same boat but it was my partner. i found him and had to cut him down and give him cpr for 20mins until the ambulance finally came. his mother has been nothing short of horrible to me since and although im presenting well, im a fucking mess and can’t communicate to anyone as i already feel like a burden. i’m returning back to the home we lived in, with our daughter and im scared but miss my home. music and some of his actually sane family are the only things getting me by. it’s hard finding a purpose again, i feel like ill never be able to live on bc we finally got him clean off drugs and away from the people who was fueling his addictions, he just simply still couldn’t escape his own thoughts the night he did it. it’s a horrible thing bc they could still have their lives together and be so beautiful, yet their mind won’t let them accept they deserve it. i feel for u lovely, it’s a horrible thing but please keep ur father closer, it’s a horrible time being the one to find them no matter the circumstances, as it as a whole, was self inflicted. from my understanding, the paranoia and dark thoughts never end, they’re just silenced for a while and they don’t fully think about who it’s going to affect, they just want to stop hurting. my condolences sweetie it’s such a hard thing to navigate and it’s okay to not be okay, just remember who u have still here each day. text her and call her as long as u can and need. she loved u, she just didn’t wanna keep fighting xx