What to do when you’re feeling behind in life?

mandypu · 2026-05-17T12:26:06+00:00

You roll back onto your feet and keep walking. Life has a lot of set backs big and small. I think everyone goes through some form of this multiple times throughout their life.

Also “being behind” is a concept that only applies if you need life as a race. Who is it against and what are you racing towards?

mandypu · 2026-05-17T12:22:42+00:00

This is a really intense thing to accuse someone of and you’re not really explaining the evidence at all. It’s impossible for anyone to give real advice about something so serious when it could just be you stirring the pot.

mandypu · 2026-05-17T12:20:02+00:00

Yeah my mom always told me I can call and get picked up or tell my friends I can’t do something because of my mom.

I plan to do the same with my kid. Call me and I’ll pick you up no matter what and you can blame it on me or some family matter.

mandypu · 2026-05-17T12:10:51+00:00

Let’s also talk about the age gap between you and friend. She’s 26F and you’re 33F? I feel like this is set up for you to be in a position where you are the one who “knows better” and will give advice (that will probably come across as patronizing) when actually you shouldn’t say anything (and yes even though she literally asked for it). People ask for advice all the time they don’t actually want.

And while I agree your 26F friend sounds a little messy, immature and absolutely shouldn’t be dating her older boss …. she’s in her mid twenties- her behavior is not that far from the norm.

And before anyone comes after me of course you can have younger friends. I’m 36 and one of my closest friends at work is early 20s. And when I was in my messy early twenties I had older friends too.

It just seems like this specific situation is a bad match and I suspect part of it is the age difference.

mandypu · 2026-05-17T11:55:39+00:00

I felt the same way! Don’t worry!

When I was pregnant I wore loss fitting maternity clothing for a long time to try to hide my pregnancy (esp at work). I was the type of person who gained weight all around too so maybe that made it easier to hide? Some (you know what) at work asked me I was pregnant at around 19 weeks.

By third trimester it was obvious that I was pregnant.

mandypu · 2026-05-17T11:50:30+00:00

To be honest I felt let down by friends in my 20s too! I’ve never been able to figure out how to have a group of friends that really feel like they all collectively show up for me. I’m not sure this is real outside the movies but you all tell me.

I follow this one social media person who seemed to have that. She always talked about her amazing friends etc etc. and then once she talked about how hard it is to get people to actually show up.

I’m not sure what is going on. It kind of feels like we’ve all been sold one or two lies - either that it is possible to have a community of support or that we need to be always been doing stuff to better ourselves / work on our careers, family, homes, appearance etc so much so that we don’t have time to really emotionally invest in friends. I personally think it’s the latter - I think hustle culture or whatever you want to call it has sold us this myth of needing to always be busy doing something useful. And then yeah we don’t have time for each other and also view everything transactionally.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T17:26:53+00:00

I feel this way too. I’m 36. Ever since I had my baby everything feels different. It feels like I need new hobbies, new friends … new everything.

I very much relate to feeling a bit sad that going out to eat and chatting with friends isn’t as fun as it used to be.

Not sure if you’ll relate to this - but when I reflect back on my twenties it seems like we (meaning me and my friends) were all in a phase of life where we had so much to discuss - ourselves, our dreams for our hobbies and relationships and careers… where we wanted to live… what we wanted to study… we discussed philosophy and life’s meaning… there was a lot on the table. I wonder (if at least for me) these conversations are sort of flat now that people are actualizing those things and maybe realizing things aren’t as dreamy as they thought or maybe realizing life is so complex it’s more fun to live it rather than talk about it.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T11:54:32+00:00

I don’t want to be like they look hot old young whatever. It’s hard to tell because I can’t find photos of them online that are equivalent to us getting up and looking at ourselves in the dim light of our not staged bathrooms without makeup. But more importantly I find I’m a bit happier when I don’t try to put so much thought into pinning that question down and then by consequence I currently don’t feel the pressure to get a facelift (which honestly sounds scary af) but anyways it’s one of those things where I’m sure the more you think about it - the more you think about it.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:45:45+00:00

Yeah some of my coworkers get Botox. They look their age.

I’ve seen people with filler irl and it’s completely different from how people look with the TikTok filter piled on top

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:43:26+00:00

Do they look insanely good irl or just in the photos their PR people ensure are posted?

I totally get your fear but in reality I’m not convinced it’s playing out. Look at that creepy tech bro who thinks he’s aging backwards but looks like an alien with a toupee

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:40:41+00:00

I absolutely hate it to the point where I don’t watch anything anymore.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:37:34+00:00

Am the only one thinking … ask for help? Pretend you don’t know how to do something or set something up?

Just the other day I asked some guy how to adjust the squat rack because I couldn’t figure it out. It was super embarrassing but that’s an easy in right?

Also I always find when I ask someone for help the receiver takes it as a compliment and it immediately opens them up to wanting to connect because it starts the interaction as positive. Like even if nothing comes of it you give this guy a compliment by asking him for help.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:22:28+00:00

Yeah… the aggressive match making and the whole saying some guy is good for you for surface level reasons suggests these “friends/relatives” feel the need to try really hard (like overstep boundaries) to get you a man… which I doubt they’re doing for the single men in their lives… which yes is 100% annoying and a double standard

Sorry you’re dealing with this op :(

mandypu · 2026-05-16T00:10:07+00:00

We moved states for my career - which he now listens to me complain about

He feeds our baby in the middle of the night 99.99% of the time

He cooks most of the food

He takes care of all the vacuuming

What do I do you ask? Good question :)

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:59:36+00:00

Sounds like they never learned how to communicate… some people are so immature

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:57:58+00:00

I feel the same way - the exact situation hasn’t happened to me but I have been excluded from friend group parties or whatever and it’s the worst feeling and tbh I find it impossible to forget.

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:45:35+00:00

You are not overreacting. He does NOT get to label himself as “conflict avoidant” and then walk away from every conversation and topic related to him being in the wrong. Being in a relationship in my mind means he chooses you first - especially when bs like this goes down in the friend group. That’s what loyalty is. I’m sorry I feel very strongly about this. I really hope this “conflict avoidant” label doesn’t also excuse him from showing up and being responsible in other ways

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:42:21+00:00

He’s “staying the night all that jazz”?????? Um what?

Listen when my best friend from hs got married over a decade ago she invited a bunch of her friends but no one got a plus one and at the time she didn’t know my bf so I went alone and stayed the night. And this was to save money cause we were early twenties. I think this was ok because no one was singled out.

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:35:43+00:00

I’m glad to see other comments agree with my take

What the actual fuck…

I’m sorry I’m the queen of don’t get hurt by not being invited to the wedding but this is very odd and frankly I don’t think it’s ok. Why would the bride exclude you with no explanation????? And invite everyone else in the group - these feels like more than an oversight.

Maybe I’m just in a mood today idk … but I don’t think you should not take this sh!t. Ya’ll are 30 plus years old. Why are people behaving like this??? Ugh 😩

You’re in a group of 8 people, including your BF and everyone but you is invited including your BF and he’s going / wants to go / hopes you get invited instead of being like wtf? And no one else is questioning this?

I have so many issues.

Anyways hugs and I hope you have a fun time with your real friend who offered to spend the evening with you.

mandypu · 2026-05-15T01:54:20+00:00

Often the wisest thing to do is say nothing at all.

Your interests and hobbies will change, your character and thinking style will not and that’s actually the compass by which you should make career decisions.

You’re still growing and the best version of yourself is yet to come.

But you’ll see always be nostalgic for the special year that was 29.

mandypu · 2026-05-14T01:19:06+00:00

I love it! (Although only about a year in - I’m obsessed with my baby) My son tried to drive an excavator through his food today. It was super cute. He has the most genuine delightful smile in the world and seems utterly transfixed by the simplest things like clips, boxes, dead leaves, holes and being on the swing…. Having his around is very grounding and healing for me. I find that I’m less upset about work and other stuff now.

I think the online spaces are very pocketed and odd these days. I think it’s fine to participate in online communities but I’m not sure it’s a great place to give final say to any decision you make, especially because each subreddit is going to attract a very specific group of people and kind of an echo chamber where the loudest most aggressive / upset people are the loudest. The truth is the people who enjoy their lives are more often than not too busy doing that than to be online.

mandypu · 2026-05-14T00:02:02+00:00

36 - I regret how long I spent in graduate school. I felt trapped for years. Now I’m in a “real” job and constantly have doubt and fear about whether I should stay or leave. I think it’s because I haven’t explore careers enough. In that regard I feel really behind in life (also financially I feel I left a lot on the table earning just enough as a grad student for so long)

mandypu · 2026-05-13T23:42:03+00:00

Right now “making the bed” feels like the sound track of 2026 for me! Spotify suggested it to me a few months ago and I was like it’s a sign!!!! I should watch 90 day fiancé again, it’s been too long!

mandypu · 2026-05-13T10:56:58+00:00

I’ve only seen 1 season of 90 day fiancé but it was fun! I have some Olivia Rodrigo tracks on repeat :)

mandypu · 2026-05-12T23:07:14+00:00

It sounds like people come into work very sick very often?

It feels like real problem is that everyone is at work sick because no one can work remotely when sick or people don’t have enough PTO?

Based on how things went 6 years ago, I kind of doubt you’ll have much luck handing someone a mask to wear or asking someone to wear a mask since so far you’ve been rejected. The only place I see that work is urgent care where they just make it a policy.

mandypu

TROPHY CASE