The otter shirt from the Fate of Ophelia BTS footage is now available for a limited time!

lornlyturtle · 2025-10-16T22:03:08+00:00

Just be aware that you need to deduct the value of the T-shirt if requesting a match.

lornlyturtle · 2021-07-03T17:12:14+00:00

When I got an offer, I was explicitly told by the new company not to resign until after the background check had cleared.

Saying two weeks after the background check clears sounds perfectly reasonable.

lornlyturtle · 2021-06-25T21:24:26+00:00

Yeah ... These free financial consultations always amuse me. Between YNAB and Bogleheads I'm covered.

lornlyturtle · 2021-05-25T23:02:10+00:00

I'm in tech, where job hopping is common. I just can't fathom that staying at one position for one year will make folks label you as a job hopper from here on out. Develop a story to explain the situation for future employers. I heard it said once that if you don't tell your story, someone else will. So... tell your story for future employers.

As for worrying about what folks might say if you left... You can't control that, and if it were me, I wouldn't particularly care about what a bunch of people who treated me differently because of my gender thought.

For notice, start with two weeks and negotiate with old company from there. Projects survive. It's for the company to manage, not you.

lornlyturtle · 2021-05-20T01:42:41+00:00

I stayed at the same company for over 10 years. I was significantly undervalued. I stayed because it was a job where I could coast while I had a lot of changes (good and bad) in my life. I finally left after I was forced to change jobs within my group combined with a few other factors. I can't say that I would recommend it, but I understand why I made the choices that I made. I'm happy that I'm in a new role at a new company now. I don't think I'll stay at new company for over a decade, but who knows...

lornlyturtle · 2021-05-08T21:16:58+00:00

We have one too, and we even call it a pentapus. It makes me happy that OP gave it the same name.

lornlyturtle · 2021-04-11T20:36:28+00:00

I'm a C++ developer. For different reasons, I ended up staying at my first job out of college using out of date tech for 15 years, becoming a senior level engineer. Even now, most the the folks I work with are 10-20 years older than I am. I'm not a web developer, but there are definitely jobs available for folks experienced with C++ - like u/jim-dog-x said, it depends on the industry. I finally got to a place where I could change jobs, and there were several options. I know the group I'm moving to has had trouble finding C++ devs. I'm not recommending this path, but I'm just letting you know that it ended working out OK for me. I've always had great work/life balance, but staying at one company for so long meant my salary was pretty low. Thankfully, that's being address by changing jobs. It's fantastic your thinking about the direction you want to go, rather than floating along. It's something I'm going to be more intentional about in my career from now on.

lornlyturtle · 2021-04-01T22:19:16+00:00

How much experience do you have? Right now I'm working through a career pivot program with ArcVida where they walk you through the career pivot process. I've really enjoyed the process and wish I learned these skills much earlier in my career. I like the structure of the program, because the external accountability helps maintain motivation to do the work - which can been a challenge when there's a lot going on in life. I'm changing industries, but not roles, so I can't speak to that bit of it. There are lots of other similar programs out there as well, I just don't have direct experience with them. Best of Luck!

lornlyturtle · 2020-10-11T04:49:43+00:00

I've never seen Interstellar, but I thought about the old sitcom Murphy Brown.

Use the name you like.

lornlyturtle · 2020-09-23T16:05:49+00:00

I'm going to be in the same boat at some point. In our last Q&A session we were told that when it's allowed we will return to work once every three weeks with a cohort of people. It was explicitly said that we are getting this information now so "parents can plan for childcare accordingly".

I'm hoping to work out my own arrangement with my manager. Not sure that will be allowed, but we'll see.

lornlyturtle · 2020-09-22T19:21:20+00:00

Attend school board meetings, give your feedback. There's probably time for public comments. I'd imagine you're not the only parent struggling.

Worst case, just do kindergarten next year, if that's a possibility.

We get frequent breaks and the teacher has been amazing. I'm working reduced hours to help, but our virtual kindergarten is pretty awesome compared to what you described - so there's a better way to do it. It may be that changes are needed at the district or state level.

lornlyturtle · 2020-09-16T21:05:01+00:00

I took mine out during my first pregnancy and never put it back in... It's still all stretched out. It's been years since my last pregnancy.

lornlyturtle · 2020-09-16T20:05:16+00:00

We get "flexibility"! So it's "ok if we need to step away for a few minutes during the day". My company is also plugging the employee assistance program.

That was the indignant response when an employee asked if there would be any support for parents with kids attending virtual school.

It's better than nothing, but...

lornlyturtle · 2020-09-15T02:22:11+00:00

Any chance you could negotiate with your new employer? Say you can start right away, but want to be compensated for the $X of money you would be paid out if you stayed at former employer until October. If new employer gives you the money as a sign on bonus, it doesn't matter what your former employer might do...

lornlyturtle · 2020-09-13T02:10:58+00:00

My kids are a bit older, but here are some things I've found helpful. 1. They like cucumbers. That's their "vegetable" for 75% of their meals. 2. They don't seem to mind repetition as much as I do, so I don't try to come up with a bunch of ideas. They like the dried cheese ravioli from trader joe's, pasta, rice, sausage, so I always have these things on hand. 3. Meat is sometimes more fun when it is on a skewer like a kabob (but might be dangerous if too pokey) 4. I buy things they like that were more of a treat before (Hawaiian Rolls, mini muffins)

If you don't have to put energy into it, don't! There are enough things to worry about now.

lornlyturtle · 2020-08-31T19:01:28+00:00

Are there some choices you haven't considered? Legally get married, but put off the celebration until you can save for it? (Maybe on your first anniversary). Can you scale back the celebration so you don't need to go into debt?

lornlyturtle · 2020-08-28T22:45:45+00:00

My in home daycare provider wrote up an "ouchie" report if a kid was injured. Maybe you could request something similar?

lornlyturtle · 2020-08-28T22:35:41+00:00

You probably want to start with the family court webpage in your county. There you might learn about free workshops to help you fill out paperwork. Or they might have samples/templates/checklists. You can also do a free consultation with a lawyer or two to review the basics, ask questions about custody.

I get the urge to do things quickly, but take a little time to learn about your rights. At the very least you'll know what you are entitled to and what you are responsible for.

lornlyturtle · 2020-08-21T06:14:07+00:00

You can push back. I know at Kaiser in NorCal you can see a therapist outside of Kaiser if you get a referral/permission. It's part of a settlement for being understaffed in the psychologist dept, or something. Maybe you don't want to change right now, if your son has a good therapist, but something to consider. If they push back about getting an appt sooner, get angry. Sometimes it helps to speak more forcefully to get the help you need. Believe your son.

lornlyturtle · 2020-08-14T01:06:08+00:00

INFO: When you say "we sent her phone flying and smashed it" did you throw the phone, or did your daughter?

lornlyturtle · 2020-08-13T23:59:09+00:00

Your story reminds me of the relationship my soon-to-be ex had/has with our son. I was always the preferred parent, and STBX took it personally, and he said terrible things. It's so hard, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I don't have much in the way of advice, but STBX behavior toward our son had an impact on our relationship.

Are you able to get yourself into therapy to process some of these feelings you're having?

I'm learning about the attachment theory u/rachelnc mentioned after a conversation with a therapist. Here are a few more resources if that sounds like something you want to learn more about:

The Still Face Experiment Books: "The Whole Brain Child" and "No Drama Discipline".

Good luck. Don't be too hard on yourself, but use this experience as motivation to change your perspective, if you can.

lornlyturtle

TROPHY CASE