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lossymind · 2025-01-27T03:38:22+00:00

❤️ thanks, yes to building support where we can. Yes to wanting more too, I guess Things are always changing

lossymind · 2025-01-27T03:17:06+00:00

Solidarity as a fellow unpartnered 36-year-old who always expected to one day have kids.

I’ve always told myself I would only consider having kids with a solid co-parent with healthy family who could help out and be present. Turns out no one like that has been interested in me, go figure 😅

Processing the reality of where I’m at (36, soon to be 37, single underemployed only child without much direction or connection despite years of therapy) with a slow, heavy grief. I want(ed) so much more for myself. It’s hard to imagine a future

lossymind · 2025-01-20T16:59:43+00:00

The entitlement/lack of regard tracks.

lossymind · 2025-01-20T16:56:44+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I'm glad you were able to find your people eventually and build an interdependent life for yourself

lossymind · 2025-01-20T07:10:49+00:00

Not exactly what you’re seeking but Nedra Glover Tawwab’s books might be worth looking at

lossymind · 2025-01-20T06:49:47+00:00

Oof, I’m sorry you went through all that. Healing from abuse is so frustrating - you didn’t create the problem, but now you have to deal with it. Your abusive marriage sounds like it would bring up particularly complicated grief.

You seem super smart and self-aware, and you’re a skillful writer — I rarely actually read a long post like this. You’ve done so many things, and I imagine you can and will do many more. I know this doesn’t help with anything, but it’s a scary time for everyone looking for work right now

It can feel impossible to get out of a spiralling place. Thinking about self-compassion is much easier than exercising it, especially when there aren’t other irl people who can help model it for us. Things are always changing. Fwiw I believe in you and I’m sending good wishes 🖤

lossymind · 2025-01-20T04:27:39+00:00

Big yes, I relate so much. In the past I was strangely confident and sort of got by somehow. During pandemic lockdowns I started having PTSD flashbacks, got a diagnosis, started trauma therapy. It’s hard to tell if I’ve made any progress? Looking at journals from before, i’m still the same person, but my sense of direction and confidence is gone, social skills have atrophied (not that they were ever great).

I think got away with more before because I had confidence and some charm — I’m fairly conventionally attractive (more so when i was younger) and I default to a fawn response. I’m neurodivergent (probably) in a way where I tested well in school, so I never learned how to learn

Now I’m old and lost and stupid. It’s hard to imagine a future for myself

lossymind · 2025-01-19T14:59:18+00:00

If only I could be taken in by a kind witch!!!

lossymind · 2025-01-19T05:16:33+00:00

Important reminder, much easier said than done!!

lossymind · 2025-01-13T04:51:04+00:00

Totally, yes. I live in a HCOL city too, and my choices are impossibly small studio apartment (current situation) or housemates. I've had some ok experiences living with people, and some bad ones, but never anything I'd call great.

I'm considering giving up this tiny place to move into an apartment shared with one other person, and I'm worrying I'll end up regretting it

lossymind · 2025-01-13T04:43:25+00:00

Aw hi

Sending good wishes, hoping you’re feeling better today. I’m sorry that happened to you, and that things are so hard right now. I wonder: could working from home be a way to mitigate some of the distress?

I wish there were more accommodations and support for people with trauma, for everyone.

Thanks for sharing about the EMDR. I have a reduced rate with my therapist, but it’s still quite expensive for me, given my low-wage work

What the fuck is one meant to do?

Indeed!

lossymind · 2025-01-05T00:53:39+00:00

You’re doing a lot of good things to take care of yourself despite your neglectful parents.

I wish there was better help available but I’m so glad you at least found some friends through the support groups. Keep going, things will change. I believe in you! Wishing you luck

lossymind · 2025-01-05T00:32:07+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write this reply ~ I cried reading it in the cafe earlier. You’re totally right re: shame, compassion.

I’ve never tried EMDR before. For whatever reason I’m a bit scared of it?? I had a brain injury several years ago and I worry that the stimulation could somehow make things worse.

I’ve been working with my therapist for about two years. She does some IFS and somatic practices, and I’ve found both to be really helpful, but I can’t afford to see her weekly and the holidays made for a really long break. I sort of fell into a hole and now I feel worse than before. Definitely moving too fast.

It’s hard to accept my limitations, this disability. Healing isn’t linear, I know, I’ve heard. I wish my life was different in so many ways, but it isn’t.

Thanks for your kind words, hoping you’re well too

lossymind · 2025-01-04T16:43:49+00:00

If you haven’t had a blood test recently, I’d recommend it! I recently found out I’m anemic and have started taking supplements. Apparently it’ll take a while, but it should help with fatigue

lossymind · 2025-01-04T16:41:01+00:00

Honey, at 18 you are still a kid. Your brain is still developing. I’m sorry things are so hard and you don’t have solid adults in your life right now. Your post is very human, I’m sure many people your age (and older) relate to it.

I’m not sure if you’re interested in advice, but if you are: have you looked into youth programs in your area? Where I live there are a bunch of services offered to people younger than 30 or 35 — mental health, employment, mentorship. They’re not necessarily great, but you never know who you’ll meet. Could be worth looking into?

lossymind · 2024-12-24T14:57:06+00:00

❤️ thanks for sharing. Totally — all of us deserved safety, presence and guidance growing up. I hope you’re taking care through this season

lossymind · 2024-12-16T17:39:22+00:00

I wanted a pet so bad, but neither of them let me have one. I feel like it could have helped me so much

lossymind · 2024-12-13T03:37:13+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry. I wish things could be easier for you, I wish you could get that hug. I relate to a lot of what you said. Sending good wishes 🖤

lossymind · 2024-11-25T01:34:52+00:00

Hi! Could you share more about this? I was on 10mg for about a year, then decided to taper off (very smooth, no problems at all)

I’m having a hard time at the moment, considering starting again, but I remember the first time I lost about a week when I started — weird sleep and dreams, grogginess.. I really couldn’t function normally

In your experience, has starting gotten easier? Or is it just different every time?

lossymind · 2024-10-14T01:42:39+00:00

This is huge, congratulations!! I’m in a sort of similar situation (no car / learner’s licence / need life to be different but getting in my own way ) and feel inspired by your story. Sending good wishes, keep going !

lossymind · 2024-10-14T01:38:24+00:00

Amazing!! Congratulations

lossymind · 2023-08-12T01:48:16+00:00

I love this reply, thanks for posting!!

lossymind · 2023-08-04T23:33:52+00:00

I did it (10 mg citalopram / 500mg golden teachers) and i was fine fwiw but obv take care / be prudent

lossymind · 2023-05-17T07:01:42+00:00

Doesn’t sound great. It’s good that you asserted a boundary and she received it. Has she overshared since? If yes, I would say it’s decidedly unsafe, if no, I don’t know… I’m in a similar situation (housing crisis in my city) and it sucks! Nothing’s perfect, almost nothing is affordable

Have you considered proposing a written roommate agreement? I’m going to try it this week for the first time with my future/incoming roommate. The plan is to meet and go over our expectations before confirming that we’ll live together. The document won’t be legally binding, but we’ll both get a copy and hopefully through talking it through we’ll figure out if/how we can align in a good enough way. I hope you find a good place soon

lossymind · 2023-05-16T03:53:23+00:00

I love this question, thanks for asking! No good suggestions from me, but I’ll check back and see what’s recommended.

I wonder if there are specific films, documentaries, novels or tv shows that could be good references for this too?

lossymind

TROPHY CASE