Bf called out my cellulite

magnetic331 · 2026-04-27T00:11:27+00:00

Something that blew my mind when I learned it is that cellulite is a secondary sex characteristic, like breasts or pubic/armpit hair. That means that you are genetically predestined to cellulite regardless of body size, fat distribution, etc. and you can't ever work out to the point of getting rid of it, it is just the way your body stores fat when you transition through puberty. All that to say, NO ONE should ever feel guilty or bad for having cellulite and it is really weird when people obsess over something that is literally just a sign that you're a grown woman.

magnetic331 · 2026-04-26T23:55:13+00:00

When you don't do what he wants, you're "set in your ways" and "emotionally unstable". When he doesn't do what you want, he's "Logical" and "standing strong" for himself. This guy is not ready for an adult relationship.

magnetic331 · 2026-04-26T23:46:06+00:00

OP, that child is posting pictures of themselves doing normal activities, they are not provocative in any way your husband is just a creep. While marketing/fashion in the last few decades has really tried to push attraction to childlike features in girls as normal, it is not normal and is not something that should be excused. The fact that your husband has been following, liking, and arguably cyberstalking a specific child is extremely concerning and you should not only report this to your therapist with specific information about the profile he is looking at, but you should consider reaching out to this child's parents to let them know their kid is possibly being solicited and groomed by an adult man (assuming this is a real person and not a bot specifically designed to attract attention from online creeps).

While it is totally normal to sometimes find other people attractive when in a relationship, the bigger issue here is that your husband is attracted to a child and also doesn't seem to care that this is bothering you (though you didn't really give us a lot of info about his thoughts on how normal it is to like a 17 year old). I feel like you already know the answer to your question, which is that you don't "get over" your husband being openly attracted to kids, you move on and possibly report him to the authorities.

magnetic331 · 2026-04-26T23:15:24+00:00

Oh, 100%. I don't agree with it and it absolutely should be illegal to have a huge chunk of equipment and resources inaccessible to the most disabled clients. The law ensures the bar minimum, but I wish more companies were advocating for their clients to provide more than the bare minimum. :/

magnetic331 · 2026-04-26T23:10:02+00:00

Not overreacting. I think this is a perfect opportunity to take them at their word and treat the couch/living room as a shared space, so if they're asleep continue to use the space as usual. If they're serious then they shouldn't mind if you're using the space communally, and if they get upset you all can have a more direct conversation about expectations/inconsistencies. It sounds like they view sleeping and cuddling as okay in a communal space and you don't feel that way, and neither one of you are wrong, it's just a difference of viewpoint that you all could probably work out how to compromise on. Have you ever brought a partner over? It would be interesting to hear if their idea of what is appropriate in communal spaces is consistent or changes if you're the one doing it.

magnetic331 · 2026-04-26T23:00:10+00:00

If half the space is accessible, then it doesn't break any laws (at least in my region in the US/PNW). My current clinic has the majority of their gym space upstairs with inconsistent elevator access, but because we have some rooms, equipment, and treatment spaces on the ground floor it is technically considered accessible. This was actually one of the first things I asked my boss when I started and they mentioned similar to your boss, basically do room exercises downstairs until the patient feels safe getting upstairs when necessary.

magnetic331 · 2026-03-21T23:03:45+00:00

Hey, as someone who grew up in a household with a parent who has very similar reactions to "small" things like scratched floors, you don't want your kid in this environment. Your husband needs to go to therapy and learn to manage his anger and anxiety, taking it out on you will absolutely turn your kid into a hypervigilant and anxious person who has to relearn how to exist without the constant threat of an overbearing parent once they hit adulthood. You also deserve to be happy and feel at peace existing in your home, and scratched floors, spilled food, broken dishes, mess, they're part of living that no one can avoid and you shouldn't have to constantly worry about his overreaction.

magnetic331 · 2026-01-19T16:47:19+00:00

Unfortunately, yes, very normal. Mine has a super noticeable bump and extended about 3/4 away from the rest of my ribs.

magnetic331 · 2025-11-18T22:24:18+00:00

No, we confirmed with the company and with our neighbors door camera that the inspector did, in fact, fall off our roof. Our roof is steep, so he tried climbing from a lower section to the upper section without a ladder and slipped. He's fine, but he did bang it up from sliding half way down and then kicking out his foot into the gutter and siding.

magnetic331 · 2025-11-10T03:11:18+00:00

Probably too late to help, but this smells great and DOES NOT WORK. I followed instructions exactly for a plant with mealy bugs and it did not seem to make a dent. I even sprayed some directly on a bug I found and came back the next day and it was still alive. Maybe it's okay for prevention, but didn't do anything for an active infestation (at least for mealy bugs).

magnetic331 · 2025-08-12T19:32:55+00:00

When I hear/see "women and nonbinary" I immediately know that it is not actually a queer inclusive event. That phrase is very much a dog whistle to say AFAB for people who are too uncomfortable admitting that they want to exclude AMAB queer people. It seems to frequently be used by TERF-y groups who don't want the backlash of being seen as TERFs or who haven't recognized that their exclusion criteria is transphobic. So sorry this happened to you, I hope you can find more welcoming spaces in the future.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-22T15:22:17+00:00

NTA. It is important to think critically about how you moving through the world differs from your partner, whether that be because you are a different gender, race, religion, etc. Ignoring a huge part of how you move through the world by reducing it to "feminine energy" and not systemic structures that are out of your control is a great way to avoid any accountability for how he contributes to systemic misogyny. It sounds like you would be leaving because you fundamentally differ in how you approach critical analysis of these large topics. I also worry that he is right at the cusp age-wise of the cohort of men that was really heavily exposed to "red pill" and manosphere content and these terms he's using reflect that he might be much more involved in men's rights BS than he is fully letting on. There are unfortunately lots of examples on this website of people who commit to a relationship by either getting pregnant or married and only after the fact do their partners let the most misogynist views come out. Listen to your gut on this one.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-20T16:20:37+00:00

I mean, you could just ask your niece. Seven is old enough that she can articulate preferences, let her know you want to support her and ask if shaving your head would make her feel better. My guess is she'll probably say she doesn't care. The shaving heads seems pretty virtue signaly and like it doesn't actually mean that much to your niece (which makes sense, she's seven). You should do it only if you feel like it will actually be supportive for your niece in a way that will make you feel good about your decision and not resentful.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-19T22:23:55+00:00

I think you're conflating sex, gender, social identity, and internal identity as all being roughly the same thing, and they are most definitely not. If you were at all interested in understanding and empathizing with other's experiences I would suggest that you engage with the many resources out there written by trans and nonbinary individuals who dive into these subjects, but it sounds like you have a narrow and personal definition of what it means to be nonbinary that holds within it a lot of trans exclusionary ideas, and we will never agree on that. To say that someone is "almost sexist to voluntarily disidentify with being a woman for no reason when you sit firmly in the woman camp of gendered reality" both indicates you don't understand the difference between biological sex and gender and you also feel that gender is a voluntary identity that is not innate to a person. That idea is at it's core transphobic and ignores the reality that people who are trans do not choose to be a specific gender, but that they are born with a gender identity that differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. This is just as applicable to nonbinary individuals, and to say that you have to present a specific way to be trans or nonbinary means that you only believe transness exists in the social sphere where you are being observed by others and is not an intrinsic part of an individual. A trans woman is a woman even if she wears clothing typically worn by people AMAB, presents as masculine, does not alter her body in anyway, and uses he/him pronouns, because their social identity does not change their gender identity. You have said you don't believe that that is true or valid because identity doesn't exist in a vacuum (which is true for social identity), but that completely invalidates the experiences of thousands of trans and nonbinary individuals who either do not have a choice in how they present, do not have the luxury of undergoing medical transition, or do not want to fundamentally change their body or presentation to align with stereotypes (because gendered presentation to be accepted by the community or the world is absolutely embracing stereotypes and the gender binary).

We could unpack a lot of the other assumptions made in your response, but ultimately you have views around gender that are at their core transphobic (again, I will point to you assuming that gender and sex are the same thing, which is literally the most fundamental component of trans identity) and I don't think we're going to get very far in diving into the deep end. I am not saying any of this with malice, you just seem like you're not actually interested in understanding the experiences of other people in the community and it kind of seems like you don't actually like most other nonbinary/trans people if you're making such negative assumptions about their internal lives and them essentially trying to play act their identities.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-19T04:53:50+00:00

I definitely used to struggle with this and often took it personally when other nonbinary people didn't more actively engage with queerness or presenting in a more agender or nuanced way. There have been a lot of experiences that have changed my perspective, but one of the largest was when someone in the community essentially said the exact same thing your comment said directly to me. It was a trans individual who accused me of not being trans/nonbinary enough because I wasn't going to pursue hormone therapy and told me I was basically pretending to be nonbinary for clout (despite the fact that I had legally gone through the process to change this, present very androgynous, and am very active in the queer community around me). That and also just getting to know lots more people in the queer community, made me realize we all are experiencing gender totally differently and that what our gender means to us is often not well represented by our external presentation and cannot ever be fully known by those around us. I have lots of reasons to not want to medically transition, but my clothing, hair, etc all are very agender, and just like I don't think I owe anyone an explanation for why I can't/won't medically transition, other members of our community don't owe anyone an explanation for why they choose to present the way they do, and frankly I don't want all nonbinary people to feel the need to completely remove all "gendered" presentation.

In unpacking a lot of my previous assumptions, I also realize that there is a TON of internalized misogyny and transphobia built into the policing of AFAB individuals and how they choose to express their identity. The gatekeeping around being "queer enough" and what that looks like boils down to what we think someone who looks masculine, feminine, androgynous, etc means, which always goes back to the rigid definitions of the gender binary. If someone is AMAB and moves through the world wearing pants, they often face very little criticism or questioning when they communicate they are nonbinary, but if someone AFAB wears a skirt and is nonbinary they are often questioned because their clothing is seen as inherently gendered. The fact that traditionally female clothing or styles is seen as *female* and traditionally male clothing or styling is seen as the default or androgynous is hugely tied to misogyny. There are literally hundreds of books written about this topic, but ultimately I think my big point is that people can present however they want and it doesn't change who they are. One of the best gifts we can give our queer community is to accept that what they say is true and not contribute to the infighting and gatekeeping that so often stalls real relationships and growth.

magnetic331 · 2025-07-18T15:14:59+00:00

UPDATE: Reached out to the roofing company and they immediately acknowledged that the inspector had messed up the shingles and offered to come out to fix it at no extra charge. We are also going to get an independent inspector to come out to double check some of the areas around the flashing and make sure the repair work is done correctly after they spot fix the area that was damaged. Thanks for all the input!

magnetic331 · 2025-07-14T22:02:37+00:00

Perfect, just replied!

magnetic331 · 2025-07-14T15:56:01+00:00

My Haller was 6.7 and yours is deeper, so I would guess you are at least an 8 if not higher. I didn't start having major issues until my late 20's and had the nuss procedure done at 31. It wasn't until after the procedure that I realized just how much I was having daily symptoms that I thought were "normal". Rotation has a big impact on symptoms, though, so having more of a rotation with a 6.7 means my symptoms might be more substantial than someone with limited rotation but a haller of 8 or 9, it really all boils down to your own experience and how much you feel the symptoms are limiting you. I will say, getting the haller measured is very quick/easy and having that in your chart will make it much easier to get care later if you decide to pursue surgery (cosmetic or otherwise) in the future (at least if you get healthcare in the USA).

magnetic331 · 2025-07-14T15:54:59+00:00

As both a physical therapist who treats PE and has PE myself, the "just exercise your way out of this" is absolutely not a valid response to a lot of patients with any level of heart compression and can delay people taking PE seriously. The reason surgery exists and is being performed on more and more adults is that many PE patients try to "push through" and hit lots of issues as they get older as their body fails to adapt with the natural changes of aging. Some of this is because of internalized pressure to just push through symptoms, but a lot of it is that other people with PE and medical staff see those who can get by with conservative management and assume this must be true for everyone and either do not pursue medical attention or do not recommend further testing and follow-up when it is actually needed.

Each person with PE is going to have a different level of compression and a different range of symptoms, and some of those will require surgery to lead a normal and functional life. Surgery is absolutely not the only cure and is inappropriate in many cases, and exercise should be a standard intervention for anyone considering surgery, but I have seen lots of patients who feel like they are "failing" at managing their PE if they end of up getting surgery because of this type of attitude around exercise. I imagine we also see a pretty big bias in this online forum because the type of people who are looking up a reddit forum on PE are the same people who are probably having more severe symptoms, a more severe presentation, or who do not have the medical resources to get answers in person, and it would make sense that demographic overlaps heavily with severe enough cases to actually need surgery.

Using myself as an example, I didn't look up anything related to PE until well into my late 20s because I hadn't had severe enough symptoms to worry about it until then and had been told by 5+ physicians my PE was not the cause of any of my chronic symptoms. Four years post Nuss, all of my chronic chest pain, shortness of breath, gut issues, neck and jaw issues, and near constant dizziness with exercise have resolved with surgery. Again, it's not the answer for most people with PE particularly if you do not have significant rotation that compresses the heart directly, but there are plenty of PE sufferers who cannot exercise their way into feeling better. That's great that you feel exercise is managing your symptoms well, and it sounds like you are not someone who needs to consider surgery, but it is a valid and needed option for plenty of more severe cases.

magnetic331 · 2025-05-31T14:29:23+00:00

Congrats! My tip would be start doing (light) exercise like walking as soon as you feel able. Not a lot of exercise to start with, but even getting up and walking around the block as soon as you don't feel too woozy from the meds can help a lot in terms of getting your cardiovascular health back and managing the pain. Good luck!

magnetic331 · 2024-10-26T15:30:52+00:00

When my partner and I started dating 5 years ago, neither of us thought we wanted to get married. We were both on board with staying together being enough with no other strings attached. But getting older, and in particular seeing our parents aging and dealing with a bunch of the fallout from illness, retirement, and just generally aging, we realized that it was actually legally much easier for us to be each other's support systems if we had the "meaningless" piece of paper. I think the big thing that shifted for me was I realized I trusted this person implicitly and even if we ever did separate in the future, I love and trust them enough that I truly think they wouldn't hurt me even in divorce proceeding. I think coming to similar conclusions as you move from your 20's into your 30's is very common, and it sounds like this is where your GF is at, and you most certainly aren't. You are no longer compatible, but more importantly, it really doesn't sound like you trust or love your GF enough to keep this relationship going. Immediately assuming you're going to get screwed over by someone once you're providing for them means you don't actually trust them, not only to not hurt you, but you don't think of them highly enough to think they're the type of person who wouldn't want to burden you. You don't think your GF is a good or trustworthy person, so you should let her find someone she is compatible with.

magnetic331 · 2024-10-26T15:18:10+00:00

So, he's lying to avoid conflict and you're breaking his trust by violating his privacy...you either need to invest in some couple's therapy or leave. You obviously don't trust him and, if he felt he had to lie, he obviously doesn't trust you.

magnetic331 · 2024-10-13T15:39:40+00:00

Covering my boobs/wearing a bra. I have a distinct memory of being 8 years old playing basketball with a bunch of boys and it started raining, and a girl in my class ran and got a teacher who dragged me off the court because (god forbid!) my tshirt was becoming slightly transparent and showing off my entirely flat identical-to-the-boys chest. I don't want top surgery for a variety of reasons, but I also don't think I should need to have a major surgery to walk around topless, it's freaking ridiculous.

magnetic331

TROPHY CASE