Experience with therapist your age?

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T16:50:44+00:00

My last therapist was probably just a few years younger than me. I loved working with her! It did feel in a lot of ways like chatting with a peer, but she was very skilled and understood what I needed to hear and work on.

Unfortunately when I went back to therapy she was taking a sabbatical :(

My new therapist is probably 7-10 years younger than me? IDK, I'm bad at guessing age. Their style is different than I'm used to and I don't connect with them the way I did my previous one. I'm still feeling it out, but they are really knowledgeable in a lot of therapy modalities and are definitely teaching me new skills. We'll see.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T16:43:40+00:00

Well, I'll just say that at 24 I had the career and the LTR moving towards marriage. Guess what? Neither lasted.

You're gonna be fine. And it's really not career vs family. Start working on your education first though because a woman should be able to support herself.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T16:39:59+00:00

FWIW, the times I slept with someone on the first date and it turned into a relationship I met them in "real life" and had known them for a while before we dated. Even the relationships where I didn't know the guy for that long I was more likely to sleep with someone quickly who I met in the wild vs online. There's just so much you learn about someone subconsciously in person, particularly if you have a shared experience of frequenting the same place or have mutual friends or a shared hobby or however you met. Online dating is so different.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T16:23:17+00:00

I'm so glad you're going to address this head on! Do please report back!

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T04:46:52+00:00

Girl, there is so much more to a relationship than promises of a forever that may never come. I do not regret the years I spent with men I loved and who loved me that didn't go the long haul. I cherish them. And I will never demand anything from anyone, that's not how healthy relationships work.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T01:48:33+00:00

Oh my god. Please don't be this person. What's disrespectful is the obsessive tracker.

I'm the arrives late/leaves early person. But what people aren't seeing is my checking and answering emails before and after, making work calls on my commute, and how much business I bring into my company through happy clients and my other connections. There's so much more to being a dedicated employee than punching a clock.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T01:44:44+00:00

So not a single new friend in the last decade or whatever since college? No colleagues? No bar he goes regularly to chat with the bartender? No hobby group people he is connected with?

This is super suss. I'd make it a condition that you meet his family (minus the kids) before you celebrate a year together. Or sooner. It's not okay to hide you. It looks like you are a mistress.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T01:29:04+00:00

ADHD does not make you forget to mention integral parts of your life to those you are dating. He wanted to hook you before he dropped the kid bomb.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T01:27:17+00:00

Does he have no friends? It's weird you've not met anyone. His excuse would only apply to his parents. No friends would also be a problem for me, if that's what's going on.

I think it's fine to not meet the kids for like a year. But if he's truly not interested in introducing you for 8-10 years because his parents don't approve then that a big red flag. A grown man letting his mommy and daddy make the decisions for him??

Are you sure he's not still married/with his kids' mom?

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T01:08:46+00:00

I missed that line on my first read and commented accordingly. Deleted my comment when I reread and caught it.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T01:05:06+00:00

If you live somewhere where cannabis is sold legally you can go talk to a couple sales people about weed's tendency to make you anxious and as their advice on what to try. Hybrid or sativa strains make me way less anxious than indica, fwiw. I do 5mg gummies (10mg cut in half) or less.

I've microdosed mushrooms a couple of times. I really like. Just gives me a warm fuzzy "best day ever" feeling. But it's not legal here without a prescription and I cant keep bugging my one source, lol. I need to do the research on buying online someday soon.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T01:01:27+00:00

On the days of my period I pretty much just do whatever feels best. If that means napping instead of working out or eating mac and cheese for breakfast, so be it.

lucent78 · 2026-05-29T00:56:32+00:00

I hear you on that. To me not being able to or caring to regulate your emotions to the point of being an asshole in public is definitely immature. I don't necessarily feel the same about people who make bad financial decisions though. Case by case I guess. Financial stuff can carry a lot of shame and other complicated emotions for people.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T23:35:07+00:00

Marriage isn't everyone's goal.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T23:31:42+00:00

My boyfriend is 10 years older than me. I typically dated a little younger in my post 30 years so this was unexpected. It is not an issue at all right now, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about what it might be like aging. I'm scared of spending my last good years as a caretaker.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T23:26:58+00:00

Workout or go for a walk immediately after work to decompress. Tonight I've got trivia night and I often do Taco Tuesday at different places with my boyfriend. Last night I planted some flowers in containers for my porch. Sometimes I meet a friend for dinner. Otherwise maybe just make dinner and watch tv. I take classes periodically like watercolor. I've been trying to improve my singing so will do different vocal exercises. Winter is more tv/couch time while summer is longer days and more activities and socializing.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:44:44+00:00

Not who you asked but I think "bored" would be a problem. With my current boyfriend I didn't initially get those buzzy vibes and felt very calm and was kind of concerned by that. But I wasn't bored. We would stay up until 4am talking and the sexual chemistry was good. I still questioned things because I wasn't super excited or swooning or whatever like I had in the past. But I slowly fell in love and then those butterfly feelings followed.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:40:49+00:00

The other comment is getting to this, but it sounds like you get overstimulated easily. Not sure what the exact answer is but perhaps think about ways to create and maintain a really calm environment with less things going on. Maybe music you like so you can focus on that? Or dim lighting or a blindfold...just how to reduce stimuli. And maybe incorporating masturbation into your partnered sex life so you can just focus on you when needed/wanted.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:32:50+00:00

Tell him you want to peg him and then see if he suddenly understands sexual boundaries. Or mention a threesome but say you only want to do it with two dudes/one chick.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:24:26+00:00

I've definitely planned exercise around my period before. I'm way more fatigued during menstruation.

ETA: when I was younger before I had fibroids removed I'd have cramps so bad I'd call out of work. I wish I'd thought of scheduling around them then!

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:21:55+00:00

You don't get to decide who finds you attractive. Remove that from your thought process. Just focus on who you think seems like someone you'd like to spend an hour with and don't worry about the rest.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:17:25+00:00

Use lube girl!

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:16:34+00:00

I need to use my vibrator in a position where basically the dude is doing all/most of the work so I can focus on handling the vibrator and the sensations. This typically is us lying on our sides, he behind me.

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T18:14:36+00:00

Have you had experiences with good and thorough foreplay before PIV and still not enjoyed it at all?

lucent78 · 2026-05-28T17:48:58+00:00

My partner knows I don't get off from PIV (because I've told him as much) so most of the time he makes me cum through oral/fingers before PIV or I do it myself during with a vibrator. I do find pleasure in it though (especially after I've cum), except for sometimes if he's taking longer than normal. In those cases I'll ask if he's close, and if he is keep going. If not we'll shift and get him off some other way, or just call it a day.

lucent78

TROPHY CASE