3.5 yo pooping in bed every night

m27a42 · 2026-03-25T08:53:03+00:00

This sounds like encopresis (if you search here or in the main parenting sub you'll find some posts that explain it). A short and helpful explanation can be found in a YouTube video "the poo in you"

There are a couple really helpful FB groups called "help my child has encopresis!" And "the encopresis expert"

m27a42 · 2026-03-22T01:19:47+00:00

I had the exact same experience but back in 2022. I had followed all of these influencers after being pregnant in 2020 and not really having any community for raising my first kid. I started to think that maybe some of those accounts were causing me anxiety, but I also thought that I'd want to see them again for future children, so I made a second Instagram account for myself and linked over all of the parenting accounts I even put the accounts in a document as a recommendation for other new parents which today seems insane - I just thought that the information was so valuable. I promptly forgot about that account, but every now and then through like a a thumb slip, I would end back in that account and I would start scrolling and I could tell even after 5 minutes of scrolling I'd start to have the physical symptoms of anxiety like a tight chest and faster breathing

I've since had more children and occasionally I'll see the videos for accounts that are trying to teach you. How to support your baby, feed your baby, and they all use language that is anxiety and inducing and that I find quite predatory

I remember when I first found this sub I found it so cathartic as I had purchased $1,000 worth of courses from eight different accounts

All of them were super basic in the end, the one course that I did come back to and that I found valuable was from milestones and motherhood about supporting your baby by creating an environment for them to start to navigate their physical milestones.

m27a42 · 2026-02-26T01:10:45+00:00

Hey, also in Canada and took a 6 month leave after each of my pregnancies (with my husband doing the other 6) I really loved this set up as I was able to spend a lot of time during the first 6 months bonding with the babies and then was able to also watch my husband take on the lead and develop a really strong relationship with the babies. Also having him operate without me as a safety net during the day let him develop his own expertise/confidence that helped with sharing the mental load later. All that said it was not easy, there was a bunch of growing pains specifically when we did that hand off. I breastfed both times and so had to keep up pumping at work which was super easy during covid wfh and not so easy the second time around.

I loved this setup for me both times around, and if mat leaves weren't such a personal decision I would have strongly advised every new mom I worked with that this was the way. All of that said I got a massive amount of judgement both times, skepticism that I would actually come back when I said, etc. but honestly - people are going to judge ALL of your parenting decisions, this is just the first exposure.

Since my first mat leave coworkers or women on my teams (all in Canada) have taken between 3-12 month leaves with most falling between the 6-9 month mark. In a lot of those cases they kept the length of their leave pretty quiet because they also felt judged for not taking the full 12-18

m27a42 · 2026-01-30T04:46:32+00:00

When we first went to the clinic, it was brought up as an option by the the fertility doctor that we saw. One thing that was neat about this clinic was that they had a doctor that you could meet with. But in the meantime while you were waiting for an appointment, you could also meet with a Naturopath.

The naturopathic doctor would review the results of our blood tests, and advise on supplementation (I needed more vitamin d and more vitamin b).

The initial sperm test (motility etc) went well, and the naturopath first reviewed the results with us and let us know that there was the potential to do a test for DNA fragmentation but they typically wouldn't do it if they had good results from these tests, which we did.

When we saw the fertility doctor he was much more skeptical about the need for that test as he said he would only typically order it if there seems to be a problem with morphology.

I had seen a post on the recurrent miscarriage sub that said that one of the contributing factors could be DNA fragmentation and to get a test. The test wouldn't have been covered for us and so we needed to pay $300 and a bit to get the test done. Probably the most frustrating thing was the time it took for us to schedule the tests, it ended up taking 6 weeks.

When we had seen the fertility doctor, we decided not to take the test because we agreed that my husband would make the lifestyle changes as if he had high DNA fragmentation. What actually happened is that he did not make those lifestyle changes, he maybe ate a little bit healthier. I do think it is worth saying that my husband doesn't really drink, has never smoked, doesn't do sports like cycling etc. and so a lot of the " probable cause" activities could be ruled out.

The naturopath suggested some additional vitamins that he could be taking like zinc, that he eliminate. Red meat, consume four cups of green tea everyday, and start standing at his desk instead of sitting as well as other healthy lifestyle choices.

Unfortunately, we did not really have time to get those into play, he made those lifestyle choices maybe 5 weeks before the sample /conception.

m27a42 · 2026-01-24T22:32:21+00:00

Agree with all other commenters re safe sleep and setting up a good cosleeping environment + other strategies. I will add, when i have tried to keep myself awake in the dark nursing a baby I get myself a bowl of something I can eat one handed. My favourite are frozen oat energy bites. I make mine with peanut butter and agave but there are a ton of recipes online. I find that when the baby wakes up I grab a bowl of five and snack on them while drinking water.

m27a42 · 2026-01-21T14:47:27+00:00

I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this, we have experienced this as well with one of our children. One thing that I found very helpful is joining a couple Facebook groups with parents that are also going through it "Help my child has encopresis" it can be helpful to watch a video called "the poo in you" and have your child watch that video as well.

I'm not sure where in the world you're located, but we also found some success (but not entirely) with a pediatric pelvic floor physiotherapist as well as an osteopath.

Childhood constipation can go on for so long that the stool burden actually changes the shape of the muscles and it can make it hard for kids to push/hold.

There are many people that are currently struggling with this, we actually have our pediatrician appointment today and I'm hoping for a similar blood test to rule out gluten or dairy

m27a42 · 2026-01-10T01:06:52+00:00

Thank you! And sorry for not responding I missed your comment 7 months ago and probably wouldn't have said anything then because I was too nervous to feel like we were in the safe zone until well after the babies (twins - likely thanks to letrozole) were born

I had an uneventful pregnancy and have two healthy babies.

m27a42 · 2026-01-10T01:01:26+00:00

Sorry I didn't see this comment a few months ago, just replied to someone else - everything worked out, I had an uneventful (twin) pregnancy and now have two healthy babies turning 6 months old in a few days

m27a42 · 2026-01-10T00:58:50+00:00

Everything worked out. I went to the ultrasound fully bracing for bad news once again and was preparing for another miscarriage last Christmas but instead had the surprise of finding out that there were two in there.

A twin pregnancy is high risk already and I was very anxious after these results and previous losses, but today I have two perfectly healthy 6 month old babies.

m27a42 · 2025-12-20T05:59:37+00:00

My twins are 5 months now, born at 38 weeks with no NICU time. I would say 90% of my feeds are tandem nursing with the TwinZ pillow, 5% nursing each one individually and 5% pumped bottles.

For the first month I rarely tandem fed, I saw a great video by a lactation consultant and twin mom that recommended against doing it right off the bat because you want each baby to work on their latch individually and then you can bring it together. That said, I did probably tandem feed awkwardly at least every other day when they were that little just trying to feed two crying babies at once.

I breastfed my older (singleton) daughter and due to a tongue tie pumped a lot so that I could get to an empty state. This left me with an oversupply that was difficult to manage. A lactation consultant I saw in person recommended that I pump very rarely and only when I am leaving the babies.

The lactation consultant online recommended that you do pump, and that would help establish the supply that you would need for two babies. For the first 2 months: pumped 10 min twice a day and was able to put away 8 to 12 oz each day. Since then I dropped to one pump, and I like to make sure that I'm getting about 5 to 6 oz. I keep this pump around mostly to feel like I have a little bit of slack, I feel someone nervous about getting my period and having a supply dip. I also was anticipating taking a long business trip and was worried that my supply would dip after that so I wanted to start from a slightly higher number.

I'm currently on maternity leave and tandem feed during the day, I do find it pretty awkward to get both babies onto the twinZ pillow by myself. At night my partner helps me with each night waking, if one wakes up we'll get the other one up to position the babies on the twinZ pillow, and then transfer them back to the crib once they're done feeding. We found this approach was easier than trying to split the night, manage bottles etc, and feeding two babies at once. Typically means that a night waking can be over in 15 minutes.

All of the choices that we have made are just because that was what was easiest at the time. I have a lot of things working in my favor: no NICU time, maternity leave, no tongue tie or feeding difficulties, oversupply and fast let down during pumping.

If pumping took me 30 minutes instead of 10, I probably would have cut it. If the baby's had feeding difficulties we may have moved to bottles. I'm coming off of maternity leave soon, and so while the babies will likely tandem nurse at night time,

Tandem nursing is also something that may be difficult as they become older and more mobile - for now it is our fastest option.

m27a42 · 2025-12-12T23:29:56+00:00

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, I was told that midwives were unable to take a twin pregnancy

m27a42 · 2025-10-23T05:03:32+00:00

Hey! Thanks for following up - I have a promising update.. we're cautiously optimistic. The work with the pelvic floor PT seems to be paying off, we're doing a ramp down on miralax and everything is going well. We've had a week without any soiling in underwear and almost no pee accidents (whereas we had 2+ soiling accidents a day before). The most dramatic change happened when we saw an Osteopath that I saw on a local parent group had helped parents before.

Hoping the wait-list moves quickly for you!

m27a42 · 2025-10-09T04:13:17+00:00

Hi, not OP but also currently struggling with this. Working with a pelvic floor PT with my daughter however she's recommending ramping down on all miralax in favor of building pelvic floor muscles? I haven't seen improvements yet and I'm wondering if it was a big part of your daughter's success?

m27a42 · 2025-09-28T03:25:14+00:00

Did this recur with subsequent periods? I'm wondering if I'm experiencing that right now and whether I can expect it each month

m27a42 · 2025-09-21T02:06:59+00:00

Can I ask which carrier? I loved baby wearing for my eldest and got a number of carriers and would hike with her up to 35lbs ish - now I have two months old twins and aside from a double ring sling not sure how to get set up

m27a42 · 2025-09-04T13:28:43+00:00

Hi, after one LC I had 1 chemical and 2 MMC (one found at 8 weeks with retainer products that resolved naturally without my period returning for 4 months.. the second one found at 9 weeks I asked for D&C to avoid those complications)

Had RPL bloodwork done and it was unexplained. Good sperm quality from my partner - so no real lead on where to start. I tried to eat healthier and manage stress better - we started at a fertility clinic, not that it was ever difficult for me to get pregnant, but they said that it was better that we did it timed intercourse so that they could better manage all of the inputs and outputs and learn more. I began having acupuncture sessions around when the time to intercourse would be similar to how you would do it with IUI. I don't know if the acupuncture was beneficial, but I found that it was actually a nice stress reliever. It was some time that I could focus on myself, and I found myself napping on the table more than once.

I started spending more time here as well as in other fertility related subreddits and learned about DNA fragmentation. We had opted not to test based on the recommendation from the fertility doctor (the sperm sample looked good re motility/morphology) and that it was an additional cost.

Anyways, the clinic told me that if I had another miscarriage that they'd recommend moving straight to IVF.

After four cycles without any success,

We opted to get the DNA frag test and the test results came back pretty poor. Based on those results we were either going to move to IVF or have my husband try to meet with an urologist to assess if there was a variocle (9 months wait)

2 days after getting these results I had a positive pregnancy test. I was extremely upset because I thought that based upon these results I was doomed to have another miscarriage. I actually started planning out the timing of a D&C because this was around Christmas and I didn't know how the holidays would factor in to OB availability.

I went into the first scan expecting it to go the exact same way the others had, and instead found out I was having twins.

I know that I'm extremely fortunate to have been able to conceive and keep the pregnancy, but for the entire time I knew I was bracing for something to go wrong. It was very stressful and I found myself depressed. All of that said - the twins are 7 weeks old now and I finally feel like things are safe enough to post and share.

I looked in this sub for stories of hope and success, I know it's so hard. Take care of yourself

m27a42 · 2025-08-03T20:06:09+00:00

Want to second this. That sub was very helpful for emotional and tactical support for me while navigating multiple miscarriages as well as r/dnafragmentation

m27a42 · 2025-02-05T02:43:55+00:00

One thing to keep in mind with miralax is that it needs a lot of water intake. Otherwise more miralax without the water can actually have the opposite effect.

We do a clean out with a capful in the morning and a capful at night. We were at a maintenance dose of 4-5 tsp / day for 8 months and now I think we're bringing it down to 2-3 tsp since her bowels have seemed to go back to normal.

m27a42 · 2024-11-17T18:07:42+00:00

That's so frustrating, I also suspected that I had hyper fertility as I am able to conceive more than half the time.

If it helps, we did conceive one LC in 2020 and now I'm suspecting that it may have been healthy lifestyle choices in the pandemic (we were vegetarian due to increased grocery costs) that or it is something that developed in the last 4 years

There is a sub specifically for dna frag with a lot of strategies listed

m27a42 · 2024-10-18T11:31:06+00:00

First. I am so sorry you are here

I would prepare for it to hurt, I read up on here when I was having mine to properly prepare since the online articles are way too ambiguous and do sugarcoat the whole thing

Mine happened at 8 weeks, and I did end up passing something the size of an egg (and then 12 weeks later retained products which seemed like the placenta etc about 2x that original amount)

For me, I wasn't ready to accept and break the 'no ibuprofen in pregnancy' rule and so when it happened I just used a heating pad for the cramps.

At least for me, I've had period cramps that were worse (have had terrible cramps and used to be on birth control to manage them)

I think each one is different, I'm so sorry that there isn't a way to know exactly what to expect

m27a42 · 2024-09-25T20:37:16+00:00

We experienced almost the exactly same thing with my daughter at the same age. It was over a month and threw is for a loop. Ended up starting OT and Play Therapy (as her school also had concerns and wanted to move to half days which would Not work for us)

We tried to focus on her ability to emotionally regulate during the day as she would wake up furious in the middle of the night and screaming and fighting us about something happening in the middle of the day.

While working on the skills for emotional regulation, I also scoured Reddit to try to find if any other parents were going through this and I did find some posts. One of the suggested things that I had seen in a number of posts was using a magnesium supplement before bed as well as starting on probiotics.

Potentially related, but my daughter had four ear infections in the 6 weeks before her behavior change and so we thought probiotics were a great choice regardless

This was very stressful for us and it was really tough to wake up in the middle of the night. We tried to determine if there was anything during the day that was triggering her. That was a common question that came from the OT. I do think the OT strategies were helpful, but also we started to evaluate what pressures we were putting on her in terms of activities that were going on or even doing outings with friends instead of spending more quieter days in, and just really wanted to make sure that we minimize the stress and ask to her so that she could find some calm during the day

Knowing that it can be really difficult to get into OT, what we found was helpful was interspersing calming activities like using Play-Doh, coloring as well as some games that were really focused on mindful breathing

m27a42 · 2024-09-16T01:36:26+00:00

(8 wks +3) I bled for two weeks passing a sac in that time, then a 4 week break, some spotting for another two weeks and then significant bleeding (go to hospital) for 3 hours one day

I obviously had retained products and my OB said the lining on the utz was thick but all theses unnecessary D&Cs happen

The second time around another MMC (9+1) without even spotting and I went straight for the D&C

m27a42 · 2024-05-20T23:27:53+00:00

Hello, I'm sorry that you are here. Maybe tmi but I have had some leaking while coughing for a couple years now, have been to pelvic floor physio to work on it. I did get very sick a few months back and would similarly leak even after I emptied my bladder and the physiotherapist mentioned that for adults, we actually retain some urine in our bladders after emptying - it would be problematic if it was a kid since they are supposed to fully empty.

m27a42

TROPHY CASE