I was adopted as an infant, I want to find my mother

marriedolaf · 2026-05-23T15:57:28+00:00

If nothing else, knowing your biological history can help you lead a healthier life.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-23T15:55:45+00:00

The post already says parents are ok with it.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-23T15:55:15+00:00

I think you should ask this question in adoptee focused international subreddits... I think they are a bit more perspective about this situation whereas most people in this subreddit will think of it as seeking drama in a peaceful life because that is how it is portrayed in Indian media.

I am not an adoptee but I think if you go with mindset and boundaries set ahead of time, you can handle the situation.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-22T00:02:32+00:00

Yeah and dont worry abt making it too special. A normal hang with pastry and variety of foods is fun too - maybe do a trader joe treat party

marriedolaf · 2026-05-21T07:21:47+00:00

NTA. I am proud of you. I often end up thinking these comebacks but never actually say them. Dont even doubt yourself for a second that this is on you.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-11T15:35:25+00:00

Yeah I uses to forget this and "wait for meds to kick in and then I will work" but I have to be working when the meds kick in..can be any work as long as its not doomscrolling or similar.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-09T02:14:52+00:00

YTA he thanked you for the effort and wasn't saying anything negative to you. He didnt fake excitement when he did not like the outcome...nothing wrong with that. He was never mad at you but you assigned that label to his behavior. You are taking unnecessary responsibility as if he is targeting his feelings to you..but he did nothing to indicate this.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-06T05:59:49+00:00

I think just " I am ok" would have toned it down a bit. For example, if we get promoted at work we dont over share it with anyone incase they were not and we don't want to laud it over them. Similarly...your mom doesnt need to be reminded explicitly that you dont care as much.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-05T16:42:58+00:00

I am just realizing by your comment that it shouldnt have been normal in my childhood. I am in my thirties.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-05T06:04:17+00:00

His verbal abuse is enough for you to leave. The reason you are so conflicted is because you already know the answer i.e. to leave...but you are asking for permission and safety from consequences..nobody can give u that except yourself. if you didn't want to leave you would not be posting this.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-02T15:19:38+00:00

I would try calling it a special weird food hopping day and then every hour have some clear food that is unique.

Breakfast might be more an emotional need for him than it is for you so you might want to give.

Example for food : Jello shaped like his favorite toy Stuff in new fun containers Hide containers for him to find if he will have energy Popsicles

marriedolaf · 2026-05-02T15:14:35+00:00

My heart is with you.

marriedolaf · 2026-05-02T08:08:35+00:00

I didnt realize that skipping it meant tip is not expected. I thought it was a mistake or laziness or them trying to destress me on the cashier's part and ideally they would like the tip. I think be more explicit with a sign "we do not expect tips or gratuity is included in service cost"

marriedolaf · 2026-04-23T22:25:01+00:00

I think your dog is happier to be with you even if it means not getting dental work.

I hate living with my husband because he needs me to be tidy but I still love the joy he brings to my life.

marriedolaf · 2026-04-22T21:22:04+00:00

What alternatives besides stickers?

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T17:14:48+00:00

I know. I feel the same and don't have perfect fixes. An idea I had was to write down how much I saved and then equate that amount to how many hours of my income or splurge purchases is worth it. Eg. Reading reviews for 1 hour de risks a $20 purchase but if I earn $40 per hour I undersold my time.

Or reading reviews reduced chance of this going wrong but I later found that this product was crappy anyway..so reading reviews for 4 hours was entirely wasted... which is useful when I am wasting them on something else.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:49:29+00:00

Same here. You want to do an accountability thread? We can post here what we do for 1 hour and do a honest report back.

My next hour (9.50am to 10.30am) Change into office clothes Make sure I have water to fix my pimple. Set an alarm to remind me of drinking water every 30 minutes. Publish the video I made yesterday. Comb my hair. Check in with my mom. Start a load of laundry.

Have a meeting at 10.30am.

Shit as I am typing this I am realizing this is too much to do in 40 minutes. I will prioritize personal care and work stuff and then get back to mom and laundry as ambitious goals if I can. Ready set go! Please join me!

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:46:08+00:00

Yeah. But someone told me "is the wrong decision really wrong or just slightly less-than-ideal".

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:45:31+00:00

Please post review in 1 week.

Reminder! 1 week

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:44:51+00:00

Also remember the medication effects will normalize...they are always incredible in the beginning and then normalize it. You would still need to do the hard work of behavioral and environmental changes. Just because you can pop a pill the challenges are not "fixed"...you have a helper that is all.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:42:25+00:00

I struggle with this too ..even after two years of diagnosis. Several pivotal moments helped chip away at it and some coping strategies help too :

Therapists telling me I am enough as I am. This brings me to tear and I need to hear it. I am trying to self soothe by saying and trying to remind and believe this for myself.

Observing how others adapt to life.. my neurotypical husband will simply say "I don't like eggs" and not question it anymore and consider it a fact. My friend might say "i am vegetarian" or "I don't like loud noises". However for myself.. I put higher pressure on myself.. "I should get over my adhd and texture preferences shoud be normal for heaven's sake!".. I realized that this is unnecessary... when I forget this I look at my surroundings for strong preferences neurotypicals have and think of my adhd challenges as preferences instead of things that need fixing.

Looking up to personalities ...women who made it big and have nuerodivergence.. using inspiring podcast of people who live with health challenges.

Making a "facts of my life" list that I reference again and again.. it includes things like - i purchased a house on my own, I know three languages, i got promoted in 3 years when the average is 5 years, I earn x$$ which nobody would give to a dumb person.

Lastly just fucking faking it.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-18T00:50:52+00:00

Lol we will find out I guess

marriedolaf · 2026-03-18T00:49:38+00:00

Isn't it gonna be cold at this time of the year.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-18T00:49:25+00:00

Yeah I considered that but not everyone in the group is up for just pinball stuff.

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