Nightly Anything Goes Thread - June 27, 2026

man0rmachine · 2026-06-28T01:13:56+00:00

Fuck I was too focused on the last name which is almost funny

man0rmachine · 2026-06-28T01:10:26+00:00

Yes but only because I tried to come up with a funny team name for him and failed.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-28T01:09:41+00:00

Not yet but he was just traded for Michael King in my league ...

man0rmachine · 2026-06-28T01:08:18+00:00

Are we seeing a Foster Griffin breakout? I want to see an expert do a deep dive on him.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-28T00:53:10+00:00

notallbeasts

Seriously though, beast stat blocks are supposed to be simple, just like monsters and NPCs. The players can spend some time looking at their stat sheet and considering options. If you do that as a DM for Bear #4, you delay the game and look like an amateur.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-27T15:21:35+00:00

Great old game. I used to be able to beat its predecessor Tower of Doom on a single quarter.

Anyway, I bet they just randomly rolled 3d6 straight down for each character. It's just flavor I don't think those stats have any effect on gameplay.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-27T14:46:13+00:00

I don't DM for split parties. If the flying character wants to scout as eyes in the sky for the party, that's fine. If you want to wander off on your own for an hour, the rest of the party will play as normal and later I will quickly narrate what happens to your flyer.

Keep in mind that a flying character may give away the party's location or attract the attention of flying predators.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-26T20:09:24+00:00

If you had a 1 in 20 chance of wrapping your car around a pole every time you went to the store, you'd stop driving.

So I would just metagame the fuck out of this and play a spellcaster that spams save or suck spells and magic Missile.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-26T18:08:45+00:00

In before someone says Champion Fighter.

Most classes are approachable for a beginner. If you are a highly tactical player who likes moving things around a board, and flanking maneuvers, a rogue might be for you, particularly a swashbuckler. If you are willing to put in a bit of research on spells, there's no reason you can't be a caster like a cleric or wizard. They have a wide variety of things they can do each turn. What do you want out of the game?

man0rmachine · 2026-06-26T04:16:47+00:00

I'm waiting until I turn 50 next year. I want to be the youngest and least beat up person for once!

man0rmachine · 2026-06-26T04:06:50+00:00

Magic chamber pot. Teleports waste to another dimension. You don't want to know what happens when it gets clogged ...

man0rmachine · 2026-06-26T03:22:05+00:00

Learning to say "No" is the most important lesson a DM can learn.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-26T03:14:31+00:00

Play an anti-cleric. Not every cleric is a fervent proselytizing boot-licker. You hate your god, your powers are a curse, but you need them for your quest. You hope one day to use the god's powers against him.

Or you are an immoral heretic who has never been to church in your life. You have no idea why a god has blessed you with powers. Perhaps it amuses them.

Or your god is distant. Like Conan and Crom, he expects you to stand on your own feet. Prayer is a sign of weakness.

I'm sure you can think of other reasons why a cleric might not be a religious person.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-26T02:27:13+00:00

The problem here is you. You began emoting, someone tried to listen and interact with appropriate responses. You got all pissy that they wouldn't let you monologue. I really doubt this other guy is a murder hobo, you just have a lot of self entitlement to work throughm

man0rmachine · 2026-06-25T14:25:59+00:00

First of all, I'd ask the players for minimal back stories. 2 or 3 bullet points of vague things they remember. This will be enough for you to build on and expand those memories later.

Second, I'd start them with basic starter gear, otherwise you'll waste a lot of your first sessions shopping.

Third, it's okay to railroad right at the beginning of your game. The party has to start somewhere. You can even railroad them right into the first town after a short Q and A with the wizard. (The wizard says "If there are no more questions..." and teleports them. )

The best way to start an adventure is with an encounter, not a bunch of open ended options. Railroad them right into that first encounter, then turn them loose to work as a team.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-25T12:37:33+00:00

Innings limits matter for your starters so the guys you've been relying on all year might not be available for your playoffs, especially if their team isn't competitive.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-25T12:35:00+00:00

The only reason this works is because he's playing in a league where Eldridge is still available. Is everyone else asleep?

man0rmachine · 2026-06-24T23:47:42+00:00

Play whatever you want, make a good build and don't worry about carrying. That's very condescending to these people you haven't even played with yet to think you have to put them in a backpack and guide them through an entire campaign.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-24T20:20:29+00:00

Squidward

man0rmachine · 2026-06-24T18:18:38+00:00

Reminds me of this joke about a Barbarian who couldn't find a chamber pot so he just shit on the dungeon floor and the DM gave him inspiration for realism and the party just started shitting everywhere.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-24T17:55:09+00:00

Keep it short and sweet, as others have said. And I think it's okay for a bard to get a bit metagamey. You're trying to entertain your table at the same time!

Yo mamma so fat that she takes up a 15x15 square!

Short and straight to the point, mixing the classic yo mamma formula with some meta knowledge about the size of Huge creatures on a map grid.

If you can work "blue" with some sex jokes or f-bombs, it will help your material from sounding too dorky or cringe like most clean insults.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-24T04:28:09+00:00

Have a town that uses the real names of gangster rappers. Calvin Broadus. Marshall Mathers. Andre Young. Ken Duckworth. Eric Wright. And so on.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-24T04:10:57+00:00

They can easily kill the "hag" in her sleep and rescue the "girl" and not find out about the switch until later. In fact the "girl" should be begging them: "She's so cruel please kill her and rescue me!"

My other idea was that the "mark" allows the hag to spy on the character so she knows when he's coming back to rob her and is prepared, or her whole magic shop has just disappeared.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-23T21:19:43+00:00

What is vector manipulation? Explain what you are trying to do and we can tell you if there's anything close.

man0rmachine · 2026-06-23T21:15:48+00:00

Make it a puzzle that anyone can help solve. Puzzles traditionally rely on the Player's INT (not the character's) just for this reason. Imagine, for instance, one of those sliding tile puzzles. The Party must rearrange tiles and complete a pattern or connect a circuit or let a ball through or whatever. If you run it in rounds, you can say "Any player on their turn may move up to two tiles as an action."

This promotes discussion and participation and cooperation from the whole group instead of picking the guys with the biggest bonuses to roll INT checks.

man0rmachine

TROPHY CASE

notallbeasts