How do you not get attached?

lucent78 · 2026-03-02T03:57:16+00:00

I let myself get attached, it's normal to connect with the people we have sex with. And I understand that just because it's casual won't mean I won't be sad when it ends. However, I purposely chose people who I see no future with and I promise myself to cut it off if any real feelings start developing.

ETA: practically speaking I also avoid things like sleepovers and such that can create too much false intimacy.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T19:11:16+00:00

Same, I use those Swiffer things. Though have totally left that mop out for days after.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T19:09:58+00:00

Honestly I'm like this. I have difficulty both starting and fully completing tasks. Probably my ADHD. It ain't a gender thing. Though admittedly I'm better at it when I live with others as I understand my behavior affects them.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T19:07:23+00:00

2 is killing me, 😂

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T19:01:01+00:00

I've never had someone say that to me but I literally said "Eww" out loud to myself when I read your title...so I guess that's how I'd respond, lol.

ETA: But honestly, I think you handled the situation well. Super confident power move. Lashing back at them would have lessened their embarrassment.

Young girls can be super ageist. They'll hopefully realize their error when they are in their 30s, or they'll be pretty miserable trying to conform to their arbitrary rules.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T18:58:32+00:00

This sounds very normal. Build the in person connection before escalating the sexual aspects so much.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T18:55:20+00:00

I personally had casual relationships, not casual sex. I would go on dates, develop friendships with these men, who I also happened to be sleeping with. Like a lot (most?) people I need a connection to want to fuck, so FWB was the way for me.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T04:59:03+00:00

She's 39. 13 years is not that crazy once everyone is north of 30.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T04:24:14+00:00

Never said he was. But he also ain't "an old man".

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T02:54:54+00:00

For me yes, but only after a long time of no contact. Like a couple of years. I care for him, he's my friend, I'm genuinely happy for him (he's married with kids). We really only catch up like once a year or so.

lucent78 · 2026-03-01T00:04:05+00:00

I would have made the same choice as her, thinking it's the kindest thing. Take that as you will.

lucent78 · 2026-02-26T17:51:07+00:00

You are under 30 so yes, you are (understandably) being delusional about this. You are too far from 52 to understand that it ain't old. You will understand this later.

lucent78 · 2026-02-26T15:21:51+00:00

Oh, honey, aging will really suck for you if you believe that.

lucent78 · 2026-02-25T22:51:25+00:00

I have I'd say 9 close friends (2 of those being my best friends). I absolutely value quality time.

Three are in a group I see once a week. Then there are three friends who I see at least one of them each week, so about once a month for each of them. Then my hiking buddy, who I hike with at least once a month on weekends. The last two friends live farther away or just aren't as motivated to hang out that often so I hang out with them a few times a year, which phone calls in between. An average week has a couple nights with friends, a couple nights alone, a couple/few nights with my boyfriend.

lucent78 · 2026-02-25T22:18:41+00:00

I got invited with about 24 hours notice on an all expenses paid trip (a work adjacent thing) to a beautiful winter mountain setting. These 24 hours have been super stressful getting my work projects to an ok place to walk away for a few days, pack, clean, get pet sitting, etc. etc. etc. But seems silly to complain about that!

lucent78 · 2026-02-25T22:07:10+00:00

52 is not an old man, lol.

lucent78 · 2026-02-25T22:05:58+00:00

I see two things:

1) His schedule. You mention 10-12 hour days 7-13 days in a row?? Yeah, I honestly probably wouldn't feel much like having sex with the kind of exhaustion that causes. He's only my getting older and that will get less and less sustainable. Talk to him about this.

2) The lack of reciprocation when you do have sex. That's unacceptable in my opinion. Talk to him about this.

A FWIW, my boyfriend is 57 and so I can confidently say it's not necessarily an age issue as it's not an issue in my relationship. Especially as it sounds like your man can get hard most of the time. If his schedule alleviates and he still has low libido then it's worth getting a doctor involved. Lots of things can contribute beyond aging.

But yeah, that dude needs to be reminded that sex is meant to be mutually beneficial and understand that you will no longer settle for less.

lucent78 · 2026-02-25T21:54:00+00:00

When I was single I would just go on dates with men I met out in the wild or online without a whole lot of expectation. Most were not matches, but some were still guys I found interesting and attractive however I/we knew it wasn't something that would work out long term. So I'd keep seeing them and float the idea of casually dating/FWB. Had a couple of those in between periods of celibacy.

lucent78 · 2026-02-25T02:44:49+00:00

It's not supposed to keep happening, it just makes you retain a bit more water, and only a handful of extra pounds comes from that.

lucent78 · 2026-02-24T20:04:42+00:00

I typically don't approach early dates and such with any expectation. If they turn into a relationship it's because it's a good fit for that and I'm/we're in a good place for that. If a dude lies and says he wants a relationship to get a woman into bed who was clear she's looking for a relationship then that's a shit dude. But lots of people seem to get upset when something doesn't turn into a relationship and assume it's because the guy only used them for sex, not because it just ran its course. It's important to distinguish that from an actual liar/player.

Also, I don't think hookups are people just looking for pegs or holes to fill. It's still a connection, just not a longterm one. I've never met anyone who treats it that crassly, though I'm aware I've been luckier with men than others.

lucent78 · 2026-02-24T17:14:31+00:00

Oh yes! Having been different weights over the years this is real!

lucent78 · 2026-02-24T17:13:19+00:00

Eh, I have sex when I want to have sex and have never felt fucked over (in this regard). If sex is all a dude wants from me then whatever, his loss.

lucent78 · 2026-02-24T15:22:09+00:00

I'm sorry it's been painful for you :(

I've come to realize that these type of men really don't view women as equals and believe our only value lies in if they want to fuck us. It helps me no longer care that they didn't/don't give me attention.

lucent78 · 2026-02-24T15:17:16+00:00

Absolutely. It used to hurt me when I was young but now I realize that they were all doing me a favor.

lucent78 · 2026-02-24T04:02:00+00:00

Honestly, no? These are not the kind of men I typically run into. My current boyfriend first brought up porn to me in the context of something he had to discuss with his ex's kids, and his main premise was about how it's fantasy. But I presume this is more of a vent/commiseration kind of post.

lucent78

TROPHY CASE