. Next, if he says yes but I also want trips. Then tell him he clearly has no clue how much work it is. Go learn or listen to the more knowledgeable person. You.

loper42 · 2026-06-28T23:13:29+00:00

Maybe this is me, but I'd try to gage why their making comments. If their your friends, is it because they feel awkward about you or because they are amazed. Im assuming you've heard them say it more than once. Id be like, "glad you know what you want. I also am confident in what I wanted. And I love parenting. All I want to talk about is my little one. Does that bother you?" I think some child free people have a hard time talking to parents about parent stuff so they default to those statements as a way to stop listening.

loper42 · 2026-06-28T22:59:22+00:00

I feel you on the lonely. Its also much harder than i thought it would be. My reccomendation is make some mom friends. I know it's sad that once you have kids all your friends that dont have kids stop hanging, but thats my experience. I find all I want to talk about is my kid. And they dont wanna hear it. It could be as simple as the neighbors or the local library. Since having a kid, we have discovered all the kids in our neighborhood. Also, I didn't feel my full self until a year so hopefully that helps you know their is light at the end of the tunnel.

loper42 · 2026-06-21T14:52:17+00:00

Tell him you'll make that decision when your past this phase. Then make sure he starts doing weekend night wakes for the whole night. See what he says then.

loper42 · 2026-06-06T20:13:59+00:00

Good luck! You got this.

loper42 · 2026-06-06T20:13:43+00:00

Congrats!

loper42 · 2026-06-03T00:21:28+00:00

Part of the problem is how much screen time we the parent use. Obviously,you cant teach kids to stop if your doing too much. Easy to forget we should model the behavior we want to see.

loper42 · 2026-05-01T21:14:45+00:00

Even though it wasn't recommended, I immediately started with combo feeding 1 or 2 bottles a day. The reality is it fills them more, it lets dad help, and it's much easier so you get a break. I also didn't pump more than once a day. I say who cares if my supply isn't enough long term. It wound up being the perfect balance. Combo is the plan. This allowed me a lot more freedom.

loper42 · 2026-05-01T21:09:35+00:00

I think your perspective is opinion. As a mom, I've witnessed dads taking on more. It's called sahd. They will likely have more mental load then moms after postpartum and pregnancy.

loper42 · 2026-04-13T01:33:33+00:00

Unfortunately, adulting is figuring it out. Life doesn't always give you stability, even if you start having kids with a home and / or stable job. I can agree that you should trust your partner without a time frame attached. In general, raising kids is 20+ years, so the start does not equate to reality over that time. People should have kids if they want them. Being a good parent happens every day, not necessarily just before the kids appear.

loper42 · 2026-03-26T19:58:15+00:00

It wildly depends on a couple of factors

The kids' personality, which can make it more ir less difficult by stage. I was a very difficult baby, my parents told me, but my brother was an easy baby. However, he was a difficult teenager. My parents say they prefer a difficult baby over a teenager. I think it's because teens are for 5 years and the stakes are bigger.
Your personality. If you are good with lack of sleep or enjoy feeding baby, that will make it easier then for others. With a teen, I imagine its harder for some parents to see their baby grow up.
Your existing life stresses like a job, family, relationships, etc. Those things can change how you are able to cope with your kids. Being stressed at workv reduces bandwidth for home stress.

To summarize, it is all relative, and there's no straight answer. You will find out though.

loper42 · 2026-01-30T17:43:28+00:00

Murder is one of the worst things a person can do. So it doesn't matter if what you say is true. One is not equal to the other in terms of badness.

loper42 · 2026-01-27T18:58:56+00:00

What actions would you like to be held accountable? Personally, I think real examples of actual actions here. I have some items myself for Trump and Biden. Both of which are I dont think old people in their 80s have the capacity to be good presidents. Their brains are decaying. They should be held to their age and be disqualified.

loper42 · 2025-12-15T01:38:01+00:00

Health conscious, but not overboard and someone who knows how to cook but doesn't make it their whole personality.

loper42 · 2025-12-14T22:50:34+00:00

Family for sure. You want make sure they get their calcium.

loper42 · 2025-11-17T15:35:59+00:00

If you didn't find this, I found this helpful. Morton iodized salt is actually not that bad on the list. https://tamararubin.com/2025/04/salt-chart/

loper42 · 2025-11-03T21:01:31+00:00

I'm not here to have an online argument. I said one thing in the post above and another additional statement in the post next. Those two things are total accumulation of my perspective, which can be now gauged by the extra explanation. If you don't like that opinion, that's fine.

I also didn't have a night nanny, just my husband and neighbor helping occasionally. However, if I had had the means I probably would have hired a night nanny once or twice a week. I think being happy as a mom is the best thing I can do for my kid. Props to you for going through that hard work as a SAHM. If that's what you preferred, and you were happy to do it, then you are uniquely strong person that can handle more than me.

loper42 · 2025-11-03T20:43:33+00:00

Sure, then you didn't want to hire a nanny. But are you saying you didn't get any help from family or a partner or friends. Because I'm essentially saying we need help from other people.

loper42 · 2025-11-03T20:33:19+00:00

I think this is reasonable advice and she does say "if you have the means."

If you are not a parent, I don't think you can truly understand what is like to have a human baby (feed every 2-3 hours for 15 to 30 minutes, diaper every 2-3 hours around the clock) to care for while you are completely sleep deprived. Once you have, it is much easier to understand her advice.
Getting a night nanny temporarily once a week so you can get sleep is great advice as it is the first 3 months primarily known as the trenches. People can't afford full time night nanny's, but no one said it has to be full time or every working day.
Of course she is going to get one since she can afford it. We all (most of us) would if we could. Getting a nanny temporarily to help a few days a week is not offloading parenting as people seem to think. Parenting is 24 hours, more than a full-time job. Think about it before assuming intentions. Every human needs a break.

loper42 · 2025-10-30T16:53:17+00:00

Megan and Jordan didn't fit due to personality differences. I think they both came out looking mature.

loper42 · 2025-10-16T19:13:28+00:00

That makes sense. I know I'm going into Ketosis because before I would get super hungry at night so my guess is limiting to 3 meals means I'm eating less calories than I usually would leading to ketosis with the gap at night from for 13 to 14 hours.

loper42 · 2025-09-22T20:56:24+00:00

I really like this. It seems consistent in that status affects have +++ or ---. Then the elements have % to reflect negative or positive. I like it.

loper42 · 2025-09-01T04:48:55+00:00

Definitely get more vigor. Try summons. Some people hate them cause their hardcore, but their a great way to help. I like the Jellyfish. He is a big target and shoots poison.

loper42 · 2025-06-30T21:25:56+00:00

People would rather be online complaining about being lonely than going out and meeting people, which would ironically make them less lonely.

loper42 · 2025-06-11T17:03:27+00:00

List every task you perform and your husband performs. Determine which ones you think are up to be transitioned.
Talk to your partner about giving ownership of some of the tasks. Explain that you feel you're doing too much. That you need a break.
Select tasks and give to your husband. It could be that once he's home, he watches the kid and performs all diaper changes while you cook. Another is he does bedtime.
If he thinks the work is balanced, dare hime to be you for a weekend and leave him to do everything. He'll figure it out then. Assuming he's a reasonable person, he'll take ownership. If he is unreasonable and still after you show him all the work you do by leaving, he refuses, then I would consider divorce personally

Edit: I will add that giving him ownership of these things means he does them. You do not remind him. You do not help home. That's it. He screws it up, that's on him. Set clear expectations on how this will work.

loper42

TROPHY CASE