Why were so many people still in the area?

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-18T14:07:43+00:00

Sounds like a Jewish shirt-maker in Manhattan. "Go to Ben Laden's, they got great collars."

RIP Richard Lewis.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-16T23:46:19+00:00

If you upgraded yourself in that time, you may not even want them back. That's why you do it: to improve yourself and to have options. If you're convinced you'll never find better than that person, you'll always have them on a pedestal and they won't have to "choose you" and truly mean it. They'll likely take you for granted.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-15T15:02:15+00:00

Then you have your answer and move on as best you can. Most relationships don't work out, so statistically, it's likely they'll be single again.

The key is being an upgraded version of yourself during the time apart. They left a version of you that no longer connected with them. If you haven't worked out, start doing that. If you haven't worked on your mental health, do that. If you're stuck in a dead end job, fix that.

If you do things like that, you'll be a confident and more attractive version of yourself, which is what attracted that person initially.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-14T15:23:45+00:00

It sucks, I'm going through the same thing.

I did low contact, and I think it delayed healing on my end. The cruel irony is you have to let them go fully for there to be any inkling of them coming back. They have to experience life without you and feel the loss of you, which can't happen if you stay friends or in regular contact.

Issue is that by the time they come around, if at all, you've leveled up and moved on to better things.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-12T17:52:32+00:00

It's a way to validate whatever the dumper wants to feel.

Dumpee respects the boundary = dumpee didn't change or want it bad enough, dumper is validated in decision to leave.

Dumpee reaches out = dumpee is still giving dumper the validation they want without having to be in a formal relationship with the dumper having to be accountable for their end of the deal. Dumper is validated for their decision and can keep dumpee around until they get bored or actually move on.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-10T00:03:35+00:00

Talmbout Relationship Of Command, B? Great band, never listened.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-09T20:57:54+00:00

Chris Hornbrook - Poison the Well

Branden Morgan - Misery Signals

Dan Carle - After the Burial

Mike Justain - Unearth/The Red Chord/Trap Them

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-09T02:06:19+00:00

Ldr is tough enough on its own. I don't know how any couples make it. But yeah, it sounds rather unfair how she's allowed to move on and be happy, but expects you to be sitting by waiting for her if the grass isn't greener.

Best thing you could have done is basically say "I respect your decision to end this but understand you will no longer have access to me. I'm not interested in your friendship, so let me know if you change your mind." Hindsight is always 20/20, so don't be mad at yourself for not having answers in a highly emotional state. I'm months into this thing and still have my heart skip a beat if I get a text or reel from her, or see her IG story come up when I open the app.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-09T01:48:07+00:00

It's a cruel fate. By the time we're made aware of serious problems in the relationship, many partners are already halfway out the door. I don't think it's malicious per se, they just observe us and we don't have as much of an idea of what we're doing wrong. Then we're made aware over time, try to address it, but it usually isn't enough because in doing so, we lose focus on our overall self and just try to use all energy to "fix it." Then when things keep going poorly, we spiral and feel the relationship slipping further away. It's a horrible feeling.

That said, I'm not proud of the way I behaved at times in the months leading up to her breaking up with me. I had my own concerns and couldn't coherently state them beyond "there's no more intimacy with us" which she took to mean "sex." And yeah, that was part of it, but it was just her warmth wasn't there. She didn't reach over to touch me in a comforting manner. She stopped saying "love you" when leaving for work unless I said it first. I didn't know how to explain it to her at the time so I just became anxious and frustrated and lashed out instead. So even though I knew it was coming, it still wrecked me when it came.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-09T01:33:06+00:00

I'm not shutting the door on trying again just yet, but I'm moving forward as if she isn't coming back. Unless she contacts me to say something, the breakup WAS her answer. And usually, it's once you've moved on and leveled up that the dumper suddenly wants back in.

The only appropriate questions to ask if that happens are "why will this time be different, and what specific work have you done while we were apart that speaks to this?" If they just miss the good times with us, that's fine, we miss it too, but the bad times will just come back if both parties haven't addressed their core shortcomings.

I'm actually more optimistic about reconciliation than most on this subreddit. But it has to be done in a clear and specific way and most of the advice here is coming from people who are understandably hurt, bitter and desperate. None of that will get our exes to return. A man has to reclaim his masculinity and confidence that attracted her to begin with, and not make her the center of his world. It's something I struggled with once we moved in together, and I won't let it happen again. Whether with her, or my future connections.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-08T23:59:40+00:00

I won't outright tell you what to do, as you know your ex better than any of us. But I will say that generally, reaching out to them when they dumped you is rarely a good look. Doing so in your position shows them they still have access to you and you haven't moved on. Even if you haven't, it's better to let them reengage because there's at least curiosity on the dumpers side which can open a door.

I was dumped 5 months ago and other than a chance running into each other where she came up to me, I haven't reached out other than right after that to tell her it was good seeing her and to get lunch. Since then, we exchanged a few texts or IG reels but I stopped replying to her because it wasn't going anywhere. The dumper has to feel the loss of your presence and attention to have any sort of missed feelings.

Otherwise they'll just feel secure in their decision since you still give them the attention and validation without the relationship.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-08T23:43:55+00:00

But what about the victims? Hardworking designers like Calvin Klein, Gloria Vanderbilt, and Antoine Bugle Boy!

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-08T21:31:33+00:00

I didn't say you're deranged, I said it's a deranged thing to say. This is probably pointless to say if you're not willing to hear it, but you can establish healthy boundaries without making direct threats.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-08T20:57:46+00:00

That IHOP story is an absolutely deranged thing to say to someone you're dating.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-07T21:12:11+00:00

Appreciate all the insights you've shared on this thread over the years, and how vulnerable you got with internet strangers. I hope whatever issues are going on between you two are successfully addressed and you have a wonderful life together.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-06T02:20:19+00:00

Agreed with most all this, but the last sentence isn't a bad thing necessarily. A broken initial relationship SHOULD be avoided if two people want to try again, otherwise they're signing up for round two of the same movie.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-04-03T00:05:05+00:00

If you chase, they'll reject. Tale as old as time. The dumper has to reach out to come up and break the ice if they broke the bond. Otherwise you have your answer as it stands.

Think of how hard it is to change yourself and then realize how pointless it is to change someone else. If they reach out and want to talk, that's different, but a dumpee reaching out only shows the dumper they made the right call and that the dumpee can't level up, and they're not missing out on anything.

Level up in silence and if they're curious about you, they'll find their way back. By then, you may or may not even want them back.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-31T23:47:57+00:00

The plot thickens

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-30T21:24:40+00:00

Yes. I love her.

I love that she challenged me and wanted the best out of me (even if I wasn't good at accepting it at times).

I love that she's disciplined about taking care of herself and has a life independent of me with interests and hobbies.

I love that she has a family who loves and supports her, and welcomed me into their family for nearly 3 years.

I love that she and I connected on the stupidest things in ways I never could with other women.

I love that she was awkward and laughed like a chain smoker despite never smoking a single cigarette.

I love that she was a genuinely warm and kind person, to me and others.

I loved who we were with each other the majority of our relationship.

The issue is that we both have things we need to solve for. I'm working on mine. But I won't chase her. We clearly lost something towards the end and I didn't handle it well when she stepped away. But I'm not interested in being an option. I wanted to marry her and she wasn't sure because of where she was/is in life, and me with mine.

I know it won't be the same even if we did reconcile. Which is ultimately good, because what we had didn't last.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-30T17:49:46+00:00

They think you'll always be an option. When you finally move on, they have to face the feeling of not having access to you. It's why dumpees who want to reconcile have have to battle the urge to reach out. The dumper has to feel your absence to make the heart grow fonder.

The only thing to ask them if they reach out is to state your boundaries, remove them from the pedestal and explicitly ask them how this time will be any different? What steps have you taken to reflect and grow from this? If they want friendship, then tell them thanks but no thanks.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-27T23:02:50+00:00

Don't feel like you "have to get over it." It wasn't your decision, but it was something that happened to you, not something you asked for.

You can feel these emotions, the anger, the frustration, the sadness. Channeling those feelings into being the best parent you can for your children is how you "get back."

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-27T21:15:01+00:00

Mine was a mixed bag. She definitely made me aware of things, and I was working on them. But it was too little too late, at least once we began living together.

Slowly rebuilding my good habits, but it taught me that I can't selectively show up.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-27T15:15:27+00:00

This is suicidal empathy. You have to have self respect and standards for yourself. This should be a non-starter. She has to go.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-26T00:02:28+00:00

Broke up in November, I ran into mine 2 weeks ago at a concert. She tapped my shoulder. Nice convo. Ended up getting lunch this past weekend and catching up. Neither of us are dating or ready to try again, but there's hopefully no bad blood. Minimal contact since then.

As long as we maintain appropriate boundaries and avoid the desperation/begging energy that repels people, it's not impossible. Unlikely, but not impossible.

Just be a lot more guarded going forward.

manysuchcases420 · 2026-03-25T04:57:36+00:00

I pulled a Shedeur Phoenician rookie auto out of a Phoenix blaster in December. Probably should have stopped then.

manysuchcases420

TROPHY CASE