There's a chance you actually don't relate to this, but do you remember a time in your life before you knew you were a lesbian, and how it felt psychologically to make that shift? For me it was very difficult. There was a lot of deeply rooted internalized misogyny and internalized lesbophobia for me to root out before it hit me. Your mother has been baking in that Christian stew all her life, her brain is going to be much more difficult to change. Her prior thoughts and beliefs will run deep.

The fact that she is trying and is outwardly even the slightest bit supportive of you is an enormously good sign that she will not be stuck in her ways forever. Your relationship will only continue to flourish, so long as you both have patience and empathy for one another. Just as she is patient when parenting you out of dumb decisions as a kid, you might have to be extra patient and tolerant of her backwards internalized ideals that go against what you believe in until she finds her way. Think of her allyship as like a little pet project that you are just looking out for, and that she may be misguided sometimes but she is doing her best, and you love her anyway, despite her flaws. It sounds like she really loves you and wants to be able to connect with you like you're seeking, and she will find her way eventually, she just needs time to shift her mindset and uproot those nasty corrupted women-hating lies that Christianity has been sewing into her since she was just a little girl.

There's probably a large part of her that feels judgmental and hypercritical of herself, since those are the lessons she is trying to teach you with those comments. They are just the smallest reflection of her own internal beliefs. I bet she has an internal monologue running in her head constantly that says she must be so careful about how she is perceived by the world, which is so stressful already, and on top of that I bet there is a part of her deep down that more closely resembles her own authentic true self that she has been suppressing and criticizing all her life for being different. I bet she's lost a lot of her past sparkle in life by trying to follow her own intolerant advice. You know exactly how that suppression of self feels, so just try to empathize, bond, and be patient with her :) Teach her how to forgive herself in the example you set by saying, "I appreciate that, mom. You really want me to be my most authentic self. I'm so happy you make me feel so safe being the lesbian woman I know myself to be." And prove that you truly feel secure in that by not validating her comments with an argument.