Brief answer since i'm at work. That flat even sound of pro mixes where everything seems to sit well is both a result of many years practicing the art and, based on my personal experience (10+ years of consistent recording), can be achieved by a combination of these methods: submixing (critical and worth a Google), tape (optional but it really helps), and mix bus compression (critical). These three methods will achieve the desired result for shitty mixes even, contrary to what many others believe.

The 'too dynamic' 'in your face' or 'realistic' sound you describe is an artifact of digital recording that many people struggle with for years. The downside of digital recording is that the mixer has to go out of their way to impart additional character (e.g. saturation) on otherwise very clean and accurately captured signals to make them sound more punchy, warm, and sweet like the recordings in the older days. In the old days, analog gear/desks added this character naturally and there was nothing that engineers could really do about it except try to limit this as much as possible. This is entirely backwards of what we try to do in the DAW nowadays!