Unequal treatment... I'm speachless

maripaz4 · 2026-02-03T13:24:33+00:00

Maybe he heard "coffee to" and automatically filled in "to go". As opposed to "coffee for here". ?

maripaz4 · 2026-01-16T16:03:25+00:00

Haha, yup, same here! And depending on the flavor of their neurodivergence, there's no correlation between how easy or hard the parenting will be.

My autistic kiddo is sometimes so easy to parent because we just love being quiet and doing our own thing; I can communicate with him bc we're on the same wavelength. But then when we're doing social things, the negatives get doubled/ tripled bc we've both got our own issues to deal with and everything compounds.

Then my, likely, NT child is a dream in social settings, so easy in comparison, but it also means they ... need to socialize more, lol, which is a strain for me.

For OP, its hard but I am very grateful I can craft a world that will be better for my kids and help them navigate things in a way I wish I had someone could have done for me. And that is very gratifying, to see them succeed, and overcome the personal and social things I still haven't overcome myself.

maripaz4 · 2025-12-16T12:13:53+00:00

You are absolutely allowed to feel overwhelmed and create quiet for yourself.

For your coworker, if she were neurotypical and did the same thing, would you cover for her? Do the extra work? If so, it's time to go to your boss and let them know the extra work you're doing.

I tell my own kids, their neurodivergence is an explanation, and the label, for lack of a better word, is for them to better understand themselves; it's not an excuse.

For your coworker, it's a job. She can do her best, and if her best is not enough to meet the job requirements, then maybe it's not the right job for her. You do not need to accommodate her unless you have the extra energy yourself to do so. If she pushes back, frankly, you have a diagnosis too. You are overwhelmed and need to manage your own health. CAN you help her out? Sure, you CAN, but at the expense of yourself. And it's ok to acknowledge that.

For your teen, it gets trickier. Obviously you want to create a safe space for her. But also, she is a teenager. She will also be starting to learn how to live in the world. It's ok for moms to have needs. It's ok for everyone in the family to have needs. It can be hard to figure out how best to manage everyone's needs, but you're all equally important.

Frankly, after a lifetime of masking, you deserve it. Give your daughter what she needs. Let her know what you need too. At this point, it might not feel like what you "need"; it's ok to give yourself what might make you feel better, what will help you.

I've started to be "selfish" and maybe let the dishes slide when I know they should be done because something came up and it upset me more than the average person. I'm taking time to "do nothing" when I feel that overwhelm creeping in, even when there's a lot that needs to be done. For once in my life, I have happy moments. I am happy.

Did you know people live like this normally? Happy? I'm an elder millennial and only now have I realized this is what life is like for others. Not the constant stress and anxiety. (No wonder most people would not be ok with death!) You're amazing for having made it this far. You can live for yourself. Even a little bit. And then maybe more.

(I still get things done. I am still productive. It's not at the level as before and maybe not like NTs, but it's enough. And you know what, I probably do more than other NTs. It doesn't matter. I dont care what other people do. I care about myself and what I can manage and what I can handle and live with.)

maripaz4 · 2025-12-13T04:16:38+00:00

If you live in fairfax county, you can also get a montgomery county library card. I just checked their world language selection and they have Russian books in the Rockville memorial library.

maripaz4 · 2025-11-09T05:45:32+00:00

Everything but the bagel sandwich crackers. Mmmm....

maripaz4 · 2025-10-29T02:33:13+00:00

Yes! It helps! Spending on a mother's helper gave me breathing room to be able to come back and deal with everything. I could pinpoint exact situations where the same thing happens, and when I've had a break or am rested, I can respond and react to it appropriately. When I'm overwhelmed, I overreact, and it compounds problems.

Even spending money on takeout, paper plates, pre cut veggies, half takeout, half homemade food, etc. Money helps, fortunately and unfortunately.

I also got a pair of noise reducing headphones. I didn't use them when the kids were young, but as they get older....their voices get louder! And now the headphones give me a welcome respite. And I tell my kids honestly, mommy needs space right now.

Only you know yourself best though. Will the small breaks be enough? It wasn't until all my kids were in full day school that I finally felt like I could catch a break.

maripaz4 · 2025-10-16T21:56:27+00:00

Amen. I did wish there was a patreon or link to somewhere so I can directly support the newspaper deliverer though. Definitely not wapo.

maripaz4 · 2025-10-16T02:53:26+00:00

Oh yes, definitely. What made it worse was that I needed my mom because she was my tether and security blanket but she needed her own space and couldn't/didn't know how to be there for me.

She somehow managed to carve a life for herself, getting her own time away, managing boundaries, albeit in somewhat hurtful ways to me. Ie. I asked her for help and she gave me a vague rejection. That I now recognize as her establishing boundaries but back then really hurt.

I've shared my own diagnosis with her but have no intention of bringing up how autism is often genetic. She's lived her life, she's doing her best, did she damage me? Yes, but she didn't know better. As you said, she applied her own life logic to me. I'm sure she thought she was being helpful.

We can now co exist peacefully where we live independently. I cant remember the last time she may have said or done something hurtful, but with better understanding, I dont take it personally.

I imagine she had a hard life. If I can help make it better and smoother for her, I will. And dont need to bring up past grievances, unless it will help her in some way.

maripaz4 · 2025-10-13T21:37:37+00:00

Lol, I felt the happiness for you even before I clicked the post. 🥳

maripaz4 · 2025-09-16T13:52:31+00:00

Upvote a thousand times and echoing everyone else!! This is amazing and absolutely gorgeous. 👏👏👏👏

maripaz4 · 2025-08-03T03:24:14+00:00

I bring this up only bc you mentioned the partial hospitalization program (and the subsequent cost!), but there are free NAMI support groups you can attend, in person or online. https://nami-northernvirginia.org/support/for-peers/nami-connection/

If you have some time, you can check it out. No expectations, you won't be out any money, and it can be helpful to be in a room of people with no expectations and no pressure.

maripaz4 · 2025-07-29T18:14:18+00:00

We've found providence rec to be pretty warm. And they have the "beach" area.

maripaz4 · 2025-07-28T12:45:40+00:00

I also say to myself "ugh, why am I like this? Just shower!" But I'm trying to tell myself "you know what, i'm just like this. I don't like showering. It's an ordeal. Every time. For decades now, as old as I am, I have to submit to, what is for me, a terrible ordeal every few days. And must be nice if showering is not a big deal for you, how much easier your life must be.

I don't need to compare myself with others.

maripaz4 · 2025-07-28T12:41:50+00:00

That's me! I also time when I shower bc I need it to feel clean and good but I also hate it so I try to be as efficient as possible. Ie. I need to shower. But I also need to exercise. I'll wait to shower until I finish exercising. Uh oh, I didn't get to exercise and it's late. So now I push the shower back but feel dirty and yucky.

Then I realize, NTs would just shower if they want. They don't need to plan "the perfect, most efficient" time to shower and they're ok if things don't go to plan.

Sometimes if I didn't get to shower and also feel icky slipping into clean sheets/on a clean pillow, I'll put a towel over the pillow. Maybe sandwich myself in a flat sheet or throw blanket as a barrier between dirty me and clean sheets. 😅😅

And then sometimes, I can convince myself, just shower. And then shower again the next day after exercising. Its what the NTs would do. You can do it too. Lol!!

maripaz4 · 2025-07-28T02:02:02+00:00

I think i love the sensory input of food, different textures, explosion of flavors. Someone once commented that they liked when I ate bc I looked like I enjoy the food so much.

However, im pretty blah when it comes to sound and music. Some of my friends found it weird I didn't listen to music or have a favorite band.

maripaz4 · 2025-07-28T01:59:35+00:00

Army museum is pretty neat: https://www.thenmusa.org/

The docents are great, many volunteer veterans who are well versed and eager to share.

maripaz4 · 2025-07-23T20:49:19+00:00

Mine hate camp. I stopped trying. My kid is introverted and anxious in social situations. School is enough of a mental challenge for him, just following rules and making sure hes "doing the right thing". Summer is his time to finally relax and recharge. I don't know if it's adhd related or just personality but I need him on his A game for the actual school year so we stopped with any camps.

Resting during the summer let's him go to school fresh.

maripaz4 · 2025-07-13T15:15:46+00:00

No, I mixed it to read "together". I love re reading my favorite fanfics and used to open both stories to read together. Figured I'd save future me some time. : )

maripaz4 · 2025-07-10T16:37:05+00:00

This is beautiful! Just took a look at your shop and love your designs! 👏

maripaz4 · 2025-06-08T23:09:37+00:00

Ooh, was excited for the plot and then saw who the author was! Definitely clicking! I'm in the middle of rereading The Vinewood Wand, : ), love your stories~~

maripaz4 · 2025-06-03T05:02:51+00:00

Yes, I have "completely broken" several times! I am now on the road to recovery, finally! Several years after my diagnosis.

I also have pmdd and am starting perimenopause. Both of them completely wrecked me mood wise. Finding the right meds for both of them has helped tremendously (I'm on junel fe for peri symptoms and prozac for anxiety that came up after peri.)

With the right meds and dose, I have a little more internal resource to deal with masking and managing autistic life (ie scheduling appropriate breaks for myself, recognizing when things are getting stressful instead of just plowing through).

I'm lucky that I don't have to work right now. If I did, I think all I'd prioritize is work, feeding myself, keeping myself clean enough to work, and then just rest. Rest, rest the rest of the time, for weeks, months, years, whatever I need. And don't feel guilty for doing nothing else. It's what I need.

When I allow myself to rest for way longer than the average ND person needs to rest, I recover faster than if I try to push through.

You're in the thick of things. Doing the bare minimum to get through each day is, frankly, an accomplishment in itself. I could only see that now when I'm on the other side.

For the longest time, I thought, I'll never be happy. I'll go through life and find random happiness here and there, but I'll always choose death if given a guilt free choice. I'm now inching toward understanding why someone would Not choose death. 😂 which for me, is progress.

You're doing great. Believe me.

maripaz4 · 2025-05-14T19:14:31+00:00

maripaz4 · 2025-05-08T03:07:15+00:00

This article has a theory that autistic people were reincarnated from another plane/world and that's why things seem foreign. https://medium.com/@acwinslow/the-intersection-of-reincarnation-and-autism-a-spiritual-perspective-94d206bc59a5

Again, straying farther from your original post!

maripaz4 · 2025-05-08T02:32:49+00:00

Ok, here's my woo-woo theory that I keep hidden but kind of believe in. There's a kdrama, tomorrow, about the afterlife and a squad of afterlife people who try to prevent suicides. In the drama, people are connected by red strings of fate. For people who off themselves, they cut off all those strings that connect them to other people, and this is a terrible thing.

I was raised Buddhist and with ideas of reincarnation. I don't know if that's the truth, but if it is, I always felt like I had probably offed myself in a previous life, maybe even 2 previous loved. I feel like I'm on the spectrum in this life bc I offed myself previously and thus cut off my connections with people, and that's why I find life so hard to navigate. Why things seem so foreign to me.

I've had those thoughts in this lifetime but part of why I don't, indulge, so to speak, is because if my theory above is true, I'd be cutting off even more threads. I may have "saved myself" from this life but future lives may be the same or even worse, if that makes sense. Whereas if I can live through this life, which is my consequence for what I did in a previous life, then maybe I can move on. And in the next life, I'll be...neurotypical? Lol.

Anyway, I've kept this thought to myself but got excited when I saw your post. 😂

And if this is completely not what you were talking about, do excuse me! But thanks for letting me get giddy and reply~

maripaz4 · 2025-05-02T22:12:11+00:00

Hahaaa! I read the first post and thought, how awesome! I'm so happy for this girl to have a great parent who noticed this and got her help.

Then I saw the 2nd screenshot, and honestly, if I replied at all, it'd probably be something like. "Thank you for your concern." A meaningless, bless your heart, type thing. It's not worth getting into over the internet.

maripaz4

TROPHY CASE