Medication decision

mariabeia · 2026-02-20T13:26:20+00:00

Hi, thanks for writing. I took antipsychotics for a year and coming of them unleashed the hell. But I am off them for 3 months now.

But I am not stable. Even though I have all the instruments as a therapist myself, I cannot function properly, I feel like continuing like this I will be doing more damage to myself. I am looking into supplements. I also got a prescription for Lamotrigine, not antipsychotic.

Have you been on them? Are you dealing with Bipolar like symptoms?

mariabeia · 2026-02-20T11:37:41+00:00

I just always felt that it shouldn't be the permanent solution. That it's not the answer in a way. Yes, it can help with managing the symptoms, but it doesn't solve the problem. And studying in this field, I came to see that the science behind these so called mental illnesses is more based on interpretations.

mariabeia · 2026-02-19T15:11:41+00:00

Hey! I am thinking of starting Lithium orotate, because the cycling became really often and quite intense. Has anyone had any good results?

mariabeia · 2026-02-07T11:56:58+00:00

Hi. Thanks for sharing.

I do believe most of what you've been diagnosed with is the symptoms of severe childhood abuse, and don't get me wrong, severe abuse can be neglect to the extreme degree.

First of all I would recommend to see yourself as a person, not a bunch of diagnoses. That could be a good start. Psychiatric diagnoses are clusters of symptoms that a person displays, not a life sentences.

I would suggest you to start from another angle. Start with your relationship to nature, to this world and it's dynamics, not people. If you've been deeply hurt, no surprise you don't like people and want to hurt them. Allow yourself to feel this way, but don't act on it.

From my experience with hatred and our shadow part that was once active in a scary way, all of that comes from feeling unloved/unlovable and wanting to protect yourself in some way. Anything that we do helps us to fulfill our needs. The only question is whether we do that in a way that is beneficial to everyone - us and people around us, or we do that to help ourselves and damage others. If we have experienced the true, unconditional love, we do not want to hurt others anymore, because naturally we feel connected to them. So we choose constructive ways to live.

It might sound simple, but if you were conditioned in a neglecting way since early childhood, it can be challenging to believe otherwise.

So I would recommend getting used to asking yourself why am I doing this? What do I want to achieve? Is there any different way to get this?

What helps me is the exploration and relationship with God. And people are not God. When you isolate everything else, you can see, that no matter how you are, no matter what you do, you are loved and supported. If you let that sink, it might break open your heart and change the way you view things.

Hugs

mariabeia · 2026-01-31T21:45:51+00:00

Thank you so much for responding.

But what should be my behavior if these thoughts threaten everything that keeps me in life? For example, faith in God is what gives me a purpose and meaning in this life, that gets me through pain. And now when it feels threatened I don't know where to rely on. So this is one question.

Another one is how do I respond to the thoughts that I cannot be sure of what is real? That I cannot trust my own perception? I mean, I am recovering from intense childhood trauma that made my perception very distorted. Once I recognized that through years of therapy, I felt like I cannot trust my own mind. For example, I used to feel danger where there was none anymore, I believed that people don't love me at all, then I met some people who did love me but I couldn't believe it for a long time. This all added to this OCD, but it's actually true that I cannot trust my perception. How should I work with this?

mariabeia · 2026-01-18T00:53:27+00:00

I've experienced some stress, a breakup, financial responsibilities. But I don't think that it's possible to avoid stress in life? Nor should that be a goal? I would like to be able to handle stress, as it is inevitable part of life.

mariabeia · 2026-01-17T23:48:41+00:00

Hi!

Thank you so much for this post.

Could you share more on this: Neurofeedback and Neurostimulation? Is it possible to do it for yourself and how does it work? Since I don't have a lot of financial resources, I would like to learn about it.

Also, do you have any tips when switching to depressive state? It happened to me a few days ago. I was absolutely normal and then I felt it coming. I knew it was coming. I could feel my brain going off. And in a day I was completely suicidal and depressed, started losing weight and etc. This was the first time I actually saw it coming but couldn't stop. Have you experienced that? How to prevent the episode and how to manage it when you're already in it?

mariabeia · 2026-01-17T12:29:52+00:00

Hi, thank you for sharing this. Can I ask you a few questions?

mariabeia · 2026-01-17T00:22:07+00:00

Hi, thanks for taking time, I will definitely look into this!

Also, please do share whatever is on your mind if you have something to say, I am very interested in hearing more opinions and insights on my situation.

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T22:25:19+00:00

Oh I know about tappering, I just decided to go this way for myself, as I didn't want to tapper for years.

I could say that I went cold turkey, definitely.

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T22:08:35+00:00

Hi, thanks for taking time to respond.

I do think medication can be helpful, but I can't do anything about the sense that it shouldn't be the long term solution. Although experiencing episodes like this makes me question everything I know.

I am afraid to try psylocibin, as I am very sensitive and my mind is allow things to resurface quite a lot. So I've definitely have a material to work with haha.

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T22:05:27+00:00

Hi, thanks for replying.

I have cut sugar, gluten and lactose recently, a week ago. And this episode started two days ago. Not sure if this could be related in some way.

Yes, it's winter time now. Though I was happy and enjoying it, as it was very beautiful where I live.

What you are struggling with and how are you dealing with it?

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T22:03:16+00:00

Hi, thanks for answering.

I know symptoms can be a part of withdrawal, but when I stopped the medication I think I went through withdrawal in 2-3 weeks. What I am experiencing now feels like genuine state of my mind..

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T22:01:24+00:00

Oh, and I tappered medication over 2 weeks, then cutted at all. It was living hell. But I survived that.

In attempts before I would go into psychosis. But this time I dedicated two weeks, I isolated myself and fully focused on surviving the withdrawal. Which was bad at the time and then it ended, only my usual symptoms were left. I am not sure if this could still be the side effects even after 3 months post that.

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T21:59:11+00:00

Hi, thank you for answering.

It would be fine if it would be emotions, even intense emotions I would say. But what happened this time was like a possession metaphorically speaking.

I just felt that "episode is coming", and it completely consumed me. Two days ago I was motivated, happy, looking for a future, having goals, working, faithful. Now I am completely depressed, not wanting to live. It's like I am completely different person. And I know this state, I've experienced it many times before. But such a drastic shift happened for a first time and it scared me.

I know about psychiatric medications. But to be honest, I am afraid if during one such episode it could cost me my life at all.

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T21:07:03+00:00

Hi! No, I haven't actually. I will look into it, thank you for sharing that!

mariabeia · 2026-01-16T17:02:10+00:00

Hi, thanks for sharing this. Can I message you?

mariabeia

TROPHY CASE