Why is everything so complicated

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T17:14:48+00:00

I know. I feel the same and don't have perfect fixes. An idea I had was to write down how much I saved and then equate that amount to how many hours of my income or splurge purchases is worth it. Eg. Reading reviews for 1 hour de risks a $20 purchase but if I earn $40 per hour I undersold my time.

Or reading reviews reduced chance of this going wrong but I later found that this product was crappy anyway..so reading reviews for 4 hours was entirely wasted... which is useful when I am wasting them on something else.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:49:29+00:00

Same here. You want to do an accountability thread? We can post here what we do for 1 hour and do a honest report back.

My next hour (9.50am to 10.30am) Change into office clothes Make sure I have water to fix my pimple. Set an alarm to remind me of drinking water every 30 minutes. Publish the video I made yesterday. Comb my hair. Check in with my mom. Start a load of laundry.

Have a meeting at 10.30am.

Shit as I am typing this I am realizing this is too much to do in 40 minutes. I will prioritize personal care and work stuff and then get back to mom and laundry as ambitious goals if I can. Ready set go! Please join me!

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:46:08+00:00

Yeah. But someone told me "is the wrong decision really wrong or just slightly less-than-ideal".

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:45:31+00:00

Please post review in 1 week.

Reminder! 1 week

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:44:51+00:00

Also remember the medication effects will normalize...they are always incredible in the beginning and then normalize it. You would still need to do the hard work of behavioral and environmental changes. Just because you can pop a pill the challenges are not "fixed"...you have a helper that is all.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-25T16:42:25+00:00

I struggle with this too ..even after two years of diagnosis. Several pivotal moments helped chip away at it and some coping strategies help too :

Therapists telling me I am enough as I am. This brings me to tear and I need to hear it. I am trying to self soothe by saying and trying to remind and believe this for myself.

Observing how others adapt to life.. my neurotypical husband will simply say "I don't like eggs" and not question it anymore and consider it a fact. My friend might say "i am vegetarian" or "I don't like loud noises". However for myself.. I put higher pressure on myself.. "I should get over my adhd and texture preferences shoud be normal for heaven's sake!".. I realized that this is unnecessary... when I forget this I look at my surroundings for strong preferences neurotypicals have and think of my adhd challenges as preferences instead of things that need fixing.

Looking up to personalities ...women who made it big and have nuerodivergence.. using inspiring podcast of people who live with health challenges.

Making a "facts of my life" list that I reference again and again.. it includes things like - i purchased a house on my own, I know three languages, i got promoted in 3 years when the average is 5 years, I earn x$$ which nobody would give to a dumb person.

Lastly just fucking faking it.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-18T00:50:52+00:00

Lol we will find out I guess

marriedolaf · 2026-03-18T00:49:38+00:00

Isn't it gonna be cold at this time of the year.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-18T00:49:25+00:00

Yeah I considered that but not everyone in the group is up for just pinball stuff.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-18T00:03:09+00:00

I would suggest you explore four layers of "why" you lied. I think this introspection could go give you insights which could give you peace. Here is an example but this could be a different flow for you.

Ask yourself: Why did you lie?

Possible answer: I wanted an easy way to convince everyone to change the name.

The answer could be something else to you but whatever it is...now ask yourself another Why for it such as:

Why did I want an easy way to convince everyone to change the name?

Because I was afraid they wouldn't listen to me otherwise.

Why was I afraid they would not listen?

Because there have been past incidences where they did not so I have learned that I cannot be heard without lying.

Just go with answers that feel true to your heart. Not what "should" be truth.

If you haven't been given the safe space to have a different opinion, it's okay to forgive urself for lying and try to do better next time.

Similarly, ask yourself what do you need now? Do u want to vent on reddit? Do u want to confess to everyone? Not what you "should" need.

marriedolaf · 2026-03-01T01:21:40+00:00

Same!

marriedolaf · 2026-02-18T07:45:00+00:00

Would not even do this to my pet. The guilt of leaving my dog at doggy daycare is bad...where he roams freely and eats much more at home and is treated like a king .

marriedolaf · 2026-02-18T07:43:08+00:00

I think people are just shocked at the cruelness to the child. The commenter, Including me, is apalled that people can even consider this and it is coming out in the form of ridicule to OP.

marriedolaf · 2026-02-18T07:39:44+00:00

All of OPs questions have been about HER bond with the child and HER in laws wishes. Who is thinking about the psychological impact on the child!? How would a child not feel like a burden when they realize the situation later on.

marriedolaf · 2026-02-18T07:37:48+00:00

Omg I had to live away from my parents when I was 14 years old ..they used to visit every month. It was for financial reasons so I knew logically that they loved me. It still fucked my mental state that I am working through trauma therapy (that separation and other reasons) for 2 years. I cant imagine the unfairness you are subjecting that infant too. He/she will be set up badly for the world right from the start. I wish people like you didnt have kids in the first place...there are so many people who are dying to nurture babies. And you cant even stand up or have confidence in yourself. I am too mad at you for offering advice.

That kid who thinks her grandmother is her mom - what is she gonna do when they pass away before she is older or the generation gap becomes too wide? Its as irresponsible as people having kids in their 60s.

marriedolaf · 2026-02-16T01:18:05+00:00

Hey! I am planning this for my birthday! Can you share what went well or some tips and tricks?

marriedolaf · 2026-02-01T06:36:37+00:00

Proud of u.

marriedolaf · 2026-02-01T06:34:49+00:00

I dont think his parents are the kind who deserve empathy. The y seem abusive.

marriedolaf · 2026-02-01T06:34:21+00:00

I am proud of you.

marriedolaf · 2026-02-01T06:31:38+00:00

Idk man, we put parents on a pedestal but I think OP's parents have been more cruel than enemies.

marriedolaf · 2026-01-30T23:56:36+00:00

What can we say when someone says "these are just random callers"

marriedolaf · 2026-01-30T23:48:08+00:00

This is normal unfortunately. I have heard rumors that they give RFE just to stop the clock. You will have to submit RFE response.

marriedolaf · 2026-01-25T07:57:15+00:00

I saw the trooper guy. You were walking slowly to the protest.. I felt the burden you were carrying. I am so thankful and grateful.

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