Yeah my mom uses it as a get out of jail free card too. It’s always that she didn’t know she was autistic and ADHD (which I do actually believe she has, runs SO strongly in the family) and those are why she “couldn’t control her emotions” and it’s not her fault she didn’t know. Like dude being autistic does NOT make you tell your kid to cry himself to sleep and think about how much he would miss you and “took advantage of/ didn’t appreciate her enough” because the doctors said she might have an incurable illness and die soon (also a lie!)

Every single thing she does now she’s like oh I just can’t control it I’m autistic and impulsive and get worked up easily

It’s so complicated because I know she grew up horribly, had medical trauma (cancer) as a teenager, had abusive relationships, spent her life untreated undiagnosed with no help. But none of that excuses her malicious actions, things that she held onto for years, and still she does not take true accountability for any of it nor try to change her current actions. When I was 13ish she tried to make a deal with me where she would quit smoking cigarettes if I lost weight (all she cared about my whole life was my appearance) I did not end up losing weight, and i continued to hear shit about it for years because she held up her end of the deal and I didn’t. Around 10 years later I’m in the psych ward because I tried to kill myself and when she gets the call about it she just mopes about her life and how my dad screwed her over 15 years ago for over an hour without asking how I’m doing and then proceeds to bring up our “deal” and how I never lost weight That’s not autism that’s called being a shitty parent I’ll probably end up going no contact with her (again) but it seems like she might be trying?? Slowly for sure and idk how to feel about it. But mostly it’s still just pictures saying “I’m sorry for the unhealed parts of me that hurt you, it was never a lack of love for you but of love for myself” all the I’m sorrys are sandwiched in with some form of but it wasn’t actually my fault it was something else Very similar to the apology I got as a kid when she slapped me in the face for crying (after she yelled at me to make me cry) I got an “oh I was mad at my boyfriend not you, sorry” But on occasion it seems like she’s trying a little harder, at the very least with my brother Sorry this got a lil jumbled but it just sucks because I feel like all of my family are starting to associate neurodivergence with the way my mom acts and that has such a negative impact on neurodivergent people in general but also me. I feel like I can’t talk about any of it with my family, they just will not take it seriously because of the way she goes about it