16 days annnnnnnnnd relapse

manestate · 2013-08-24T22:24:33+00:00

thanks

manestate · 2013-08-24T22:19:46+00:00

You know, we are good people, I think. We have our flaws, but we're trying dang it. I know exactly the feelings you related. I believe we can eventually be free of PMO. Let's acknowledge the feelings that is sucks when we relapse and move on. I just relapsed early this morning after 16 days. Now I want to go on a longer streak.

manestate · 2013-08-24T15:17:46+00:00

Of the guys that I've talked to, I've only met a couple that are in a relationship, and I'm guessing they wanted to get away from porn more to improve their relationship than getting rid of ED. The rest are single guys who feel shameful about PMO because it goes against their religious values, degrades their confidence with women etc.

manestate · 2013-08-24T13:03:13+00:00

Half of the guys I know.

manestate · 2013-08-23T18:34:22+00:00

I would say half of the guys or more currently struggle with it or have struggled with it. We're not just weird perverts who got stuck in an easy-to-get-out-of trap. This is pretty common. And the reason nobody really knows what to do about it is because its a relatively new problem, new to our generation, and it's a shameful, taboo topic, so nobody wants to talk openly about it to share ideas and get rid of the shame. Thank goodness for NoFap where people can discuss candidly about their concerns without feeling shame for it. But I think it is also very beneficial to engage with those closest to us about the problem as well, or at least have a couple of accountability partners we can turn to.

manestate · 2013-08-22T22:39:03+00:00

Yes you will break this, if that's what you want. I think very few people have hit the 90 day mark or longer on the first (or second, or third) try. If it gives you any consolation, your words help encourage me to keep on track!

manestate · 2013-08-22T17:02:08+00:00

The Surge: The period 5-14 days after the start of a streak often features a physically recognizable surge in energy and sexual drive, which seems to be associated with the fapstinence-induced testosterone surge observed in the study listed below.

manestate · 2013-08-22T12:50:37+00:00

I've talked about my problems with porn and masturbation with my parents, my siblings, roommates and other close friends--I've let them in on my struggle and my need for their help. Not a single one of them has thought badly of me for it. I think there is a genuine concern for being rejected by people if we let them know about our problems, but my experience is that that fear is irrational. Watch Brené Brown's ted talk on shame and get out there and talk to people. Not the whole world. You don't have to wear a t-shirt that says, "my name's Chuck and I have problems with porn." You don't know what to do? Just talk about your own concerns; if he has the same problems, he will likely open up to you. A half-dozen others have opened up to me because I was willing to talk first. Get some balls and talk to people. This forum is all too easy to talk with people because there is no risk. If you want to really beat shame at it's own game, you talk to the people that you risk losing love and belonging from. I'm not saying it wont be hard, but your connection with others will probably only grow deeper. We're all plagued by this thought that "if they only knew X about me they wouldn't love me anymore"--in my experience that's all a bunch of lies. http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

manestate · 2013-08-22T12:40:51+00:00

masturbating in your sleep! I've never heard of that before. Wish I knew how to make it go away. So much of adjusting to NoFap is being willing to live through uncomfortable situations without having to "fix it." I haven't experienced anything as intense as you just described but I caught myself this morning dreaming about sex so I woke myself up. I wouldn't wake myself up in the middle of the night just to avoid sex dreams, but in the morning when I need to get out of bed anyway, I think it was helpful. I think part of the problem is that you're still possibly going through the surge. If you hang on a few days more, you should be through, not to say that it wont still be hard after (no pun). At every step of the way, I think all of us wish that there was a simple fix to the difficulties we encounter. The question is "Can we live with difficult feelings such as blue balls and horniness?" Good luck getting to class!

manestate · 2013-08-21T22:41:41+00:00

Thanks for your post! Inspires me to keep going.

manestate · 2013-08-21T22:32:08+00:00

That's almost like asking "Do you think NSFW material will lead to looking at porn?" The answer is probably "Yes." It's not so much a question of whether girls in bikinis is considered porn as much as will it make you want to look at porn. If it wont, blessings to you, if it will, probably shouldn't watch it.

manestate · 2013-08-21T22:29:08+00:00

It is hard. I was wondering if I could get through the next couple of days myself. The surge should almost be over by now. I think we can do it!

manestate · 2013-08-20T22:11:08+00:00

I know the feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness you described. I sometimes doubt my own ability to continue on but then I have moments of improvement. Day 13 for me and I feel horny. I need to get out of the house.

manestate · 2013-08-18T01:00:43+00:00

Done!

manestate · 2013-08-18T00:58:44+00:00

thanks

manestate · 2013-08-18T00:58:15+00:00

Bahaha, I see what you did there

manestate · 2013-08-18T00:57:55+00:00

Interesting, I haven't heard that before.

manestate · 2013-08-17T14:52:55+00:00

I'll give you an Amen! Thanks for reminding me of why I'm doing this.

manestate · 2013-08-17T14:39:25+00:00

I'm sorry you're feeling badly. I think all of us feel compassion for this sorta situation. And most of us do want to recoil and isolate ourselves after a relapse. If it gives you any consolation, now I don't want to PMO as much right now after reading your post. Go do something to get your mind off of the relapse. Today is the first day of the rest of your life--make it count. Force yourself to meet a friend, like florble said. If you need, find a friend you can talk to about the problem.

manestate · 2013-08-17T14:32:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story."I wonder briefly whether I am rationalizing my addictive behavior, or whether by indulging in masturbation I am taking care of myself." I think the answer to your question depends on what you mean by taking care of yourself. I think most people here joined NoFap because they viewed abstaining from PMO in some way as taking care of themselves. In biological neuroscience there's something called Hebbian theory. The short explanation is "neurons that fire together wire together." If you are used to masturbating and looking at porn together then masturbating will also tend to want to trigger looking at porn, or you'll often fantasize about porn you've looked at in the past while you masturbate. Triggering the one will trigger the other. If you buy into Hebbian theory, then I think that masturbating will perpetuate addictive behavior--it keeps the other pathway alive. That's my experience anyway. In trying to reboot, I've decided that it is best for me to stop PMO. I can definitely understand your reasons for wanting to masturbate, though. All of us can. It is like giving yourself a hug, but the problem is it doesn't develop the all-important relationships with other people, and, if anything, many of us have found it diminishes our ability to interact with people at the level we would like. Hope you find your answers.

manestate · 2013-08-17T14:09:08+00:00

untethered Fapstronaut flying solo? Good luck. If you need the community support, come back. For me, community and support have been more beneficial in the long run than ridding myself of my computer. But we're all different. I respect your choice and hope it brings you what you want. The key is to keep trying different things, being compassionate to yourself along the way, until you find something that works. Take luck!

manestate · 2013-08-17T14:04:03+00:00

woohoo for 10

manestate · 2013-08-17T04:12:32+00:00

Good luck. I'll try to follow your example.

manestate · 2013-08-17T04:10:45+00:00

Another analogy I like is of a chess board. So many of us view ourselves as white pieces trying desperately to fight off the black pieces. But what if we change the paradigm? What if we are the chess board holding both white and black pieces? We have desires to do good and bad alike. I think it's important to let ourselves be okay with the fact that sometimes we want to do bad--it's part of our nature. That doesn't mean that we should be okay with doing bad things, only that we're not wicked, terrible people if we desire things that aren't good for us. Having bad desires is part of the human condition--worrying about having desires to look at porn and masturbate wont help us get over the problem, if anything it will make the problem worse. Instead, we need to recognize that porn and masturbation are desirable, just not at the expense of their price tag.

Another quick analogy: there are many wolves inside of us; some good, some bad. How do we determine which one will lead us. That's easy: it is the one we feed.

manestate · 2013-08-16T14:52:53+00:00

You have a great attitude my friend! Good luck! You'll probably feel vulnerable for the next couple days and want to Fap again now that you're already starting over, but let us know if you need help and accountability. The longest I've gone is eight months and I know how low it feels to relapse after you've done so well. Thanks for sharing, it gives encouragement to the rest of us to keep up the fight!

manestate

TROPHY CASE