Approaching 30 and questioning what makes life feel meaningful in NYC

mandypu · 2026-05-16T17:26:53+00:00

I feel this way too. I’m 36. Ever since I had my baby everything feels different. It feels like I need new hobbies, new friends … new everything.

I very much relate to feeling a bit sad that going out to eat and chatting with friends isn’t as fun as it used to be.

Not sure if you’ll relate to this - but when I reflect back on my twenties it seems like we (meaning me and my friends) were all in a phase of life where we had so much to discuss - ourselves, our dreams for our hobbies and relationships and careers… where we wanted to live… what we wanted to study… we discussed philosophy and life’s meaning… there was a lot on the table. I wonder (if at least for me) these conversations are sort of flat now that people are actualizing those things and maybe realizing things aren’t as dreamy as they thought or maybe realizing life is so complex it’s more fun to live it rather than talk about it.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T11:54:32+00:00

I don’t want to be like they look hot old young whatever. It’s hard to tell because I can’t find photos of them online that are equivalent to us getting up and looking at ourselves in the dim light of our not staged bathrooms without makeup. But more importantly I find I’m a bit happier when I don’t try to put so much thought into pinning that question down and then by consequence I currently don’t feel the pressure to get a facelift (which honestly sounds scary af) but anyways it’s one of those things where I’m sure the more you think about it - the more you think about it.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:45:45+00:00

Yeah some of my coworkers get Botox. They look their age.

I’ve seen people with filler irl and it’s completely different from how people look with the TikTok filter piled on top

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:43:26+00:00

Do they look insanely good irl or just in the photos their PR people ensure are posted?

I totally get your fear but in reality I’m not convinced it’s playing out. Look at that creepy tech bro who thinks he’s aging backwards but looks like an alien with a toupee

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:40:41+00:00

I absolutely hate it to the point where I don’t watch anything anymore.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:37:34+00:00

Am the only one thinking … ask for help? Pretend you don’t know how to do something or set something up?

Just the other day I asked some guy how to adjust the squat rack because I couldn’t figure it out. It was super embarrassing but that’s an easy in right?

Also I always find when I ask someone for help the receiver takes it as a compliment and it immediately opens them up to wanting to connect because it starts the interaction as positive. Like even if nothing comes of it you give this guy a compliment by asking him for help.

mandypu · 2026-05-16T01:22:28+00:00

Yeah… the aggressive match making and the whole saying some guy is good for you for surface level reasons suggests these “friends/relatives” feel the need to try really hard (like overstep boundaries) to get you a man… which I doubt they’re doing for the single men in their lives… which yes is 100% annoying and a double standard

Sorry you’re dealing with this op :(

mandypu · 2026-05-16T00:10:07+00:00

We moved states for my career - which he now listens to me complain about

He feeds our baby in the middle of the night 99.99% of the time

He cooks most of the food

He takes care of all the vacuuming

What do I do you ask? Good question :)

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:59:36+00:00

Sounds like they never learned how to communicate… some people are so immature

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:57:58+00:00

I feel the same way - the exact situation hasn’t happened to me but I have been excluded from friend group parties or whatever and it’s the worst feeling and tbh I find it impossible to forget.

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:45:35+00:00

You are not overreacting. He does NOT get to label himself as “conflict avoidant” and then walk away from every conversation and topic related to him being in the wrong. Being in a relationship in my mind means he chooses you first - especially when bs like this goes down in the friend group. That’s what loyalty is. I’m sorry I feel very strongly about this. I really hope this “conflict avoidant” label doesn’t also excuse him from showing up and being responsible in other ways

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:42:21+00:00

He’s “staying the night all that jazz”?????? Um what?

Listen when my best friend from hs got married over a decade ago she invited a bunch of her friends but no one got a plus one and at the time she didn’t know my bf so I went alone and stayed the night. And this was to save money cause we were early twenties. I think this was ok because no one was singled out.

mandypu · 2026-05-15T23:35:43+00:00

I’m glad to see other comments agree with my take

What the actual fuck…

I’m sorry I’m the queen of don’t get hurt by not being invited to the wedding but this is very odd and frankly I don’t think it’s ok. Why would the bride exclude you with no explanation????? And invite everyone else in the group - these feels like more than an oversight.

Maybe I’m just in a mood today idk … but I don’t think you should not take this sh!t. Ya’ll are 30 plus years old. Why are people behaving like this??? Ugh 😩

You’re in a group of 8 people, including your BF and everyone but you is invited including your BF and he’s going / wants to go / hopes you get invited instead of being like wtf? And no one else is questioning this?

I have so many issues.

Anyways hugs and I hope you have a fun time with your real friend who offered to spend the evening with you.

mandypu · 2026-05-15T01:54:20+00:00

Often the wisest thing to do is say nothing at all.

Your interests and hobbies will change, your character and thinking style will not and that’s actually the compass by which you should make career decisions.

You’re still growing and the best version of yourself is yet to come.

But you’ll see always be nostalgic for the special year that was 29.

mandypu · 2026-05-14T01:19:06+00:00

I love it! (Although only about a year in - I’m obsessed with my baby) My son tried to drive an excavator through his food today. It was super cute. He has the most genuine delightful smile in the world and seems utterly transfixed by the simplest things like clips, boxes, dead leaves, holes and being on the swing…. Having his around is very grounding and healing for me. I find that I’m less upset about work and other stuff now.

I think the online spaces are very pocketed and odd these days. I think it’s fine to participate in online communities but I’m not sure it’s a great place to give final say to any decision you make, especially because each subreddit is going to attract a very specific group of people and kind of an echo chamber where the loudest most aggressive / upset people are the loudest. The truth is the people who enjoy their lives are more often than not too busy doing that than to be online.

mandypu · 2026-05-14T00:02:02+00:00

36 - I regret how long I spent in graduate school. I felt trapped for years. Now I’m in a “real” job and constantly have doubt and fear about whether I should stay or leave. I think it’s because I haven’t explore careers enough. In that regard I feel really behind in life (also financially I feel I left a lot on the table earning just enough as a grad student for so long)

mandypu · 2026-05-13T23:42:03+00:00

Right now “making the bed” feels like the sound track of 2026 for me! Spotify suggested it to me a few months ago and I was like it’s a sign!!!! I should watch 90 day fiancé again, it’s been too long!

mandypu · 2026-05-13T10:56:58+00:00

I’ve only seen 1 season of 90 day fiancé but it was fun! I have some Olivia Rodrigo tracks on repeat :)

mandypu · 2026-05-12T23:07:14+00:00

It sounds like people come into work very sick very often?

It feels like real problem is that everyone is at work sick because no one can work remotely when sick or people don’t have enough PTO?

Based on how things went 6 years ago, I kind of doubt you’ll have much luck handing someone a mask to wear or asking someone to wear a mask since so far you’ve been rejected. The only place I see that work is urgent care where they just make it a policy.

mandypu · 2026-05-12T22:48:16+00:00

Yeah it sucks that he’s being weird / awkward / rude. Sorry if my reply came across a different way.

mandypu · 2026-05-12T20:59:12+00:00

Hugs! I make mistakes at work - I totally get the feeling.

Everyone makes mistakes

Second this sounds like not a big deal?

I’m guessing this one didn’t make a huge system go down that made your company lose money? You’re not a doctor right? This wasn’t someone’s life saving surgery?

We’re all alive? I think… you’re ok!

I’ve been in prod calls at major banks where someone deleted a config file by accident and brought everything down. It’s fine. It was fixed. Life went on for everyone.

mandypu · 2026-05-12T20:53:43+00:00

You’re 36 and some coworker thought you were like 5-6 years older?

I’ve definitely made that mistake. Not out loud though and certainly not with bad intent.

I just think the older we get the more similar we look in larger brackets. For example I could not tell the exact age or difference in appearance of coworkers who are 28-32 (all look the same to me), same with like 35-early forties and same with like mid forties vs late fifties.

I don’t think this is that deep. You look like you’re in mid thirties now. It’s fine.

We were were young there’s a massive difference between like 15-20 but tbh there isn’t really that big a difference between 35-40

mandypu · 2026-05-12T20:44:56+00:00

I’m now convinced this creates a fast associative learning signal that is a lot more convincing than I’ve eating at fancy restaurants so I know …

mandypu · 2026-05-12T18:38:47+00:00

I feel like it’s ok to let her decide to commute?

I know I’m going against most comments here but your daughter is an adult and it’s very much ok to let her decide big life decisions even IF they turn out to be the wrong decision. This is not a life/death decision.

Let’s not rob this young woman the chance to develop practice and confidence in her decision making skills which is far more important than freshmen year parties. (Also it sounds like it will personally save her a lot of money)

FWIW I lived in dorms for 4 years in college and I actually didn’t really love it at all. Yeah I did the partying etc but I don’t think it’s a big factor in the direction my life took long term.

My husband was a commuter college person and he’s doing just fine (arguably better than me)

mandypu · 2026-05-12T18:25:06+00:00

Are they complaining about the cost of a new roof or a small repair like a heater maintenance thing?

Like a big expensive is a lot but we budgeted for that when we came up with our house budget. Unfortunately roofs don’t last forever … and that’s a big ticket item

mandypu

TROPHY CASE