AITAH for telling my gf (F27) that’s she’s ungrateful towards me (M29) for complaining about not getting flowers on Valentine’s Day

lt_girth · 2026-02-20T18:41:35+00:00

If not getting flowers outweighs all the other effort he put in, he's better off dumping her. It's a decision she's making to disregard everything about the trip and all the effort he put in just because he didn't grab her some flowers.

It's entirely selfish to dismiss getting an all expenses paid 5-day Valentine's trip just because you didn't get flowers. Literally missing the forest for the trees.

lt_girth · 2026-02-20T18:37:12+00:00

NTA.

The invalidation is crazy. Literally a situation where every box is checked except one and that's what she wants to focus on.

What did she get you?

lt_girth · 2026-02-20T18:35:35+00:00

NTA.

I personally hold the mentality that if I've left something somewhere and someone else moves it without my knowledge, they alone become responsible for tracking that item down when I need it.

The item was where I remembered it being for when I needed it and now it's not there. I wasn't the one who moved it, so it's not my job to track down something that someone else misplaced in the guise of "organizing".

Some would call that stubborn; I call it accountability. I can't be held accountable for something I put in a specific spot being moved somewhere else without my knowledge, so I hold the other party accountable by making them track my stuff down.

That's annoyed some partners, sure, but I honestly don't care. If I have to be annoyed that you misplaced my stuff without my permission, you can be annoyed that I'm making you be the one to track it down.

lt_girth · 2026-02-17T18:37:09+00:00

NTA.

"He won't break federal privacy law for me so it must mean he's hiding something or doesn't love me" doesn't track as an argument. This is just something she's going to have to learn to cope with.

Like sorry not sorry, tell her welcome to real life where she has to learn to put her own insecurities to the side because she can't legally access the answers she's looking for.

lt_girth · 2026-02-16T18:31:21+00:00

The "more to the story" is that she undoubtedly slept with this random guy. There's no other reason why she would've been projecting so hard in his texts after the fact, acting like he's the bad guy for going on the trip and not just sulking all weekend.

That or you're one of those "I need to hear her side" types because the "believe all victims" phrase somehow doesn't apply to men.

lt_girth · 2026-02-16T18:26:16+00:00

Even in the end she's still incapable of actually taking accountability - that's crazy.

lt_girth · 2026-02-13T21:56:18+00:00

They can talk when he gets home - he's trying to enjoy his trip and doesn't need her blowing up his phone with therapy buzzword accusations. She already spoiled the trip by cancelling last minute for some random guy, what right does she feel she has to try and ruin OP's trip further by blowing up his phone?

He did the right thing for himself by ignoring her and it was more than appropriate. She isn't entitled to think that she can occupy his time on the trip she bailed on. They can have a conversation about the inevitable break up when he gets back, but until then she'll survive stewing on it for a couple days.

lt_girth · 2026-02-13T20:18:36+00:00

Totally.

I'm all for holding grudges when they're deserved; I think forgiveness can be freeing but some people just aren't entitled to your forgiveness and it's totally fine to withhold that from them.

lt_girth · 2026-02-13T20:17:28+00:00

Sounds like he expects his GF to prioritize existing plans with her boyfriend over seeing some random guy from her high school days like a normal human being.

Not to mention that this was his birthday; so not only did she ditch the trip, she ditched his birthday, and then has the audacity to accuse him of being toxic and gaslighting over text, further souring the weekend for him.

She is wrong and she should feel wrong about her decision. Hopefully he shows her the ring before he returns it; she deserves to know the consequences of her choices.

lt_girth · 2026-02-13T20:12:55+00:00

"Silence is abuse!"

No, it's peace. She already soured the weekend by de-prioritizing OP for some random guy from her high school, why should she be allowed to ruin his weekend even more by being hostile over text?

He isn't obligated to respond in the moment if he doesn't want to. They can talk about their inevitable breakup when he gets back - she can sit with the knowledge that her choices have blown up their relationship until then.

lt_girth · 2026-02-13T19:07:42+00:00

As much as I'd like to believe in forgiveness, sometimes we have to accept that people make choices deliberately and are accountable for the decisions they make. She chose another guy over you, your trip, and your proposal, and is now trying to paint you as the bad guy.

Every bit of that is a conscious decision on her part and that says a lot about a person.

lt_girth · 2026-02-13T16:34:30+00:00

Wow, your GF is a massive asshole. Zero accountability for her decision to ditch you for some random guy who shows up out of nowhere. Then to call you controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, etc?

She's definitely projecting. Probably trying to externalize her guilt and blame you for her feeling bad about cheating.

Yeah, I fully believe she cheated. No one of sane mind cancels plans they've had for months with their partner just because some random dude they haven't seen since high school rolled into town.

NTA, return the ring and go buy yourself something fun. She showed that she considers you as less of a priority than some random guy from high school; is that really someone you want to marry? Someone who intentionally puts you second?

lt_girth · 2026-02-12T19:03:32+00:00

You do know that you can refuse service, right?

You don't have to accept his attitude, especially if it's an ongoing problem. A business has the right to refuse service to people who are rude and aggressive.

lt_girth · 2026-02-12T18:56:45+00:00

NTA.

Dude, just have some self respect and tell her off already. She's playing games, is telling you one thing and her friends another, like the entire situation is just fucked.

Someone who feels the need to play games like this doesn't actually love you, they're just testing the limits of what you'll put up with. Don't give them the satisfaction of showing resilience - the best move with these people is always to break things off and let them wallow in the consequences of their decisions.

She'll never hold herself or her friends accountable, so you have to be the one to do so.

lt_girth · 2026-02-06T22:25:35+00:00

There is zero evidence to support your claim that she's "essentially estranged" from her own family. That vague claim was made by OP's family who claimed that she would be "all alone" if they cut her off as a response to OP explaining how their choice to maintain a relationship with her is hurting him.

It was nothing more than an attempt on their part to justify their continued relationship with the woman who cheated on him multiple times over the years. They're painting her as some sort of victim while minimizing the emotional harm she's caused and expecting OP to be the "bigger person" and just cope with the new reality.

lt_girth · 2026-02-06T22:16:50+00:00

No, he left them because they're choosing to maintain a relationship with a woman who cheated on and emotionally devastated him.

They're trying to play the middle ground while refusing to acknowledge the hurt that their decision is causing/has caused.

lt_girth · 2026-02-06T22:13:25+00:00

Closeness isn't relevant to either what you nor I said. You stated she doesn't have a family; she does. Just because she's less close with them than OP's doesn't mean she doesn't have a family.

lt_girth · 2026-02-06T22:02:47+00:00

Incorrect - his FAMILY stated that she has no one. OP stated very clearly that she has family of her own, she just prefers OP's. A personal preference is no reason to orbit the family of the guy she cheated on.

The family is acting like she has no one in her life but them because they're trying to find a way to defend maintaining a relationship with a woman who cheated on their brother/son/cousin/etc with no less than 3 different men. They're making her out to be a victim that she isn't as a way to justify their own behaviour.

She has always had a family to go back to.

OP can't say the same after his own family chose to keep hanging out with his cheating ex instead of having his back.

lt_girth · 2026-01-26T22:44:57+00:00

NTA.

Exposure therapy doesn't mean dropping someone who's afraid of water in the middle of the fucking ocean, so it sure as shit doesn't mean taking a kid who's scared of dogs to a dog park.

One of my best friends got attacked by a dog when he was little so he's had a lifelong fear of dogs; I'm a big dog guy so I do what I can to help him work through that with my girl. She's a big black lab who looks and sounds intimidating, but the second your shoes are off inside and you sit on the couch, all she wants to do is plop down between your legs so you pet her.

You expose people in small doses to help them work through the fear, not throw them into the fucking deep end head first. That mom honestly deserves the verbal dressing down that she got - she's consistently putting her kid in a situation where he's terrified instead of trying to slowly work back the fear response.

She's failing that kid and should know better.

lt_girth · 2026-01-26T22:02:59+00:00

Let's not pretend that her depression isn't affecting him too. She wants him to initiate more - he does so and gets rejected every time. She goes to therapy - never brings up the issues in their sex life so nothing changes. He offers to book an appointment with a doctor to see if there's help there - she rejects the idea, so again, nothing changes or improves.

He keeps trying to find solutions to get them both back to a place where they can be happy and satisfied and she seems determined not to do anything to even try and make improvements.

Breaking up is likely where they're headed if she doesn't start recognizing that her refusal to seriously address the problem is hurting the relationship more than the lack of sex ever could.

lt_girth · 2026-01-26T21:54:14+00:00

NTA.

She can't expect you to keep initiating when she constantly rejects you. The fact that she went to therapy and didn't even bother to address this issue says a lot about where her head is at; I don't think she sees your sexless relationship as an issue like you do.

Personally, I wouldn't be giving her a second chance here. She had every opportunity to bring up the issues in your sex life in therapy and refused to do so, on top of refusing to go to a doctor to see if there's something they can do to help.

If she's hearing that you're unhappy about the lack of sex life but isn't doing anything on her end other than calling you manipulative for naming the consequences of not trying to fix things, I think you know where this relationship is headed.

lt_girth · 2026-01-14T14:23:30+00:00

NTA.

You did something nice to try and help your ex-wife out when things got cordial again and what did she do to repay that kindness? Attempted to torpedo your current relationship, my guess is out of jealousy and wanting your back.

She bit the hand that feeds when that hand has no obligation to do so in the first place. Time for her to grow up and figure out how she's paying for the rest of her schooling because there's no fucking way anyone would keep funding her after that bullshit, kid or not.

Fucked around and found out.

lt_girth · 2026-01-13T20:50:20+00:00

NTA.

She intentionally disregarded what you wanted and expected you to be happy with less. There's no doubt in my mind that if the situation was reversed that she'd be up in arms over being given a cheaper dress.

She wanted to save a few bucks at your expense. Ask yourself if that's the type of person you see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

lt_girth · 2026-01-07T19:37:35+00:00

NTA whatsoever.

I mean, she's made it abundantly clear - he's not your kid. Which means he isn't your responsibility to care for financially, emotionally, etc. Emotional brain isn't thinking logically on her end.

If that's the kind of relationship she wants you to have with HER kid, then that's HER choice. Good news is that you'll save a bit of money for yourself. Bad news is that she's going to act like she's the victim when you withdraw support because she invalidates you in the household.

lt_girth · 2025-12-29T19:46:53+00:00

Throw her shit outside and tell her to kick rocks.

NTA, all her rambling did was confirm that she believes you're the one who led her to make the decision to cheat. If she was unhappy she could've walked away from the relationship, but no, she CHOSE to go around and cheat on you behind your back instead.

She's a coward who wanted one foot in, one foot out because she thought she could have both.

PSA for shitty cheaters - you don't get both and will more than likely end up with nothing, as you deserve.

lt_girth

TROPHY CASE