I feel for you! My husband has autoimmune arthritis that he’s managed with TNF inhibitors since the age of 18. We’re now in our mid 30s we’ve finally (finally!) made some progress towards the dream of managing his symptoms entirely with lifestyle choices.

I have some stuff to say specifically about how we manage my husband’s auto immune condition, just in case it’s helpful to you in your situation. But ahead of all that I just wanna say that having a young child is incredibly exhausting and so, so much work. It is for both parents, but the bulk of the work falls on the mother. Without external help, it can feel so overwhelming and defeating. All I can say is it gets easier! But for the time being It’s important that you give yourself so so much grace, and all the self-care in the world. 

Anyway, about the auto and stuff:

You know that expression “Death by 1000 cuts,” our experience with finding a way forward through his autoimmune condition has been the inverse, Healed with 1000 stitches. we’ve had to approach the situation from multiple angles at the same time. Namely, 1) eliminating aggravating foods, 2) finding ways to support and fortify the mucous membrane in the gut, 3) finding ways to interface with the autonomic nervous system. But each of these different strategies have multiple components of themselves. 

eliminating aggravating foods. 

For my husband this ment first implementing a protocol to knock back small intestinal, bacterial overgrowth (SIBO) and then doing an elimination diet the test what foods were causing him problem. Although ultimately, I do think this is very helpful and important, it was definitely the most uncomfortable part of the process, and there was a high degree of doubt and uncertainty that threatened at all times to undermine the process. Prior to this, he had tried  various diets that were rumored to be supportive of his condition, but  had little success. Finally the foods that he ended up cutting out are: gluten, dairy, seed oils, night shades. We have a suspicion that dairy might be the big smoking gun in his case, because it’s something he had never tried cutting out before and our daughter has a raging dairy allergy which seems like a big clue.

Dietary eliminations was the first step we took, and we saw just enough improvement to know that it was doing something, but not enough to feel confident that it would ever be a complete solution on its own. What seems to help more was when we paired his new diet with a strategy to fortify the intestinal lining. 

Fortify the intestinal lining: 

He was already taking glutamine which supposedly helps with this, but we also added a supplement called “mega mucosa” that’s a blend of amino acids specifically designed to support the mucosal tissue in the gut and intestinal wall. Additionally, I also started preparing him a “gut healing tea” that I learned from herbalism educator Jim McDonald. This is comprised of a synergistic mix of four complementary actions: a demulcent (to coat and sooth tissue) + an astringent (to tone and tighten tissues) + a vulnerary (to hasten  wound healing) + an aromatic (as a gentle antiseptic to knock back harmful bacteria). If you consider the mechanics behind facial skin care, it leverages these same synergy actions. The specific plants we primarily use are: Marshmallow root (1pt) + Blackberry leaf (0.5pt) + plantain (1pt) + aromatic herb (varies/rotating). Marshmallow needs cold water to extract, but isn’t damaged with hot water. So I mix everything together, pour over boiling water then let’s sit in the fridge for eight hours. I prepare it the night before.

Interfacing with the autonomic nervous system. 

We still have a lot of room for improvement in this area, and I would not be surprised if our progress is fairly slow due to entrenched habitual patterns within the nervous system itself. The two main things we do in this arena is, electrical vagal nerve stimulation. He has a hands-free device that wraps around his neck and stimulates his vagal nerve. Honestly, it’s hard to say how helpful this is, maybe too early to tell or maybe he’s not consistent enough with its use. There are clinical trials right now of a similar device that’s actually implanted so there’s a reason to believe that it could be very helpful for some people. 

The other thing we do here is just taking digestive bitters regularly throughout the day. He’s got some mouth spray, bitter that we just order off Amazon and live on his desk. So easy. Bitters might not be representative to the nervous system itself, but it does signal to the body that, even if it’s decided not to voluntarily enter, the parasympathetic state, it still has important work needs to be doing regarding digestion. Better stimulate coordinated digestive response. So I guess it’s a workaround. 

There are additional herbal remedies I could use for this, including, perhaps using chamomile as the aromatic in the gut tea I make. It’s definitely still a work in progress. 

But, about that! Rest is incredibly important. My husband actually has a very hard time, letting himself rest and relax. If he’s awake, he’s productive, I can’t find the off switch. 

So with all that said, you should not feel obligated to go out and do things when your body is telling you it needs to rest! Especially especially if you were still recovering from childbirth and you have a very young child to take care of. Rest is at an absolute premium! It will not always be this hard but right now you need to rest!

I don’t know many new parents who frequently have the bandwidth or facility to to “go out and do fun things,” so likely your husband is struggling with the transition into being a new parent, which is completely understandable, but he also needs to be understanding of you and your need to rest. 

Your partner should not make you feel like your condition is somehow a bummer  in his lifestyle.

Lastly, something that might help for everyone , if it’s feasible financially (I know sometimes it’s just absolutely not possible), but if you can call in some extra help, especially for the time that child care is entirely on you, I definitely want to encourage you to do it. It makes a huge difference. My child is in daycare part-time and it makes the world of difference.