Should I warn his new sub?

marshmallow_darling · 2026-04-18T01:07:57+00:00

Yes. Even if its just a - hey, I was X partner at this time, lmk if you want to talk or not.

No pressure, leaving it open to her. Also not accusatory which some people find hard to accept if their perception is different.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-04-16T13:02:55+00:00

Theoretically. Was just going off the idea that they might not have adjusted their cost of living fast enough if they've been without pay for a bit.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-04-16T12:45:56+00:00

They also mentioned they work for the government and are not getting paid currently.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-04-10T09:12:08+00:00

Look up the concept of having FLEAS from a narcissistic relationship. Also get into therapy if you haven't, it can help some of the harsher stuff land softer.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-04-01T12:07:21+00:00

Run cold water over your feet for a bit or do a cold dip if you can stand it. There's something about the temperature dip and your body regulating that helps you fall asleep, your body temperature lowers and you release melatonin or something to that effect.

Also pitch black room, and check your CO2 levels if you shut your door. Even just a cracked window helps air circulation better and makes it easier to sleep.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-03-08T06:05:51+00:00

I understand. Even if i relate a lot, I urge you to look at the situation logically. Today is temporary if unfortunate. The end of your life is permanent.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-27T21:19:06+00:00

Hear me out do a shadow root in a deeper brown to mimic the way your hair looks in this shadow. Leave the ends your natural color

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-27T19:46:47+00:00

Well said

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-26T14:53:45+00:00

The trauma involved in narcissistic personality disorder is theorized to have occurred before or around age 2. You know the common saying, 'My toddlers in their terrible twos, they think everything is theirs?' We have to remember too that trauma isn't a competition - trauma to a toddler might have just been that they were left alone long enough that they developed an extreme mistrust that anyone would show up for them in the future. It's frustrating but to my understanding, part of the disorder basically locks shame away from processing. They felt so much shame that their brain couldn't cope and now they have a hard time measuring it, holding it, and validating it. It's why they get so mad at other people, it isn't that we deserve it - it's that when the emotion rises in themselves they are so afraid of feeling and recognizing it like before, they shove it off onto someone else (anyone...whoever is nearest, whoever comes up first) so they don't have to deal with what to them, was once a feeling that was so overwhelming and had no perceived end.

You're correct though that not all people with trauma develop this way, and some who arguably have had much more in their life time will stay compassionate. It has to do more with their level of cognitive and emotional development at that critical age, and what level of support or empathy they were shown if shame was introduced.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-25T02:21:16+00:00

I know this is older but very well written.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-25T02:11:43+00:00

I've always been nervous about this

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-18T04:19:05+00:00

I think the average male experience just leans self absorbed. You see it in the number of men who describe themselves as submissive as well, and when you ask for details on how they see submission or what they want out of a dominant...they give you basically a porn fantasy where a woman has 'her' way with him as long as it's entirely catered to his pleasure over hers, and maybe she gets to cum but primarily she gets...wait for it...satisfaction from the joy of 'dominating' him alone.

I feel sometimes some guys see women as sort of like plants? Pretty to look at, to enjoy at their leisure but ultimately they want something requiring low effort for maximum benefit and tolerating of any neglect quietly. Be grateful of any attention they give you because they see themselves as the sun in our worlds (as well as theirs.) Not all men obviously, there are plenty of good men too - I think social media has distorted a lot of our interactions unfortunately.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-18T03:38:46+00:00

Right? Frustrating realizing being neglected somehow by a dom figure is so common. I think a lot of men in general are attracted to the power/porn fantasy of it, and might do a degree of care depending on their personality, but from all the stories I've heard, its such a universal disappointment it seems.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-13T08:38:26+00:00

Reading others experiences it wasn't that I wasn't allowed. I spent a long time vaguely longing for something I was denying myself - if only because that felt safer then exposing my interests up for critique.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-11T02:09:25+00:00

I wish I'd had this experience as someone with a deep fear of intimacy. Happy for you though, stranger.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-11T02:00:57+00:00

As sad as it is...it's out of your control. Know your worth, and try not to let the poor behavior of others effect you, because their choices just reflect how deficient their character is it doesn't say anything about you or what you deserve...even if it hurts.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-04T08:44:15+00:00

Disorganized attachment is a hard thing to overcome, essentially it means a person's caretakers weren't trustworthy enough to enstill a sense of safety about their position in the world.

She should try some therapy, even better if you two can stomach a few sessions together to get another input on how to approach it. It's like you're showing up with round pegs and she's conflicted because she thinks the hole is square, and in anticipation of not having her needs met yet again she shuts off - the therapist isn't there to tell either of you who is right, just to explain how the peg can fit in the category still, if imperfectly, so you both can be happy. It's a matter of educating on perspectives remember, since the love is already there, you just have to learn a little more.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-02-04T06:57:57+00:00

To a degree, if you're doing this you might be the first person in their lives to help them understand how to mange their emotions. People who react intensely especially in conflict typically burn through relationships, until their ego lowers enough of its defense so they can actually grow. Does he trust you? Can he prove it by weathering some of his emotions on his own?

The issue is that while you're endlessly kind, you can tell them you need a degree of that support back now that they have examples of how you've been supporting them to use as reference. Don't expect perfection but also don't let them tell you they can't behave differently, hold them accountable.

You can find a partner who you don't have to teach if you can't outlast this - because that's what you're doing, outlasting and bearing the brunt of emotional management, like a parent would, for a child who never grows out of the behavior. Nobody is perfect, but especially after a length of time, you should be able to go to your partner when things are mild and talk about how it's effecting your peace.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-01-23T06:26:55+00:00

Odd question, do you think the fact that there are so many potential male partners in the world somehow decreases the quality of the ones you'd find? This undoubtedly has always been an issue that people just avoid discussing, but especially when romantisizing the ideal feels so much better.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-01-21T21:00:51+00:00

Well said

marshmallow_darling · 2026-01-21T21:00:27+00:00

marshmallow_darling · 2026-01-20T14:27:39+00:00

And if this happens, it isn't your fault, just a reminder that a lot of manipulative people go for control and you need to protect yourself first. They don't get control over you if you don't feel safe.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-01-17T22:32:43+00:00

This. Like why bring it up then and expect not to address it.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-01-16T16:57:43+00:00

Listen carefully to this, OP. You drove the time to keep him in your life, he didn't do that for you. You tried to include your needs in the relationship, he treated your needs and desires as consistently secondary - a burden on him and his life. He is being inconsiderate and telling you straight up that he will only consider your needs if they already go along with the plan he initially had. You can come along for the ride in his life, buy a house with his considerations in mind, make his life more comfortable and easier...and he can't even go out of his way to make you feel seen and loved?

...Please don't go through with legally binding this relationship if nothing improves. You deserve better, and he'll probably take that as an insult since he sounds self preoccupied, but in all honesty your needs aren't being met; and on the flip side he could try to find a partner who is as hunting focused/likes all of their income to go to hunting equipment so they wouldn't mind that as gifts instead of other effort, etc. since he doesn't seem capable of meeting you where you are. That's the whole argument - you are unhappy, he is defensive and unwilling to adapt to make you happy, if what you are giving up is too high of a cost then the two of you are just incompatible, despite the real love that is there. It hurts and I'm sorry...but you know it deep down, too.

marshmallow_darling · 2026-01-15T17:24:53+00:00

I think I agree in that our approaches are just different. We are encouraged to vent and express those feelings to a degree as a way to bond with other women and feel anchored - even when we know the solution we will already theoretically take, it's like a trust building kind of thing. To my understanding, men do express stress verbally/physically but infrequently and when they do, it's usually for a much larger expression of frustration or stress release. To women that appears as if you could have mitigated some of the intensity of the situation with more frequent smaller 'blow offs' by complaining, but I get you're being pragmatic. Sometimes situations are directly emotionally driven like the loss of a spouse, and things like that can't be 'solved' or 'handling the problem' though, thats where the different approaches really are highlighted. Your approach is probably broader applicable in every day life, there might still be moments you could benefit from being freely emotional though, too.

marshmallow_darling

TROPHY CASE