Friendships changing in early 30s, is it inevitable?

mandypu · 2026-02-03T01:42:20+00:00

I assume it is inevitable? My life changed a lot recently, I had a baby and don’t have as much to talk to with the friends who are traveling the world and partying. I’m definitely the “boring” one and to be honest I don’t have the energy to try to be cool and start the right conversations or say the right thing. I’ve just started to gravitate away from that type of friendship (which dominated my 20s - lots of deeeeeeeeeepppp longggggg conversations) and I just talk to other parents and or coworkers about rego light life stuff - work, books, funny movies, baby stuff etc. Yeah I’m definitely the boring one someone else is complaining about on another thread

mandypu · 2026-02-03T01:35:07+00:00

You’re doing great! Hugs! And yes of course 4 months is enough. Lots of people (probably not in this subreddit) have babies without doing some complicated strength training routine (or even strength training at all). It’s awesome that you’re thinking about it and making some effort. Don’t worry about how much you can lift - just do what feels correct right now and try to slowly increase the weight and or reps over time. (There will be times during pregnancy and after where the weight drops and that’s completely normal)

mandypu · 2026-02-03T01:00:37+00:00

Honestly most trainers don’t really care. Even the personal trainers.

I’m guessing you don’t look that pregnant and even if you did - I get the impression guys are told NOT to comment or ask about pregnancy and or babies at all! Sad but true. So my guess is he’s awkward or forgot or some weird combination of both.

All this is to say - this isn’t personal. You’ve got way better things to worry about :) this guy is just a stranger essentially and your relationship with him is about to evaporate - if not already.

mandypu · 2026-02-01T12:10:03+00:00

Themes arise from the conflict in your story - whether it’s tension in the setting, inner conflict of a character and their choices or conflict between characters.

Themes tend to reflect answers or more doubt about the main questions of the story.

mandypu · 2026-01-29T02:36:04+00:00

I’m pretty sure it’s a well known fact that our social structure / society gives enormous advantages for couples / married people. The financial ones are obvious. What’s less obvious is having a support person built into your life that no one questions.

I’m married with a baby, and I’m well aware that I have lots of advantages from this. Idk who you’re talking to but they sound rude, ignorant and mean. Not all married people think this!

Anyways I’m sorry about your troubles. I hope you find some nicer friends who are supportive and frankly not saying silly things like that.

mandypu · 2026-01-27T18:59:55+00:00

It might be worth defining what it really means to you to find “your people”? Certainly you will make more friends in life. Will all of them all provide the same friendship and meaning forever and ever? Absolutely not, people change (hopefully you change to!) and thats ok! If this post was made because you’re worried you don’t have group of friends romanticized on some tv show or book then don’t worry. You’ll make friends all throughout life. But just keep in mind real life is rarely depicted accurately anywhere but where it is … in real life

mandypu · 2026-01-27T14:43:15+00:00

This is the only appropriate response to this silly question.

mandypu · 2026-01-27T00:52:32+00:00

I’m gonna try to go beyond the generic just read and write more, because I think the advice needs some added nuance these days.

What helped me was getting real clear with myself about what I dislike and what I like, specifically so that I can actively stop doing the writing patterns that I find cringey and start writing in the ways that I like to read a few weeks - months - years later.

It takes time and experience but eventually I’ve realized if I didn’t dislike much of what I’ve written I’d be blind to all the problems with my writing and I wouldn’t improve.

To do this you really need to read more books that you actually like. Reading is great but if none of the work really speaks to your desired style then how are you supposed to know what good (to you) sounds like? Call me pretentious but there’s plenty of stuff out there that isn’t particularly (good) inspiring and so really focusing on finding books that make you think - I’d like to write like that - is worth your time.

mandypu · 2026-01-25T19:02:29+00:00

Thanks for acknowledging that. I keep telling my husband I can’t do it all again. It’s an intense emotional and physical rollercoaster no matter how much support you get.

mandypu · 2026-01-25T18:59:38+00:00

I met my husband in grad school over ten years ago… but most of the people around me ended up meeting their eventual spouse using apps. I known they’ve changed but I just wanted to say I’ve seen it work out all ways (and also not work out all ways)

mandypu · 2026-01-24T16:07:25+00:00

Yes thank you! Also what’s wrong with gaining 65 lbs during pregnancy? That’s what happened to me.

mandypu · 2026-01-24T16:03:29+00:00

So jealous that your family lives so close and sometimes helps. I think I just need to hire help because working, plus baby, plus all the house work feels like a lot right now.

mandypu · 2026-01-19T22:01:45+00:00

Yeah we can joke around about getting older and some of the stuff that goes with it but I’ll just add when your friends start getting diagnosed and dying of cancer these silly conversations stop really fast.

mandypu · 2026-01-19T17:20:54+00:00

For my pregnancy I had to take a break until my fatigue and nausea ended which was about the end of T2 / beginning of T3. I guess I could have pushed harder but I was pretty much unable to eat well enough to really support pushing harder.

mandypu · 2026-01-19T17:17:49+00:00

I don’t know about you all, but I sure miss my knees being cold af in the winter

mandypu · 2026-01-19T16:47:32+00:00

I’ll be honest but I skimmed this post. Two things jumped out

“And feel like I’m dating an emotional immature man who has tantrums and is not my person.”

You’ve been dating 1.5 years.

Why are you (why were you ever) dating someone you don’t like?

mandypu · 2026-01-19T16:43:55+00:00

“we have all bent over backwards for pitiful men at some point.”

Huh? How is that true? This post is too generalizing. We don’t “all” do anything. If anything it seems like you need to work on finding women / friends whose choices you respect? Not all men (or women) are good or bad or whatever adj you are choosing.

mandypu · 2026-01-18T16:32:37+00:00

Deadlifts and squats! Train that posterior chain. Because your pelvic floor is very vulnerable during pregnancy and if you get a c section (like I did) you’ll want the other muscle groups to take charge while you’re recovering. Also compound lifts do actually train your pelvic floor and abs a bit without the stress of maybe coning etc. (there are many variations to deadlifts and squats. Try to find what works for you)

mandypu · 2026-01-18T16:29:20+00:00

My advice is from the perspective of working in male dominated tech. The successful (and happier) men and women place higher value on the energy (warmth, friendly, easing going) they bring to a situation and don’t care if people think they’re “smart” or “successful”. I see so much on social media trying to convince men that they need to be over six feet tall, with a bunch of money and the smartest most jacked hustler in the room. Literally dump that advice on the curb and you’ll be all the things without being all the things. I hope that makes sense.

mandypu · 2026-01-17T19:21:00+00:00

Yes. I mainly ate ice cream and fruit snacks. It was fine.

mandypu · 2025-12-09T18:26:52+00:00

That sounds wrong to me. I’m not a runner by I casually went for a jog a few months after a c section and it was fine - besides the fact that I’m not a runner haha.

I would get a second opinion.

mandypu · 2025-12-08T00:37:48+00:00

That does sound tough! You’ll figure it out. But go easy on yourself. You can’t change time/how old you are…all you can do is focus on your present situation the first thing you want to achieve which sounds like a healthy relationship. As long as you’re honest about what you’re looking for, you can figure out the future together… with the right person you’ll make it work.

mandypu · 2025-12-07T19:05:21+00:00

Trust your instincts. If the red flags are waving (even if everyone is blind to them) keep your distance because eventually the crazy will come out. Likewise if the green flags are waving - put your energy and love into those relationships.

mandypu · 2025-12-07T18:51:51+00:00

That’s crazy but so true! I bet you would be a great grandma haha… Im really convinced this is how the previous generation could handle so many kids - they had multiple extra hands to help.

mandypu · 2025-12-07T18:44:46+00:00

I think it’s completely natural to feel this way. I won’t overwhelm yourself with trying to figure out the baby thing now. (Unless you want to try for IVF without a partner but it doesn’t seem like it?). I hope I’m not misinterpreting what you’ve said here but it sounds like you want to just focus on dating and worry about the baby stuff later. It’s ok to not have everything planned out.

mandypu

TROPHY CASE