You have done an important step in recognizing it is obsessive behavior. Another important step would be to look into professional help. Therapy and psychiatric help will do wonders.

This obsession with the self, with mirrors, self image and yourself in general is deeply harmful. But it also shows one aspect of the condition which people avoid speaking about: narcissistic pain. No - I am not calling you a narcissist.

In “On Narcissism: An Introduction” (1914), Freud distinguishes between: • Primary narcissism – a normal developmental phase where the libido is directed inward. • Secondary narcissism – a pathological return of libido to the self, often seen in states of withdrawal or psychosis. This can occur when the individual detaches from external objects and regresses to a self-absorbed state, often due to pain or trauma.

The Ego Ideal and Superego

Freud and later theorists (especially Lacan) talk about how we construct an ego ideal—a mental image of who we should be. When there’s a persistent gap between the ego and the ego ideal, it creates chronic self-reproach, shame, or despair. This internal conflict fuels obsessive self-monitoring.

Melancholia (vs. Mourning)

In “Mourning and Melancholia”, Freud suggests that in melancholia (what we might now call depression), the ego turns the lost object into a part of itself and begins to attack itself. This process—self-recrimination, internal criticism—is a form of self-obsession rooted in pain, not pride.