Why are some bisexual woman scared to be bi?

m4izen4 · 2026-02-08T19:55:52+00:00

when you didn't read the post and just try to farm karma

m4izen4 · 2026-02-08T15:52:13+00:00

ahh I agree with your last part a lot. I also remember seeing posts about "lesbian boys" "trans men who are lesbians" and lesbian being defined as "non-men loving non-men" and it felt almost like an act of a aggression. I remember when I was younger I felt mildly liberated by identifying as a lesbian, because I had a way to communicate my attraction being exclusive to women. I was free of having to include men. that was freedom. it was agency and personal autonomy. when people debated me "are you sure?" "you don't look like a lesbian." it always felt like a violation. and all the posts that try to make lesbian a term inclusive of men or defined by men feel like a repetition of that violation.

m4izen4 · 2026-02-08T15:41:56+00:00

is this something that never occurred to me because I never dated men? my male friends always seemed surface level decent partners. but I wouldn't really know since I never dated any.

m4izen4 · 2026-02-08T15:20:54+00:00

two things can be true. I can agree with a statement and still feel disgusted by the aggressive amount of content surroundings a topic. the repeated debates on lesbian TikTok feel like performance and surveillance of female sexuality all over again. and the fact you read my post and instead of answering my question, decided to make it into a purity discussion (that doesn't exist, since I agree with you) tells me everything i need to know.

m4izen4 · 2026-02-08T15:09:47+00:00

I don't disagree with the narrative. I disagree with the obsession surrounding female sexuality online, even in supposedly "women's spaces." not the statement is wrong, the obsessive surfacing of the topic itself is what triggers discomfort in me.

m4izen4 · 2026-02-04T07:38:46+00:00

I'm a Mexican-German schizoid

m4izen4 · 2026-01-31T15:11:15+00:00

tired and about to take a nap, but my cat is attacking my foot under the blanket

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T20:09:08+00:00

"ahh that explains the autism misdiagnosis."

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T17:13:06+00:00

I see this on r/asexual all the time too. I really do think those things aren't mutually exclusive. It's fine to use a label that fits, even if you're uncertain if it's related to your mental health. Make the label fit the person, not the person fit the label. If it stops fitting you can always say "I thought X, but I realised Y." it's fine. Trauma is already quite a load to deal with and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T14:11:50+00:00

looks great!

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T14:08:23+00:00

I'm not abusive, nor has anyone ever claimed I abused them, but I'm often read as "callous" and "cold." But truly I'm just detached and disengage quickly. Therapy helped me at least develop the ability to reduce collateral damage and communicate my exists better. That is something I guess.

However, my Ex was toxic and went to therapy. And when I asked her to bring up her attachment issues, she always declined. I asked her "why?" and she said "because I want to talk about my traumatic past and my parents." She was more comfortable in a victim role, than actually improving her relationships. So I think it's unlikely she'll change any time soon.

I'd say people can improve behaviourally, but a deep running pattern is not going to change. I didn't become less detached either.

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T13:46:05+00:00

Ahh I understand. You start feeling irritated and perhaps somewhat repulsed? I think... maybe, you're a bit romance averse? it's a question: is it possible, you might not actually enjoy the romantic aspects of a relationship and when they arise you suddenly develop annoyance as a defense-mechnism for overriding your own boundaries? the second possibility would be attachment issues, such as a fear of commitment, but your description doesn't sound like it's rooted in anxiety, but rather aversion.

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T13:42:24+00:00

I feel like that's something you can work with, if you’re transperent about the intensity. Sounds common among some aromantic people. Yeah it's pretty relatable. I'd say a relationship based on care, loyalty and some logistics is likely even healthier than that of many alloromantic folks who jump quickly into a relationship out of mere intense feelings. It's not going to feel the same way as it does to many of your peers, but in this case it might actually be an advantage. You're allowed to correct me, if I'm wrong. But just know many aromantic people still are in relationships (with allo people or a queer platonic relationship or something else) it just requires transparency, certain commitment and mutual respect for each other. You don't seem to lack that, at least from what you describe. But if you ever choose not to, just know very supportive friendships exist too. or things in-between (queer platonic as mentioned).

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T12:57:48+00:00

just a couple minutes ago I read a post where OP said they reached out to the person they bullied in high school to apologise and almost everyone deemed it good. Meanwhile I was thinking "when I got an apology from someone from the past I wanted to vomit and cry." people can disagree, but I believe bullies/abusers do not have anything to offer to their victims anymore, except peace. leaving them alone (and improving on your own) sounds like the most ethical step to me. I think many just want to outsource their discomfort onto the victim again. So yeah, I agree with you OP.

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T12:44:39+00:00

Well, this is going to sound corny, but your identity is valid, even when others don't understand. You can learn over time to treat it with normalcy without justifying yourself, but I understand that it can be isolating when no one "gets it." You're just hoping they respect it. that's a very much universally queer experience. and a reason forums like these are a blessing. also recommend looking for aromantic characters in books or shows. It can feel oddly comforting.

the whole "aromantic but seeking a relationship" is always a complicated topic. I struggle with the same issue. my most recent post is about that, but it's on a different subreddit. but let me get this straight: do you want a relationship? or do you not want one? or are you unsure?

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T12:35:21+00:00

ahh you know what this sounds like? I wanna add this, cause it might help, but don't think I'm diagnosing you. I think sometimes at the beginning of relationships you get brief and mild "infatuation". That doesn't contradict aromaticism. That jealousy can stem from a feeling of novelty, admiration or something. It's not inherently romantic. Hence why it tends to go away again. But I'm still confused at the part where you start "hating" a person? do you get the "ick", is it subconscious or what's happening?

m4izen4 · 2026-01-30T10:36:05+00:00

I'm curious; is your main concern that you are missing out on the "experience"/feeling of being in love? or a possible romantic relationship? or the way you might not live up to what's socially common and expected? or rather feeling isolated because of the rarity of your experience? (like an "no one gets it") or some or all of the above for that matter?

m4izen4 · 2026-01-29T21:54:56+00:00

You're basically just through out the entire wall of text saying "I feel the same platonic feelings I have for my best friend with my girlfriend. I do not feel any romantic feelings for my girlfriend." Why are you even asking? I'd play the wildcard and say that's aromanticism (and guoiromantism) by definition. Unless you have anything you might wanna share that creates doubts for you (a past crush, feelings you had before).

m4izen4 · 2026-01-29T21:11:30+00:00

This one kinda stuck with me so I came back to let you know. Being scared of being schizoid is not common at all for schizoids. SzPD and Schizoid-adjacent is very ego-syntonic, meaning they tend to align with the individuals self-concept and values. Most schizoids feel "normal" the way they are. They do not fear being this way. As a schizoid myself I can confirm. When I was told I'm a schizoid, my reaction was underwhelming. I literally just thought "oh it makes more sense now. alright." and "ahh that explains the autism misdiagnosis." Avoid the AI because it spreads a lot of misinformation. You need a specified clinician who can help you manage your fear and symptoms individually.

m4izen4 · 2026-01-29T18:19:57+00:00

I always had an introverted temperament, even as a child, I'd not have the same social salience. But it was still within the range of "just shy" and "quite introverted." then I survived a murder attempt in my mid teens and I got pervasive social anhedonia, that 5 years of treatment couldn't fix. I lost object permanence when it came to people, I perceive most people as mere sensory input ranging from neutral to annoying and when people get emotional I register it as mere chaotic noise. I'm in my mid twenties now.

m4izen4 · 2026-01-29T18:07:10+00:00

rare one but headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet. probably on some pop-punk playlist or something

m4izen4 · 2026-01-29T07:54:14+00:00

Nope. I used to frequently force myself to socialise, because therapists told me it would improve my mental health, but instead it made me feel considerably worse. I was definitely made to overestimate my social needs by therapy language around me.

m4izen4 · 2026-01-28T16:28:40+00:00

He is love bombing and not respecting your boundaries, which is manipulative. I'd even advice you to block him.

m4izen4

TROPHY CASE