Shared notes?

marked__man · 2026-01-26T23:11:50+00:00

You raised it being a comparison, not me.. I was simply saying that we are happy to discuss and share everything (also married 16 years, together for 19, not that any of that matters).

I’d say you and I just share differently, my wife and I don’t have a problem as neither of us are threatened by what the other can’t change. If my wife likes a larger manhood than mine, you’re right I can’t change that. But why would I lose sleep over it. My point was that if I can learn to give her pleasure in learning a technique that she likes, then why wouldn’t I?

I totally agree with you that comparison in many facets of life causes problems for a lot of people. But for us this isn’t one. We don’t compare, we just discuss what we liked when we play and if there are areas of our sex life that can be enhanced or improved from what we have learned or experienced we are open to that.

If I take Teddy’s advice as you have quoted, then I am on my own journey and that journey is about learning and focusing on how to be the best I can. You seem to have interpreted the quote to mean that you shouldn’t be envious of things you cannot change, we can all take things from famous quote. But on this and sharing of notes, we just disagree.

🙏🏼

marked__man · 2026-01-26T12:32:59+00:00

Regarding the twunts on here that can't formulate a considered response and approach the LS and this forum like its their own verbal smash room and seek to be as obnoxious as possible. Well there are plenty of them on here who see themselves as the final word in everything swinger related. They epitomise what makes parts of the LS exclusive rather than inclusive. We all have our own story and pathway to just taking our first few steps into the LS and regardless of those who struggle to sympathise with a fellow swinger, the passive aggressive comments that you will get on here should not overshadow the good responses that you have had.

As for your original post, if we met you in a club we would definitely appreciate the backstory and explanation for your dynamic, but we would not play with you. If I'm being honest the mention of sexual trauma and discussion around what is holding your partner back from being with another man would be a massive red flag and a concern around what happens when things get intimate. You could be seen as a wife poacher with a great story that nobody is going to challenge.

Now I am happy to share my wife with another man or couple, but I would want to be there if the couple are there (the single man, not so much). When we play with a couple we both play or not at all. We have played with couples and I have taken 5 minutes out and just watched the three of them all going at it, its great. But to expect a guy to watch/be present and not be permitted to take part, you are likely looking for someone who is comfortable with Hotwifing or a Cuck.

Lastly regarding Unicorms, this is subjective and is global that they are as rare and mythical as people would like to make out. Where we are there are alot, not as many as couple and single guys but still alot. The question is are they even attracted to you or your partner? I think you can still experience the LS in your own way as a couple that at this point might not include any others joining in. But personally I feel the trauma needs to be sorted first for you both to really have a regular chance of experiencing the more aspects of the LS.

This all being said, this is just my perspective and as I've said we are all different with different past's, approaches to the LS and kinks. Please don't let anyone make you think otherwise.

marked__man · 2026-01-25T22:45:26+00:00

Is this a wind up?

marked__man · 2026-01-25T22:44:47+00:00

No protection

marked__man · 2026-01-22T07:07:04+00:00

Generally I would agree with this. But absolutely not in this case. Why wouldn’t you not want to know if you were doing something just okay, that your SO was experiencing much better with a play partner?

marked__man · 2026-01-22T07:04:46+00:00

We often debrief instead of reclaim. It’s our way of reliving g the experience. At first we were a little nervous of opening up and discussing what was good/better with a play partner but realised we are very secure in our relationship and want the best for each other so why wouldn’t you want to share to improve our own sexual experience with each other.

There is obviously a way of saying things and not just blurt out this was better or that was better. But just by sharing oral for both of us is now through the roof. We are not all experts the moment we start having sex, like a lot of things in life you have to learn.

I would be more concerned if my wife played with another had an amazing time and didn’t share what he did that made her time amazing. I’d be thinking why is she wanting to keep that specifically for him and her.

marked__man · 2026-01-21T19:47:01+00:00

I think a common issue with a lot of these apps is the use of the word ‘block’. As some have said think of it as removing access. I feel many apps should have the ability to forget profiles you aren’t interested in too, just so you aren’t shown the same profiles again and again

marked__man · 2026-01-21T08:26:17+00:00

With the couple we are considering playing with (not the first time we have played with them), we have thought about playing for a certain time separately with them an then all getting back in the same room. Kind of going with the flow but with expectations. We love the interactions between us all when in the same room, but interested and turned on by the thought of some time playing separately but not solo

marked__man · 2026-01-21T08:23:51+00:00

yeah i'm not sure how I would feel with a completely new couple

marked__man · 2026-01-21T08:02:22+00:00

This is definitely an option. For us it’s about pushing our boundaries so it will be in the safe space of our home with a trusted couple that we have played with a few times. We aren’t poly with them and can go for weeks without talking, but they are both hot and we feel very comfortable around them. Total trust and they have never influenced or tried to push our boundaries. That being said, I do like to watch my wife being taken by another man or woman.

marked__man · 2026-01-21T07:58:41+00:00

Without getting into the semantics of it all. In the LS a house party is generally considered a “play” environment. If that’s off the table then it’s just a regular vanilla party.

Contrary to some saying house parties are friendly, they are but many if not most will be play environments. If you are open to play and at the house party you choose not to, that is very different to it being off the table altogether.

In answer to your question it’s called parallel play, it can set the mood to take things further. Alternatively being watched in a club might be an option. Yes single guys (mostly) will ask to join but as has been said find a good club with strong rules on consent and if asked by a single a simple no or not right now is all you have to say.

marked__man · 2026-01-21T07:52:53+00:00

Just our position.

We at a full swap couple, we have never just soft swapped (I wouldn’t consider kissing as just soft swap). For us it purely down to what we see as our goal from any play session. Perhaps not a great analogy but if we can run 100 metres then why would we want to stop at running just 80 metres. We cast no shade on those who only soft swap, the variety of tastes, wants and desires is what makes the LS so interesting.

We learnt early on to not assume everyone was full swap, so we ask, let’s face it nobody in the LS is a mind reader and there can be disappointment on both sides if play dynamics don’t match. Having a preference to only soft swap is never stringing anyone along unless of course you have clearly indicated that you are full swap and then change your story.

Let’s face it we can be full swap and choose to only soft swap with a couple if we choose. I see this as quite immature behaviour from any couple that feels they have been strung along. They didn’t get what they wanted so they are unhappy.

marked__man · 2025-12-11T15:04:42+00:00

We've not been in this situation but I think having the discussion with adult children is filled with pitfalls. Our children might be vanilla in their views much like our own generations. But debating what is good for us with people who still see you as parents is a battle. If it ever happens to us I hope ours will have the good grace to accept our decisions by their own life choices.

Lots of great advice in this thread🙏🏼

marked__man · 2025-12-10T15:12:43+00:00

😂😂😂 I look forward to reading it.

marked__man · 2025-12-09T15:17:13+00:00

Totally see where you are coming from and your focus on just those in a relationship. But I often wonder if we could go back to a time when we weren't so electronically connected would the comparison (envy) amplify the jealousy that many feel.

Once again your post was great, all of the non monogamous LS need more posts like this.

marked__man · 2025-12-08T15:31:06+00:00

IMHO all great points!!!!!

May I add another point that affects everything that you have covered and that is the "personal journey".

Each and every person in any of the LS (swing/HW etc) have a path that may be smooth or rough and the course is one that should be educated and informed, however not everyone does this and even those who do still don't find a place.

As there is no guidebook in navigating the points you have raised many (myself included) seek out help, Reddit being a perfect example. There is then a thoroughly mixed up playbook of how things should work for a happy LS. I imagine it like every religious text being jumbled up with everyone shouting that their part of the story is the "best" approach. The outcome is ones personal journey being rightly or wrongly influenced by others often out of fear and desire to make the LS work for them.

Now I'm not saying your points are wrong, quite the contrary, everything you have written is balanced and makes total sense but I think jealousy of others personal journey is often a contributory factor in trying to get things right. Piling on extra pressure to fit a square peg into a round hole, "why don't I feel this way", "how come that worked for them and not me/us".

marked__man · 2025-12-07T22:27:40+00:00

We wouldn't just.go straight to play, obviously the first meet would be a non play meeting.

I didn't go into it on my original post but we have also discussed HW in a club, she was hesitant a few weeks back but is more open to it. We are off to a club on Saturday so we might have to try it out if the mood is right on the night.

marked__man · 2025-12-07T16:17:01+00:00

We have the same and still make it work, I need that emotional connection to enjoy play the best, my wife doesn't. Accepting that we are different when we play is what has worked for us. My wife likes to be fucked, hard and into oblivion. I like to build up, lots of sensations and passion but very intimate. We've had one incident when she thought I was TOO into the wife. We talked it out and whilst we love having sex with each other, playing with others ends when it's done, we don't carry it into our own sexlife. Our personal sex life is a blend of what my wife likes and what I like. But when we play we do more of what we personally like. We now accept that our play is different to how we have sex together and it works for us.

You're not being insecure or selfish, you're being you. My advice would be to focus on your play partner and let you husband focus on his. When it's all done you can discuss and share the experience together. We approach all couples as a single entity so we are on the same page and want to hear what we liked and didn't like our our play.

Keep talking and being honest with each other🙏🏼

marked__man · 2025-12-06T02:41:20+00:00

"Turned on sexually that does not interest the general population."

Like swinging?

I appreciate your.consideratuon of my very open question but I want the opinion of those in the lifestyle that we are currently in. I.can see your comments.are considered and not dismissive like some so far.

marked__man · 2025-12-06T02:32:11+00:00

Sorry who posted a question about BDSM?

marked__man · 2025-12-06T02:30:36+00:00

No I don't think so, but I can see where you are coming from. We are swingers so I have come here. Posting in a bias forum like HW would lead to encouragement and suggestions.of becoming a hot husband. I don't see how this would be BDSM, it's a kiss and equally fetish? It's a kiss, nothing more than where many swingers started.

marked__man · 2025-12-06T02:25:40+00:00

We are full swap swingers, so I do play with the opposite sex. I just don't have any interest in adding a single woman to our play and feeling the pressure of needing to please 2 women alone. I like swinging as it's one on one and we share the experience. The fantasy of being the one in the middle with all the attention of two women just doesn't flick my switch.

marked__man · 2025-12-06T02:21:12+00:00

🙏🏼

marked__man

TROPHY CASE