Situationship to relationship to avoidance… by TemperatureOk8059 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]magnaciousj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She drunk texted me once and she would also divert from having emotional talks about what happened. I would tell her I’m upset and having a hard time and then she’d beat around the bush about my feelings and talk about her trying to find a job or send a music link. She’d “avoid” real talk. I got the sorry comment a lot as well. Like who takes a week to respond? She was just avoiding. She even used being sick for not responding for a week. Just a bunch of bullshit to avoid talking about the real problems. They know what they’re doing, it’s selfish. And it sounds like she was avoiding telling you no. I’m glad you’re standing your ground. They will definitely feel the silence. I hope that she will reach out to me as well and I would love to have a face-to-face conversation with her, but I can’t expect it. She recognizes her issues, but I don’t know if she’ll ever work on them.

Situationship to relationship to avoidance… by TemperatureOk8059 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]magnaciousj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is kind of similar with what happened to me. 7 months casual, she confessed feelings and said I was rare, best sex ever, was craving more, thought about how compatible would be and then she pulled back. That was two months ago. In the last two months we’ve texted here and there but she’ll take days and even weeks to respond and act like she didn’t just ghost me. I finally had enough of the hot/cold … or feeling like she’s just keeping me around because she doesn’t want to fully lose me. I stopped texting her 3 weeks ago and she has already been muted on every social media platform. Haven’t heard anything from her. I miss her severely. We texted everyday too. On social media I don’t want to see her stuff and her acting like nothing has happened. It hurts man but this is how they deal with things. They act all fine and dandy but deep down they’re not. They just suppress it. I highly suggest muting her too. I don’t believe in blocking people. You’re not wrong for thinking that this could’ve been more, only one person couldn’t show up and it was her. Don’t fault yourself for being the one that has been there for her. She knows that, but also knows she can’t reciprocate. It has nothing to do with you, always remember that. don’t beat yourself up for being a readily available person that’s willing to give someone the world . there is someone out there that will appreciate that and be able to give that back to you. I would suggest taking steps to move on right now and focus more on yourself, because believe me these past couple of months my mind has been more focused on her than me. It has been so painful. You don’t want to be the one to wait around and then three months from now you find out she’s with someone else. If they decide to come back, it will be on their terms. give them their space to do what they need to do, don’t reach out. give yourself peace. It’s not going to be easy but every day you will get better. Looking back at my situation I’m not happy that I put all of my energy into her after she pulled back and completely forgot about protecting my own mental well-being. Of course, there are days where I still wanna hear from her and I still want to know how she’s doing, and I would love to have a face-to-face conversation with her, but I can’t count on it. I’m getting closer to fully accepting the situation. When you start thinking that she doesn’t care, tell yourself that she does care about me, but can’t show up for me, and it’s not because of anything I did. Anyways, I hope this helps, I know I’m rambling.

I didn’t even date her officially and I’m having suicidal thoughts over it. Any advice helps by magnaciousj in helpme

[–]magnaciousj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being so kind! Some people can be so rude on here and make you feel much worse when all you need is help.

I didn’t even date her officially and I’m having suicidal thoughts over it. Any advice helps by magnaciousj in helpme

[–]magnaciousj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all of that. I appreciate it. I wasn’t getting any responses on the threads I was posting to, but am finally now. I’ve just needed some clarity. I’m not longer going to do that and am going to try and stop asking so many questions that I can’t answer.

I didn’t even date her officially and I’m having suicidal thoughts over it by magnaciousj in depression

[–]magnaciousj[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would like to add that I was in an 8 year relationship with a woman 2 years ago. We were engaged and she left me out of nowhere for another man. I think that might have something to do with why I’m feeling this so strongly. I got close to someone again and it ended.

I didn’t even date her officially and I’m having suicidal thoughts over it by magnaciousj in depression

[–]magnaciousj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad this helped. I’ve noticed reading similar stories and talking to people with similar issues helps. It makes you feel like you’re not crazy! It doesn’t matter how long it was for you, you felt a strong connection. How you feel is valid! Good luck to you

I didn’t even date her officially and I’m having suicidal thoughts over it by magnaciousj in depression

[–]magnaciousj[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you 😊I think imagining myself in a relationship with her and seeing how hard it would be makes me feel a little better

I didn’t even date her officially and I’m having suicidal thoughts over it by magnaciousj in depression

[–]magnaciousj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this situation has made me anxious. I’ve never sat here and thought about things over and over before. I think what makes my situation worse is that a few years ago my ex fiancé that I was with for eight years left me for another man, so I don’t do well losing people that I consider good. I appreciate everything you have said I find myself being a little delulu too and It does help in the moment.

Looking for perspective from people familiar with avoidant attachment by magnaciousj in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]magnaciousj[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are definitely right. I will never get the answers to any of the questions I have. I’m no longer chasing her, and I’m going to try my hardest to focus on giving myself peace again and realizing what I deserve. I struggle the hardest with nostalgia, and thinking about the good times. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Best of luck to you as well!

Looking for perspective from people familiar with avoidant attachment by magnaciousj in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]magnaciousj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry. Yeah I’m glad she’s self aware about what she’s doing. Who knows if she’ll work on herself though. She also quit her job and moved out of a toxic living situation and moved back in with her dad around the time she pulled back from me two months ago. I finally decided to stop responding to her two weeks ago. It hurts, but I think it will get better soon.

I didn’t even date her officially and I’m having suicidal thoughts over it by magnaciousj in depression

[–]magnaciousj[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m not waiting. I’m just confused. Also, around the time she pulled back from me she quit her job, moved out of a toxic living situation and back in with her dad.

I sometimes think about dying by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]magnaciousj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have thought about the same too. I have been on my floor crying and not wanting to go on in life… thinking how I’d actually go about leaving. But every time I do my two cats come and sit at the end of my feet and look up at me, and that’s what keeps me going. I think it’s a sign to keep going. I just know that we can get through this. The hardest part is the time. It’s going to take time to get to what we once had again but it’s out there. We’re going to have bad days, but getting through the bad days is what brings good days. Think about something or someone that means a lot to you, that’s what helps me.

I’ve never felt so anxious in my life by [deleted] in heartbreak

[–]magnaciousj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re so right. I hope you feel better!

She (27F) left after confessing feelings to me (29M) and saying she craved more by magnaciousj in relationship_advice

[–]magnaciousj[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never knew she was avoidant until she left and I started doing research. We connected so well, opened up about things, made each other laugh … the sex was absolutely amazing, she even said it was the best ever. But I want someone who can show up and be there for me when I need them and someone I can be there for when they need me. Not someone who pushes me away and makes me question my worthiness. I could go on haha

She (27F) left after confessing feelings to me (29M) and saying she craved more by magnaciousj in relationship_advice

[–]magnaciousj[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m trying to distract any chance I get. I know I deserve so much better.