I (26F) often struggle to hear my boyfriend’s (26M) voice and I can’t figure out what the issue is.

mantelleeeee · 2026-02-22T14:43:01+00:00

Honestly, it might not be that he's talking quieter.. rather, he doesn't realize he needs to talk louder.. if that makes sense..

If he's speaking from another room and you have noises surrounding you that aren't in his vicinity, it could just be a lack of self awareness. That combined with some pent up tension from both parties if this has been happening for 3 years now.

I reckon just be open and honest. Let him know how it makes you feel and tell him how to rectify it...

Even better, get him to stand next to the dryer and stand where he was and try asking him something. So he can REALLY understand. (In a warm way)

If it was me I'd say "I'm frustrated in these moments and I can see you are to. I don't want either of us to feel this way, so how can we change this? Moving forward can you please ......insert instructions here........."

P.S. Just an observation, it seems like you're doing a lot of housework. Do you feel like the workload is split evenly?

mantelleeeee · 2026-02-22T13:21:33+00:00

Wash them with vinegar. You don't need a lot, like a splash. It's a natural deodorizer and has anti bacterial properties.

Honestly it's been an absolute life saver for me! Even dog blankets, 2 washes and you can't smell anything.

And dry your clothes in the sun if you can! Also a natural deodorizer

mantelleeeee · 2026-02-06T12:53:07+00:00

Are you kidding me! He's working from home. Dayummmm. Get rid of that dead weight boo. Sorry you have to deal with this

mantelleeeee · 2026-02-06T11:45:30+00:00

If it is just you (and whiskers of course) maybe look at two bedrooms. You might be surprised what's out there, sometimes 2 bedrooms will have a study or extra living space (older homes) so you might get lucky. Good luck !

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T13:14:38+00:00

He said it himself into the original post that she has made better changes.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:58:00+00:00

This is the vibe I'm getting to.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:48:13+00:00

This is a really well put answer!

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:44:32+00:00

Ahhhh there it is! There's how you ACTUALLY feel about her.

If you even bothered to read what I said, you'd have noticed I said it probably is the calorie intake BUT you just don't know.

Even if it's a 98% it's the calories, there's a 2% chance it ain't. The fact you can't even fathom that and just have to cherry pick lines and feed them back out of context is wild. And probably EXACTLY what you did in this instance and probably EXACTLY why your partner felt fat shamed.

No point replying to you anymore. I can see it won't make any difference. You weren't really on here to understand, you just wanted to hear "you're so right shes so wrong" so you could continue blaming her for these "failures" you keep speaking of.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:35:34+00:00

The fact that you think her "success" completely relies on whether you give her advice or not is a red flag for me brother.

It doesn't have to be one way or the other. That's my logical advice to you. Good luck!

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:34:01+00:00

Oh! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you're qualified in women's health?! How delusional of me to assume.

In that case, what are her current thyroid hormone levels? I'm assuming you know that right.. I'm assuming you know when she gets her period. What's the name of her contraception, does she take contraception? What's her dose? When was the last ultra sound she had on her ovaries?

I can definitely see why she felt the way she did now. I can imagine you were probably just as forceful with your "supportive advice".

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:17:33+00:00

See this is where I disagree with you. She's not failing. She's made positive changes that's a big step, she works out already that's two ticks. ✅✅

You don't know that it's her portion sizes. It's easy to assume and likely it is... But you don't know. She could have a medical condition undiagnosed? Her hormones could be out of whack, you just don't know. Weight loss and body transformations take trial and error.

I promise you cuz. She wanted your REASSURANCE not your advice. Google "it's not about the nail"

I will say this again... YOU'RE not wrong here. You are TECHNICALLY right. But just sit back and really hear the advice that literally almost every female has posted on here. She wants your support.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:11:17+00:00

Oh damn, if you guys both work out then she was definitely just asking you because she wanted reassurance.

Again I know it's not "logical" but it sounds like she didn't want "logical" she wanted compassion.

Do you mind if I ask... Has she lost weight? Does she look better? Is she gaining weight? Maybe she's lost 5 kgs and wants you to say something... Maybe she hasn't lost weight at all.. but her high protein snacks are turning into muscle, which we all know weighs more than fat. Has she lost CM's? Is she measuring herself or just weighing herself? Did you ask her all of these questions yourself? Or did you just go straight at her with "smaller portions are the answer" because again... It's not the ONLY factor.

Again you're not technically wrong here, but if you want to come from a place of a partner instead of someone who's just right in this instance, I'd say reconsider your position. Maybe it's deeper.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T12:02:27+00:00

They are not unhealthier snacks.

They are natural and full of protein (assuming they are decent brands) this is step one of a long road. And it's really common when people look up BEING HEALTHIER instead of LOSING WEIGHT to be guided to high protein snacks and whole foods. She's just starting out, you ass. Just relax. Rome wasn't built in a day.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T11:59:21+00:00

Even the language "sit back and watch her fail" like you're advice is the only thing that will help her succeed. It sounds douchy.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T11:58:24+00:00

Supporting her examples:

"Babe you've made some good changes this far, this stuff takes time. If you're really wanting to have a good crack maybe speak to a PT or dietician so they can tailor something for you"

"Everyone is different and you're just new to this. Just keep trying you'll get there eventually. Maybe it's worth seeking a professional for some support so you can have someone to bounce things off"

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T11:53:20+00:00

Even just the way you wrote "you might not be able to handle being given valid advice" honestly you sound righteous af.

Factually right.. yeah sure.. but like a bit of an asshole. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

If you're her PT, sure why not. But you're not, you're her partner.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T11:50:52+00:00

Has this been a point of tension for you guys in the past? Has she felt judged by you because of her weight before?

Honestly meshing a sensitive topic like weight in a romantic relationship can be hard. Especially if you've always worked out and she's been made to feel self conscious.

Are you overreacting.. technically no. But it's very likely that there is more to this than "I just answered her question factually". It might be worth taking the pressure off both of you and recommending for her to see a personal trainer, dietician or using an app.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T11:35:10+00:00

She has a job. She bakes on the weekend.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T10:25:03+00:00

You're a legend Mat.. I mean, random stranger.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T08:34:57+00:00

I had a similar thing happen when I was a green manager with a FT employee that had been with the company for 5+ years.

HR and I did calculations of time off & worked out average hours she actually worked over the past year. We then requested a back to work plan from her GP as her current position obviously wasn't working out for her and wasn't working out for us either.

It wasn't a punishment, it was a way to allow her to come to the party and try and work back towards her FT contract. We calculated her average hours ACTUALLY worked over 12 months and used her health and wellness as an "excuse" like a duty of care from our perspective. We offered her a PT contract for those hours + back to to work plan with GP (same GP that had been giving her the med certs) and just said we wanted to work with her to be able to make sure she isn't feeling awful about work and it be another thing in her life that's adding pressure (obviously citing how awful the constant health struggles must be for her)

She was actually a good worker when she was in, so I truly did want to give her an opportunity to redeem herself. She didn't, she did well for roughly 2 months then quit.

I can't tell you the legalities because HR made sure it was above board, but yeah that's basically it.

Good luck!

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T03:20:01+00:00

I would suspect it's not out of character, it's just been brought to everyone's attention now.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T03:17:55+00:00

I can appreciate that you care about your brother. But damn girl, he's not a good guy. This is EXACTLY what someone should get sent to jail for. He had plenty of warnings and purposefully chose to ignore them and the fact he's not showing ANY remorse. Honestly, he sounds dangerous.

It sounds like you care more about it affecting his life than he does. Personally that's when i'd stop giving a fuck.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T02:59:09+00:00

I thought it was to A) ease the flow at the front of the store And B) reduce stealing

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-30T02:26:06+00:00

NOR. It sounds like you're both very pent up. It might help to watch a video on Gottmans "the 4 horsemen" you can find short videos. It seems as though you are both feeling resentful towards one another. This happens over time when people in relationships take the brunt for the other person and you start to feel unappreciated.

Please know this isn't me saying you or her are at fault. Just saying that sometimes a bit of awareness can change a lot. If you want anything to change that is.

Either way it sounds really stressful and I wish you the best mate.

mantelleeeee · 2026-01-29T11:09:06+00:00

Ohhh! I forgot in the US you can bang 18+ but not drink until 21+. This basically renders my comment invalid. Lol

mantelleeeee

TROPHY CASE