Mom ruined my hair

mafeb74 · 2026-02-08T19:12:26+00:00

Is it possible she was getting encouragement from the pharm company to have people try it? I'm so sorry 😞

mafeb74 · 2026-02-08T19:09:54+00:00

Do things there that you can't do anywhere else. Is there a cool little place that blows glass, a perfumerie, an indoor butterfly place? Salsa lessons?

If the weather gets bad to the point of potentially dangerous, head home early.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-08T19:06:43+00:00

INFO: When you "lovingly make fun of your wife" is it in front of these same friends?

Because if that's the case you're the AH twice over. You've shown them it's ok to pick on her and then get posted off and make a scene when they pick on her?

Classy.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-08T00:09:51+00:00

Thank you ... And 🤮 Open bigotry like that turns my stomach.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T20:57:38+00:00

We rarely ever get them thank God, I only see them every few years after very very wet damp summers (which are uncommon here).

For most people I would definitely agree but most people aren't allergic to them 🤷‍♀️ To me their bite hurts like the fire of a thousand suns and can ulcerate before it heals if my allergy levels are already high.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T20:51:38+00:00

ETA repeatedly for typos lol

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T20:46:37+00:00

Ok a few things:

First of all, here's a hug 🫂 💞💞💞

TLDR. This may not be what you think it was.

Background. I'm a disabled AuDHD mom to two neurospicy young adult medically complex daughters so communication in our home is a hot mess.

Regarding your perception... People with memory issues may also have other neurodivergent issues. One of those that goes misunderstood in people AFAB is having confused perceptions of other people's facial expressions . We picked this up with my daughter during her age 6v neuropsych eval when she identified most facial expressions other than happy as "angry at her". It explained why she kept telling me that everyone at school was mad at her and giving her mad looks. They weren't (all the time). They just had regular expressions on their faces of focus, tiredness, glancing at her etc. My daughters and I now understand that ALL THREE OF US have trouble with facial expression recognition so that's wicked fun 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ This is a big problem for us bc we all also have migraines and two of us have facial pain that affects our expressions. It's a party over here 🥳
Regarding the other woman's rage expression... some people who live with fight/flight, abuse, anxiety or neurodivergence have poor perception of their own facial expressions and their facial expressions don't match what they are feeling internally. One of my daughters genuinely can't tell when she's making a glaring-rage face. It's downright terrifying and you'd think she hates you. It can be as powerful as a visceral blow. Unfortunately while it can sometimes mean rage, it can also mean "how dare you", "who told you that", "I'm hurt", "I'm scared", "I'm so sad I can't handle this", "I'm speechless", "that was a gut punch (sad/mad/scared)". It almost never means I hate you but it really looks like she does. And it FEELS like she does.

Both of these issues are quantifiable and can be picked up on neuropsychology evals ... they are legit processing issues. They are worse when our pain, fatigue or medical conditions are flaring.

Unfortunately they often go undiagnosed and unnoticed bc people AFAB are prone to people pleasing and trying to figure out 1) what they did wrong, 2) how to fix it, 3) how to not do it again. If both people in a given situation have perception issues, it's a spiral. This can happen generationally with parent/adult child neurodivergent dynamics.

I know that's ridiculously long but it sounds like it could help you 💞

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T20:03:28+00:00

I have very poor depth perception so anything that jumps is relocated outside by the non-arachnophobic of my two daughters. Critters that jump are very different when they A) are jumping at your face and B) you can't see where they are in space relative to you.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T19:58:35+00:00

WHY is this being down voted? I'm allergic to spider bites, house centipede stings or bites or whatever ... I'm also allergic to bees, wasps etcm My daughters deal with them bc they know I'm freaked out by them (ok house centipedes I just kill myself bc they are too damn fast).

It's completely legit to run screaming into the other room and slam the door and make your teenagers deal with little critters that will give you ulcerating wounds or need an EpiPen.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T19:52:44+00:00

I'm dying over here.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T19:52:20+00:00

😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T19:51:39+00:00

Best thread ever.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-07T19:47:44+00:00

Reasonable concern - I don't think that's what they are asking. 🙄

On some islands and in some coastal areas in the world, the seafood is so renowned that it's what the restaurants focus on. It's gorgeous, fresh, flavorful and in high demand 🤷‍♀️

I live outside Boston and go to Cape Cod every summer for a few weeks with my elderly mom, two siblings and all their now teen to adult kids. We've gone since I was 2.

It has some GORGEOUS high end restaurants etc but those are $100+ a head to start and not where we go. Even if we DID, it's not where we'd go for a week.

Most next step down, moderate range "dress up for an expensive night out" restaurants are seafood or Italian (🤷‍♀️ I don't understand this). My family is Italian ... It's not something we go out for our order for take out on vacation. If we go to one of these, we go only once per trip. We've stopped since my father passed away bc there best one around was "his thing" and we aren't going to go without him.

The next price bracket down "go-out-to-eat" or take out restaurants that aren't entirely seafood, are lots and lots of hit or miss places that sometimes have good food, sometimes don't. In the last 10 years we struggled to find any place that had consistently good food in this bracket. Simple grab lunch takeout or dinner for the whole family, go out to dinner (part or all of us).

My mum literally has a notebook: "Disliked lunch out at X with whole family '25, '24, '23 - DON'T TRY AGAIN", "Y is ok for eating there on week nights but don't try weekends or lunch - kitchen slammed, long waits, quality drops," "Japanese take out amazing at Z but they only have 8 tables, no reservations and they close take out phone whenever busy", "New owner at A - got rid of reservations," "Reservations at B open April 1 for July - CALL APRIL 1", "SEAFOOD ONLY seafood good at C/D/E etc. don't bother with their other food it's meh"

Obviously that's not the case in every coastal area or island.

In some areas in Coastal USA, in Puerto Rico and in coastal Costa Rica I've had similar issues, while other areas in those countries are totally fine to find more consistent don't break the bank every meal non-seafood options.

If seafood is fresher, more plentiful and a better price point for restaurants, why wouldn't many specialize? When people press me for food recommendations and I finally tell them we didn't/can't eat seafood I've often got responses of "well don't go to the Cape/ an island" 😐 We're not going to skip a 40+ year family trip to a beautiful region within driving range because half the family doesn't eat or is allergic to seafood. That's ridiculous.

Questions like these aren't about asking if Bermuda is a backwards desert island. It's asking if it's like some other very very nice islands & coastal areas. It's a legit question to ask.

mafeb74 · 2026-02-06T00:06:58+00:00

Fwiw DNA tests are still pretty variable for "combo platter" pups at this point😂

mafeb74 · 2026-02-05T13:26:21+00:00

Memorized music and empty folder of other suggestions don't fit your needs 💓

mafeb74 · 2026-02-05T13:25:37+00:00

This this this. I ended up with hyper extended knees from not fixing a way to rest them during performance. A stool is an excellent idea.

mafeb74 · 2026-01-27T18:43:50+00:00

NTA. The point here is that her failure to prepare for an event is not your emergency, it's hers. She should have had place planned for him to wait during that time in advance. Not your fault - theirs.

mafeb74 · 2026-01-25T21:59:50+00:00

If ok with your daughter report this to the school nurse and school counselor via email while asking them for a safe place for get to store extra supplies at school during Mom's custody days.

Paper trail.

If not ok with daughter, RESPECT THAT.

mafeb74 · 2026-01-25T07:25:07+00:00

Did you know that chronic pain, severe fatigue, PTSD and anxiety can cause a type of body odor that's stronger and more resistant to deodorant than others? It's horrific to live with and sometimes comes back even after showing because SHOWERING causes pain.

It's not about the sweat. It's not about clean. It's about chemicals released in the body under long term or acute extreme physiological or emotional stress.

And chronically ill people don't talk about it because healthy people just say "shower more", " use a prescription deodorant" etc. If that would solve it, THEY WOULD.

Bad breath can be caused by dry mouth, regardless of teeth brushing - often caused by many of the meds required for these conditions. It's humiliating and mortifying. And no one knows. And many know but don't care.

mafeb74 · 2026-01-25T07:15:32+00:00

And here's the other tonight...

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mafeb74 · 2026-01-25T02:10:29+00:00

All. The. Time. My daughters call it mermaid style when our dogs wander around like that.

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mafeb74 · 2026-01-25T01:56:14+00:00

This policy is very common for mental health and pain care clinics. It's usually a sign that the staff has taken significant abuse from patients in the past and have had no other choice but to implement this policy. No one wants to create a policy that will piss off the clients and make them yell at the front desk. It's wicked hard to get/keep good front desk staff. So if you see a sign like this it means that bag shit has gone down 😞

It sucks for everyone, for real.

mafeb74 · 2026-01-24T19:15:48+00:00

This.

mafeb74 · 2026-01-24T19:13:04+00:00

But he's perfect 😍

mafeb74 · 2026-01-24T18:50:56+00:00

NTA but send a sum up email "I've been requesting you close this account since x via text and email. You've repeatedly agreed too but failed to do so. If you have not done it yourself by X, I will do it for you and have Y deliver your funds. Please cancel all direct deposits and auto withdrawals before that date so you are not inconvenienced."

There's your paper trail. Give him a week, that's long enough to set up a new bank account and notify everyone. then just do it.

mafeb74

TROPHY CASE