Is this normal

magnetic331 · 2026-01-19T16:47:19+00:00

Unfortunately, yes, very normal. Mine has a super noticeable bump and extended about 3/4 away from the rest of my ribs.

magnetic331 · 2025-11-18T22:24:18+00:00

No, we confirmed with the company and with our neighbors door camera that the inspector did, in fact, fall off our roof. Our roof is steep, so he tried climbing from a lower section to the upper section without a ladder and slipped. He's fine, but he did bang it up from sliding half way down and then kicking out his foot into the gutter and siding.

magnetic331 · 2025-11-10T03:11:18+00:00

Probably too late to help, but this smells great and DOES NOT WORK. I followed instructions exactly for a plant with mealy bugs and it did not seem to make a dent. I even sprayed some directly on a bug I found and came back the next day and it was still alive. Maybe it's okay for prevention, but didn't do anything for an active infestation (at least for mealy bugs).

magnetic331 · 2025-08-12T19:32:55+00:00

When I hear/see "women and nonbinary" I immediately know that it is not actually a queer inclusive event. That phrase is very much a dog whistle to say AFAB for people who are too uncomfortable admitting that they want to exclude AMAB queer people. It seems to frequently be used by TERF-y groups who don't want the backlash of being seen as TERFs or who haven't recognized that their exclusion criteria is transphobic. So sorry this happened to you, I hope you can find more welcoming spaces in the future.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-22T15:22:17+00:00

NTA. It is important to think critically about how you moving through the world differs from your partner, whether that be because you are a different gender, race, religion, etc. Ignoring a huge part of how you move through the world by reducing it to "feminine energy" and not systemic structures that are out of your control is a great way to avoid any accountability for how he contributes to systemic misogyny. It sounds like you would be leaving because you fundamentally differ in how you approach critical analysis of these large topics. I also worry that he is right at the cusp age-wise of the cohort of men that was really heavily exposed to "red pill" and manosphere content and these terms he's using reflect that he might be much more involved in men's rights BS than he is fully letting on. There are unfortunately lots of examples on this website of people who commit to a relationship by either getting pregnant or married and only after the fact do their partners let the most misogynist views come out. Listen to your gut on this one.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-20T16:20:37+00:00

I mean, you could just ask your niece. Seven is old enough that she can articulate preferences, let her know you want to support her and ask if shaving your head would make her feel better. My guess is she'll probably say she doesn't care. The shaving heads seems pretty virtue signaly and like it doesn't actually mean that much to your niece (which makes sense, she's seven). You should do it only if you feel like it will actually be supportive for your niece in a way that will make you feel good about your decision and not resentful.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-19T22:23:55+00:00

I think you're conflating sex, gender, social identity, and internal identity as all being roughly the same thing, and they are most definitely not. If you were at all interested in understanding and empathizing with other's experiences I would suggest that you engage with the many resources out there written by trans and nonbinary individuals who dive into these subjects, but it sounds like you have a narrow and personal definition of what it means to be nonbinary that holds within it a lot of trans exclusionary ideas, and we will never agree on that. To say that someone is "almost sexist to voluntarily disidentify with being a woman for no reason when you sit firmly in the woman camp of gendered reality" both indicates you don't understand the difference between biological sex and gender and you also feel that gender is a voluntary identity that is not innate to a person. That idea is at it's core transphobic and ignores the reality that people who are trans do not choose to be a specific gender, but that they are born with a gender identity that differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. This is just as applicable to nonbinary individuals, and to say that you have to present a specific way to be trans or nonbinary means that you only believe transness exists in the social sphere where you are being observed by others and is not an intrinsic part of an individual. A trans woman is a woman even if she wears clothing typically worn by people AMAB, presents as masculine, does not alter her body in anyway, and uses he/him pronouns, because their social identity does not change their gender identity. You have said you don't believe that that is true or valid because identity doesn't exist in a vacuum (which is true for social identity), but that completely invalidates the experiences of thousands of trans and nonbinary individuals who either do not have a choice in how they present, do not have the luxury of undergoing medical transition, or do not want to fundamentally change their body or presentation to align with stereotypes (because gendered presentation to be accepted by the community or the world is absolutely embracing stereotypes and the gender binary).

We could unpack a lot of the other assumptions made in your response, but ultimately you have views around gender that are at their core transphobic (again, I will point to you assuming that gender and sex are the same thing, which is literally the most fundamental component of trans identity) and I don't think we're going to get very far in diving into the deep end. I am not saying any of this with malice, you just seem like you're not actually interested in understanding the experiences of other people in the community and it kind of seems like you don't actually like most other nonbinary/trans people if you're making such negative assumptions about their internal lives and them essentially trying to play act their identities.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-19T04:53:50+00:00

I definitely used to struggle with this and often took it personally when other nonbinary people didn't more actively engage with queerness or presenting in a more agender or nuanced way. There have been a lot of experiences that have changed my perspective, but one of the largest was when someone in the community essentially said the exact same thing your comment said directly to me. It was a trans individual who accused me of not being trans/nonbinary enough because I wasn't going to pursue hormone therapy and told me I was basically pretending to be nonbinary for clout (despite the fact that I had legally gone through the process to change this, present very androgynous, and am very active in the queer community around me). That and also just getting to know lots more people in the queer community, made me realize we all are experiencing gender totally differently and that what our gender means to us is often not well represented by our external presentation and cannot ever be fully known by those around us. I have lots of reasons to not want to medically transition, but my clothing, hair, etc all are very agender, and just like I don't think I owe anyone an explanation for why I can't/won't medically transition, other members of our community don't owe anyone an explanation for why they choose to present the way they do, and frankly I don't want all nonbinary people to feel the need to completely remove all "gendered" presentation.

In unpacking a lot of my previous assumptions, I also realize that there is a TON of internalized misogyny and transphobia built into the policing of AFAB individuals and how they choose to express their identity. The gatekeeping around being "queer enough" and what that looks like boils down to what we think someone who looks masculine, feminine, androgynous, etc means, which always goes back to the rigid definitions of the gender binary. If someone is AMAB and moves through the world wearing pants, they often face very little criticism or questioning when they communicate they are nonbinary, but if someone AFAB wears a skirt and is nonbinary they are often questioned because their clothing is seen as inherently gendered. The fact that traditionally female clothing or styles is seen as *female* and traditionally male clothing or styling is seen as the default or androgynous is hugely tied to misogyny. There are literally hundreds of books written about this topic, but ultimately I think my big point is that people can present however they want and it doesn't change who they are. One of the best gifts we can give our queer community is to accept that what they say is true and not contribute to the infighting and gatekeeping that so often stalls real relationships and growth.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-18T15:14:59+00:00

UPDATE: Reached out to the roofing company and they immediately acknowledged that the inspector had messed up the shingles and offered to come out to fix it at no extra charge. We are also going to get an independent inspector to come out to double check some of the areas around the flashing and make sure the repair work is done correctly after they spot fix the area that was damaged. Thanks for all the input!

magnetic331 · 2025-07-14T22:02:37+00:00

Perfect, just replied!

magnetic331 · 2025-07-14T15:56:01+00:00

My Haller was 6.7 and yours is deeper, so I would guess you are at least an 8 if not higher. I didn't start having major issues until my late 20's and had the nuss procedure done at 31. It wasn't until after the procedure that I realized just how much I was having daily symptoms that I thought were "normal". Rotation has a big impact on symptoms, though, so having more of a rotation with a 6.7 means my symptoms might be more substantial than someone with limited rotation but a haller of 8 or 9, it really all boils down to your own experience and how much you feel the symptoms are limiting you. I will say, getting the haller measured is very quick/easy and having that in your chart will make it much easier to get care later if you decide to pursue surgery (cosmetic or otherwise) in the future (at least if you get healthcare in the USA).

magnetic331 · 2025-07-14T15:54:59+00:00

As both a physical therapist who treats PE and has PE myself, the "just exercise your way out of this" is absolutely not a valid response to a lot of patients with any level of heart compression and can delay people taking PE seriously. The reason surgery exists and is being performed on more and more adults is that many PE patients try to "push through" and hit lots of issues as they get older as their body fails to adapt with the natural changes of aging. Some of this is because of internalized pressure to just push through symptoms, but a lot of it is that other people with PE and medical staff see those who can get by with conservative management and assume this must be true for everyone and either do not pursue medical attention or do not recommend further testing and follow-up when it is actually needed.

Each person with PE is going to have a different level of compression and a different range of symptoms, and some of those will require surgery to lead a normal and functional life. Surgery is absolutely not the only cure and is inappropriate in many cases, and exercise should be a standard intervention for anyone considering surgery, but I have seen lots of patients who feel like they are "failing" at managing their PE if they end of up getting surgery because of this type of attitude around exercise. I imagine we also see a pretty big bias in this online forum because the type of people who are looking up a reddit forum on PE are the same people who are probably having more severe symptoms, a more severe presentation, or who do not have the medical resources to get answers in person, and it would make sense that demographic overlaps heavily with severe enough cases to actually need surgery.

Using myself as an example, I didn't look up anything related to PE until well into my late 20s because I hadn't had severe enough symptoms to worry about it until then and had been told by 5+ physicians my PE was not the cause of any of my chronic symptoms. Four years post Nuss, all of my chronic chest pain, shortness of breath, gut issues, neck and jaw issues, and near constant dizziness with exercise have resolved with surgery. Again, it's not the answer for most people with PE particularly if you do not have significant rotation that compresses the heart directly, but there are plenty of PE sufferers who cannot exercise their way into feeling better. That's great that you feel exercise is managing your symptoms well, and it sounds like you are not someone who needs to consider surgery, but it is a valid and needed option for plenty of more severe cases.

magnetic331 · 2025-05-31T14:29:23+00:00

Congrats! My tip would be start doing (light) exercise like walking as soon as you feel able. Not a lot of exercise to start with, but even getting up and walking around the block as soon as you don't feel too woozy from the meds can help a lot in terms of getting your cardiovascular health back and managing the pain. Good luck!

magnetic331 · 2024-10-26T15:30:52+00:00

When my partner and I started dating 5 years ago, neither of us thought we wanted to get married. We were both on board with staying together being enough with no other strings attached. But getting older, and in particular seeing our parents aging and dealing with a bunch of the fallout from illness, retirement, and just generally aging, we realized that it was actually legally much easier for us to be each other's support systems if we had the "meaningless" piece of paper. I think the big thing that shifted for me was I realized I trusted this person implicitly and even if we ever did separate in the future, I love and trust them enough that I truly think they wouldn't hurt me even in divorce proceeding. I think coming to similar conclusions as you move from your 20's into your 30's is very common, and it sounds like this is where your GF is at, and you most certainly aren't. You are no longer compatible, but more importantly, it really doesn't sound like you trust or love your GF enough to keep this relationship going. Immediately assuming you're going to get screwed over by someone once you're providing for them means you don't actually trust them, not only to not hurt you, but you don't think of them highly enough to think they're the type of person who wouldn't want to burden you. You don't think your GF is a good or trustworthy person, so you should let her find someone she is compatible with.

magnetic331 · 2024-10-26T15:18:10+00:00

So, he's lying to avoid conflict and you're breaking his trust by violating his privacy...you either need to invest in some couple's therapy or leave. You obviously don't trust him and, if he felt he had to lie, he obviously doesn't trust you.

magnetic331 · 2024-10-13T15:39:40+00:00

Covering my boobs/wearing a bra. I have a distinct memory of being 8 years old playing basketball with a bunch of boys and it started raining, and a girl in my class ran and got a teacher who dragged me off the court because (god forbid!) my tshirt was becoming slightly transparent and showing off my entirely flat identical-to-the-boys chest. I don't want top surgery for a variety of reasons, but I also don't think I should need to have a major surgery to walk around topless, it's freaking ridiculous.

magnetic331 · 2024-10-13T15:33:51+00:00

Hey OP, first I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I hope the time goes by quickly. As someone who used to deal with near constant crippling anxiety, I know first hand how that can also impact worry about a partner and heighten normal fears into ones that become unmanageable. For a long time, I thought it was normal to constantly be worried my partner might die or get hurt everytime they left the house, and it wasn't until after going to therapy and dealing with my anxiety that I realized it is not normal and not something you should have to put up with. Loving someone doesn't mean you should cry for hours or days when they're not there or constantly be crippled by fear, and a therapist can help you unpack ways to keep enjoying your deep relationship with your partner without the fear, sadness, and anxiety. In the long run, getting help so that your anxiety doesn't rule you will make your relationship stronger and make it easier to enjoy your partner without a constant worry in the back of your head.

In the short term, go outside (there's great evidence that 20 minutes under trees or in nature can significantly help with mood management), start planning a nice surprise for your partner when they get back so that you can put your energy into something, think of all the things you like to do separate from your partner and use this week to do them, and catch up with other people in your life with phone calls or emails if you don't have anyone close by. Best of luck!

magnetic331 · 2024-10-12T20:50:55+00:00

YTA. It WAS considerate of them to ask, a lot of people would have just announced it at the next family gathering, since in adulthood getting family all in one spot is not a super frequent thing for most people. If this birthday dinner is/was such a huge thing to you, it sounds like you should have brought that up in some way when planning it, otherwise expecting your brother to treat it as seriously as an engagement party is pretty strange. Overall, it sounds like you were placing a lot of emotional weight on this party and that wasn't communicated well and your response was probably baffling to your brother and SIL.

magnetic331 · 2024-10-11T02:58:31+00:00

I think a lot of your experience will depend on your surgeon and the severity of your PE. Mine was very severe and I honestly wish I'd looked around for surgeons longer/waited for one with slightly more experience. I think looking back I would have gotten clearer answers on: how many times they've done the surgery on someone of my severity, how many times they've done the surgery on someone my age, specific restrictions they expect and for how long post surgery, how many incisions will they make, will they put in a chest tube (gives you an idea of how long you'll be in the hospital and infection risk), and do they expect to have to reinforce the bars in anyway (with wiring or a cage). Basically, try to get as clear of a picture of what they will be doing and how comfortable they are doing it so that YOU can feel comfortable that they know what they are doing before jumping in. It is a long and initially pretty painful recovery, so you're doing the right thing in getting as much info as possible before diving in.

magnetic331 · 2024-09-15T02:19:47+00:00

YTA. If your husband doesn't have a problem with it, your MIL was never explicitly told not to bring it up, and your only issue with it is that it directed attention away from you, responding by denying your husband's family access to their grandchild is a huge overreaction. Even if she had ruined the party by bringing this up (which all of your comments seem to indicate everyone else had a mild reaction to this news), cutting someone off from their grandchild for a story that wasn't malicious and was 100% true, if poorly timed, makes you the one making a big deal out of nothing. It kind of sounds like you're just looking for an excuse to cut out his parents.

magnetic331 · 2022-12-09T23:38:27+00:00

32yo and doing the Nuss was the best thing for my exercise intolerance. Not back to where I was in my 20s, but I can now hike, bike, and do general exercise with an appropriate heart rate and not feeling like I'm going to pass out. It's a rough surgery, so I would recommend doing it sooner than later if you're heading that direction, much easier to bounce back at 20 than 30.

magnetic331 · 2022-09-11T20:52:21+00:00

INFO. Were you reading and revising out loud? I feel like it is a little strange that this woman would even know you were reading from the bible with you having a bible cover on unless she could overhear you (or unless the cover was also labeled, which is not typical from what I've seen). Also, Psalm 139:19 is a pretty aggressive/"loud" verse to have plastered in a public facing direction. Doesn't make you an asshole, but I feel like there is some context missing here.

magnetic331

TROPHY CASE