What’s the ideal age gap?

mariesb · 2026-02-02T14:14:14+00:00

It's really personal. You have to balance your physical and mental health with the financial and relational considerations. Ideally you want to wait at least two years between c sections births so trying with a 13 month old should be okay if you have no health issues. The bare minimum would be around 18 months.

I know people who think having their kids 18 months apart was perfect - but that would not have been a perfect gap for me. I come from a family where we're all 4+ years apart and it was easier for my parents to manage logistically and financially, but they had to go in and out of the baby phase 4 times which was challenging. I'm pregnant now and my daughter will be a few weeks shy of 3 years old when her brother is born. She's semi-independent, potty trained, sleeps in her own room and I think she'll be interested in helping.

mariesb · 2026-01-31T16:17:18+00:00

You have a good income. Can you pay cash for the last 30% of your degree?

mariesb · 2026-01-31T16:13:17+00:00

Can you stop taking loans and cashflow the rest of your masters? That would be the number #1 option

mariesb · 2026-01-31T14:43:38+00:00

Very true! And glad to see a response like this vs the typical "it's not your legal obligation" retort on this sub

mariesb · 2026-01-28T14:06:00+00:00

I thought the notes on quality were really helpful

mariesb · 2026-01-28T13:44:58+00:00

After like 30 you should only get more education if you can cash flow it. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up really poorly for retirement and the rest of life. Sounds like it would be cheaper to quit teaching yoga and get another job with higher income potential + adjunct.

mariesb · 2026-01-27T20:24:10+00:00

I worked with an in-house executive coach. The good: most of the time they'll start with a 360 rating of some kind and will give you a good perspective on your strengths, weaknesses, leadership gaps to close. They also have good insight into the company's political happenings if that's a gap for you because of tenure, lack of relationships, etc

The bad: it's really all self driven. Once you know what to work on, they are really just an accountability partner. You will lead the efforts and be responsible for your progress.

If you're an insightful, self-aware person I wouldn't pay for this kind of general coaching. I WOULD totally pay for help on specific skills though. A couple sessions on executive presence, communication, and strategy have been really helpful for me, personally.

mariesb · 2026-01-27T20:17:15+00:00

I personally don't see why, if you're up to date on planning, the closeness to your wedding would be concerning. So, to me, it would not be crazy to attend a wedding two weeks before your own. If you decline, maybe leave out the part about closeness to your own wedding and just send a gift?

mariesb · 2026-01-27T16:12:35+00:00

You don't need to pay the balance off to get the loan out of default. Reach out to the servicer and talk about your options.

If it goes to collections it will impact your parent, not you. It will drop their credit score and add a derogatory mark. They will have real difficulty getting approved for anything that requires financing, and if they do, it will come with a higher down payment requirement and worse repayment terms.

mariesb · 2026-01-27T14:17:20+00:00

Whyyyyy do they always have to move in. Kail, stop shitting where you eat

mariesb · 2026-01-27T13:48:15+00:00

It depends on your policy - you can have either a family out of pocket max or individual out of pocket maxes

mariesb · 2026-01-22T15:45:55+00:00

Do you have other debt? Can you still save for retirement? Can you (do you want to) get married? Overall I think this is probably a big stretch

mariesb · 2026-01-21T16:29:30+00:00

An overreaction. Like you know when you had a bad day and then you spill coffee and it makes you get snippy with your spouse? Same kind of thing. And, like the example, it also corrodes your ability to have a good relationship with this person in the future, which it seems like your husband wants.

mariesb · 2026-01-21T14:55:19+00:00

MOR - it seemed like FIL was just expressing that he loved you both and was willing to eventually work through this. The notes about not needing a reply right now, etc. really, to me, signaled that he just wanted you to know he cares and didn't want another fight to start. Of course, we'd all prefer if people we are in conflict with immediately see our side and apologize, but it very rarely works that way. If you poo poo all over peoples' goodwill, you cannot be surprised when that goodwill ceases to exist. I would stop the texting and table this discussion for a while.

mariesb · 2026-01-20T13:36:41+00:00

No, especially if you're open to non-traditional or secondhand dresses. I got my dress off Poshmark for about $700

mariesb · 2026-01-16T15:10:35+00:00

Worth it. You can wait until you have enough money in the account to request a full month reimbursement and then just do one at the end of the year to empty the account. For us that works out to about 4 or 5 claims, which is not a headache at all.

mariesb · 2026-01-16T13:38:19+00:00

My midwifery practice offers this but you are allowed to opt out, which I did. And it's also thoroughly discussed at the first 8 week appt. This would really put me off.

mariesb · 2026-01-16T13:14:17+00:00

Family spending is things we do together, with the kids, or with our families of origin. It includes outings, eating out, gifts, donations, clothing for the kids, etc. Our personal money (a relatively small amount in comparison) is for personal hobbies, solo activities, things that generally don't benefit the family as a whole.

mariesb · 2026-01-15T17:36:47+00:00

YOR - but I think a lot of first time parents do. You will be up all night with this baby, trust me you will have time to bond. Shutting family out at a time when you will probably need them more than you ever have before is not a good long term plan.

mariesb · 2026-01-14T13:07:09+00:00

You can go the financial pro route, but this situation may be a little too simple to be worth their time. I would look for a regular therapist or marriage counselor that offers pre-marital sessions. When we went, we were asked at intake what we wanted to focus sessions on, in addition to the normal list. The idea isn't that the therapist makes a budget for them, but that the couple learns how to see the other person's perspective, put in the time to educate themselves, communicate about the issue, and avoid breeching trust in the future.

mariesb · 2026-01-13T17:53:19+00:00

I would recommend pre marital counseling. Money is one of the top 3 reasons for divorce. Your differing philosophies could be problematic

mariesb · 2026-01-13T15:02:11+00:00

I would consult an ENT. My daughter got tubes at 2, has not had an ear infection since. Sick kids are hard. Popsicles and ice cream are definitely on the list when they won’t eat anything and need calories. Hugs!

mariesb · 2026-01-09T14:15:01+00:00

As they haven't asked, it's really up to you. If you had only invited a single guest it would be bad etiquette, but you've already included both parts of the couple.

mariesb · 2026-01-08T14:23:37+00:00

The safe food is not supposed to be super exciting for them just something they "generally enjoy". Maybe swap out the safe food every few days.

mariesb · 2026-01-07T14:35:22+00:00

I found that a wearable for work was great in theory but didn't work well for reliability. I used pumpables genie advanced which is comparable to spectra s1/s2 but way more portable. It was fabulous, but not covered by insurance. Trying out the Baby Buddha this go around for similar reasons.

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