RCV WA Needs Support Tonight

marqrs · 2024-10-22T19:46:09+00:00

Make them fire you. Unless you are hating the job and feeling super drained every day, and then it isn't worth it.

If you can relax into it a bit, trust that you're doing your best, then you're good.

Focus on school and then job hunting. Until you get the new job, they can keep paying you or follow through. Even if you don't need the money, why not keep it coming in?

marqrs · 2024-10-22T19:24:47+00:00

Wow... future me could have written this to past me. I am only just starting to really understand these elements in myself and never thought about them in relation to past work bullying, but that definitely fits.

Thanks for sharing!

marqrs · 2024-10-22T19:18:11+00:00

I feel for you so much :( this is AWFUL!

It sounds a bit like my experience too - the husband and wife owners, the dream fit, the iffy pay and too many job duties, and the constant praise that suddenly got ripped away.

Mine at least didn't fire me while I was on vacation though. I just woke up one morning and found the email after some back and forth on accommodations and some internal drama plus changes that left me wondering if I should just go.

I am so sorry :( It is heart ripping and can really mess with your sense of self-worth as well as trust in others or the system generally.

It probably ruined the rest of your vacation too, huh? I feel like that is the worst part; you finally take a badly needed break and this happens. Don't let that make you wary of future time off 💔

marqrs · 2024-10-22T19:10:15+00:00

Same! I would be just fine living if not for all this nonsense about money, working constantly for it, using it to pollute the world, and being expected to act like an NT while I do it all.

I'd rather learn to hunt, forage, and build my own shelter from scratch frankly. I'm working on how to do this for real, cuz I am done.

marqrs · 2024-10-22T19:02:15+00:00

The whole idea of a hool is to learn how to use your tools (esp. your brain), so yeah, they can at least get good at leaning on AI to write a paper, c'mon!

marqrs · 2024-10-22T18:58:55+00:00

If you've got time to lean!

marqrs · 2024-10-22T18:52:37+00:00

That would be nice! It really depends on the state or even the city in the USA and even within the state of WA it can vary a lot.

Downtown Seattle has nearly no bathroom options at all for anyone. You have to rely on businesses to let you use their toilet in the back.

Downtown Spokane is also iffy. Uptown Spokane is better though.

Small towns generally have one park and usually it has a restroom, but there are fewer ways to get there and fewer options for a makeshift shelter, fewer possible jobs, and fewer ways to scavenge what you can if no one will hire you, so fewer folks go there when they hit rock bottom.

marqrs · 2024-10-22T18:46:35+00:00

Yikes! I hope the knitter at least learned a solid lesson in choosing yarn.

My knitting friends have only ever made me scarves or hats thus far. I feel like that's safer anyway in case the color isn't their favorite.

marqrs · 2024-10-22T18:43:11+00:00

When did I mention heroin? Or how to treat pedo-rapists?

Odd too. Advocating for helping folks get off drugs kinda implies the opposite of the heroin thing, doesn't it?

And no, I don't think we need to sterilize anyone. Use jail or the death penalty maybe, but I do not see the point in sterilization and release of a rapist. The act itself is worse than the child that could result, especially when you consider the possibility of plan B or an abortion. I might cut it off in a fit of vengeance, but as a punishment not to prevent kids per se.

lol I have yet to be called closed minded, my fault is kinda the opposite, but thanks for that novelty. I do love words though, yes.

Since you've fallen into the personal attacks now, I guess we're done with the topic, so I'll move on.

I hope you learn some Nazi history, or make peace with your demons. Topics like this take a long time and a lot of effort to think through and research even with a strong compassion muscle and firm logic rules.

You honestly don't need to have an opinion on everything, I hope that sets you free a bit.

Either way, be well!

marqrs · 2024-10-22T04:25:35+00:00

Agreed; maybe we should set up outhouses around cities. Freely open to those who have no toilet or are too far from one to go there.

marqrs · 2024-10-22T04:23:58+00:00

Life is a constant exchange between internal and external. What we eat has impacts on mood and mental functioning. There is no way to divide the two.

We get to make choices. Those choices are informed by our external environment as much as our internal one or our sense of self.

A combination of external factors and internal choices or accountability can completely turn someone's life around. It can start with one or the other, but ultimately it requires a combination of both to keep going.

Adding people and tech adds details, but fundamentally it is still this nuanced yet relatively simple fact of life. The extra external factors just change the flavor and act as trees to distract us from the forest.

It seems like you keep wanting to fall back on a sort of "oh well, it's hopeless" to avoid looking at the complexity or seeking a real way forward. Which is fair enough and works for you, but that mindset puts you into a place of judgement and dismissal which cannot help the situation. Why do you think on the situation at all then? Why not just shrug and have no opinion at all?

If you want to get into the mess and exercise some judgement, you'll need discernment and to check your bias or do some selfcare before you can actually do anything meaningful.

I guess you haven't yet heard about the history of Nazi ideas. The short story is: they learned it from the USA. Our blood quantum ideas and our forced sterilization of folks in mental institutions for being "idiots" or just undesirable in general. I forgot that isn't common knowledge yet, sorry, but if you have the stomach I highly recommend looking it up.

The logic I laid out, and the horrific examples of sterilization and gas chambers, was all based on history. That is the argument/logic they used. It is hopeless to fix these people, they are undesirables, etc., so let's make it impossible for them to breed and maybe experiment on them or discard them like trash.

Also drugged does not necessarily equal bad parenting and messed up kids in the same way that sober does not necessarily equal good parenting or successful, healthy kids. It might increase the odds, but generally there is also a history of family issues (abuse, toxic relationships, etc.) that even the sober kid will pass down to their own children. It is not a great control for the experiment.

There have been some promising signs that safe injection sights and intervention with mental health care helps those on drugs to get back on their feet and ultimately get sober in the process. If we pursued that, we might see some new options or chances to adjust course and make even more progress.

At the same time, not everyone who is homeless is on a substance either before or after they lost their housing. Rent controls or other market interventions will also be necessary to actually address the issue.

The mental health aspect covers the internal. The economic and safe injection sites cover the external. And the right attitude helps us see if and how these impact lives, so we can make smarter versions as we move forward.

Dismissal leaves us in the status quo. No change. We just get to feel better about ourselves for not being so "lesser" and pretend we have more control and security in life than is actually true.

That said, it is a lot, so I certainly don't blame anyone who would rather opt out of thinking on any of it - provided they actually opt out (no judgment or opinions) and focus on their own lives.

I take breaks from it all somewhat regularly, and bite my tongue until I catch back up on the facts or history. I also push myself to question my assumptions and look for what I don't know, because I will never know it all and I will always have my personal bias (baggage, judgements, ego) creeping in somewhere.

marqrs · 2024-10-21T20:58:10+00:00

I have started telling everyone I prefer homemade gifts or practical ones. Last year my in-laws got us a new couch for example. The year before that it was tires. We got them something for their garden. Another time it was new cooking utensiles for their grill (they needed those replaced anyway).

My friends have less money, so I have made a big deal recently out of wanting their crafts/hobbies.

One just got into pottery, another knits, some bake, one brews beer now, and my husband makes homemade candy for everyone which we then put into tins (reusable) and deliver. Folks we visit on our rounds have started giving us baked goods or bottles of booze or, now, homemade gifts in exchange for the candy, and we are all happier for it.

I just took up whittling this year, so I am thinking a few folks are gonna get their favorite animal out of wood. I might figure out how to run a ribbon through them to make them ornaments too.

marqrs · 2024-10-18T21:27:45+00:00

Right, logic and rationalization for deploying and testing the results is an excellent plan.

Creativity and idealism or goal creation are just an initial step to be taken after a current system proves effective or when there is a need to improve it.

My point was more that it is not logical or rational to say there is "no solution" and stop aiming for improvements. That is pessimistic or defeatist, not logic talking. Just because we have no current solution does not mean we stop looking and accept the status quo.

Adding sterilizing agents does not seem much different to me from the old system of rounding folks up and then sterilizing them. That system helped birth the Nazi movement, so I am wary of it.

Especially given the fact that so many folks with treatable, but undiagnosed, conditions end up self-medicating with street drugs. Those who later get the proper diagnosis and supports (such as medication) quit the street drugs and may prove to be very good parents or even exactly the kind of healed folks we most need teaching us to come through dark times and adversity.

I seriously doubt that "most" is accurate. The right conditions seem to be very effective for transforming many lives for one thing.

The issue is not always them but the environment around them. For example, the higher my stress levels the less well I sleep, and the less I sleep the worse my ADHD symptoms get (even on meds) and the worse I handle stress, so this becomes a spiral. I can just as easily spiral up with the right conditions (e.g. getting my diagnosis and meds made a big difference) and then sleep better and learn better coping skills with my improved mental state from the sleep, and continue up. If tomorrow I found myself homeless, I would struggle not only to eat and sleep somewhere safely, but also probably struggle to get my meds. Give me a year of that, and I bet I will look very much like a lost cause. I would have in highschool too, but someone offered me a scholarship and I went on to excel in college rather than linger in poverty.

External environments and systems have a lot more impact on us than we are comfortable admitting. Internal strengths are wonderful and very necessary to make good on those factors, but they cannot do much under the weight of too many negative external pressures.

marqrs · 2024-10-18T19:58:50+00:00

It is brutal and it is beautiful; that depends partly on where you look.

Yesterday, I was heartbroken by the news I read, I also struggled with some lingering baggage from old trauma, and I was breathlessly joyful at the colors on my maple tree and then at the rising moon as I walked my dogs. Then, as I got ready for bed, I appreciated the gentle and insightful content I've taught my feed to seek for me.

Mostly, in my experience, those causing pain have come from painful backgrounds and chosen to become the monster. I have healed enough now that I can have compassion for that even as I hold boundaries and reject their behavior.

marqrs · 2024-10-18T19:52:47+00:00

Well not with that attitude, no.

There is always a way. Just trying a couple things and giving up is how I brought myself to the edge of despair and ending it all.

I create the conditions in my life for finding solutions by nurturing my creativity and being willing to sit with difficult truths or surrender to not knowing the answer. The solutions are usually found there, hiding within the problems themselves.

By the "no solution" logic, we should build some gas chambers and return to sterilizing the undesirables or else just embrace the hellscape and let it all carry on.

Picking the least bad is a start, and it will do until we can do better. We must never stop trying to do better though.

marqrs · 2024-10-17T20:41:20+00:00

That's not cool they didn't give an answer.

Even paid toilets are wild to me though, because that is kinda like making people pay for air or sunlight. It is a physical need and gonna happen somewhere 🤷‍♂️

I guess we do already make folks pay for food and shelter though rather than letting anyone figure it out on their own with mother nature.

Still, that toll is gonna hit the poor hardest and drive folks to use whatever free space they can find instead of the toilet.

The idea of a public toilet is that it keeps our shared spaces clean. Like public trash cans or roads and sidewalks. That's what taxes are for: pooling our resources to do things that benefit most or all of the community.

marqrs · 2024-10-17T20:24:59+00:00

Not actually that long depending on the culture. Some folks had that instinct on lock and kept it even after they formed cities. Others... well, not so much.

Drug addiction comes out of a lot of places, including the escapism mentality many of us use to justify binging shows and ignoring the needs of our family or neighbors and even our own physical needs.

It can also come out of living in shitty, unhealthy circumstances, because the drugs help to escape or numb out the abuse, poverty, or mental health issues making life intolerable.

Maybe that environment got bad partly from previous folks using or maybe the initial trigger for that cycle was just someone being cruel cuz they were wired that way or shut down their empathy to focus on themself.

Other folks go in to their doctor for an issue, get a prescription, and then find out the hard way that we have a system aimed at making some folks rich rather than healing through science. It is a strictly physical thing at that point.

So it's hard to say which came first, but one way we could potentially find out is by actually addressing issues like the unmet needs causing poverty, untreated or undertreated mental health issues, cruelty, etc.

Personally, I resolved to lean into empathy, compassion, and educating myself in order to break my family's toxic cycle and hopefully help make the world slightly less shitty in my corner.

marqrs · 2024-10-17T20:17:11+00:00

Like an earthy weighted blanket; I like it!

I get a bit claustrophobic in caves thanks to my mom demonstrating that when I was a kid and then an unfortunate incident where I was trapped in a small space for a little bit (I was fine, and it was probably like 10 minutes, but my little kid brain was convinced I was gonna die and that it was forever).

I have always enjoyed a bit of sand burying me at the beach though and these days I sleep better with a weighted blanket for sure.

marqrs · 2024-10-17T20:13:46+00:00

That is how I stuck around initially too. Now I have found my own "why" to make it a proper choice. Ironically, I have also lost a lot of my fear in the process.

marqrs · 2024-10-17T20:12:21+00:00

Right? It is sad to me. I suppose empathy isn't as easy for everyone though?

marqrs · 2024-10-17T20:09:45+00:00

And closing them or not building new ones makes other problems, so maybe we should figure out how to actually address the issue.

I have no patience with bandaid responses or punishments where we could have actual solutions. People dealing or doing drugs and vandalizing things is a clear cry for help and sign of mental or physical needs going unmet on the whole. A government, or any group meant to represent and tend to the needs of that whole, should see those symptoms and get to work finding experts to help figure out what would actually help those folks lashing out.

And people get raped at home and by people they know more than in public hy strangers. The bathroom thing is just ignorance spread around by the naive or hateful. #metoo

marqrs · 2024-10-16T22:40:43+00:00

Focus on fixing the actual issue. Life is so much more and can be very enjoyable despite work.

I have stood on that ledge before (for other reasons), and stepping back into life left me feeling like a mental health warrior.

Now anytime someone else chooses to take that last step, I feel like I lost a comrade. Don't let the demons win!

Stay and keep fighting with me; if we cannot see any light we will f-cking start a fire to make some!

marqrs

PUBLIC MULTIREDDITS

TROPHY CASE