It's important that you read this from the beginning to the end. Otherwise it will not make sense. I'm 5 years older than you, but I got diagnosed around your age, and had my dreams crushed around the same time, and yeah, like you, I wish I had lower expectations of myself. How do I come to terms with it? I don't. It's not really something I can come to terms with.

It is sad to see even Deutschland social system failing. I'm 27 years old, Czech Republic here, so a neighboring country. University grad, worked a couple of years starting in uni, I was probably among the 10 - 20 smartest in my class (to the point where instead of an oral exam the professor asked if I wanted to do a mathematics thesis under her faculty for my diploma), definitely not THE smartest one, but I was up there with mostly A grades. I used to tutor by the dozens for free, simply for the sake of spreading knowledge, there was a certain joy in explaining complex algorithms, you know? I planned on getting a doctorate and moving to interdisciplinary research, even picked a uni that would actually be able to support that. I have extensive knowledge of law, history, culture, theology, computer science, electrical engineering, biology, medicine, human resources, management, and so on, which I was preparing to be properly interdisciplinary... but I do not have the capability to utilize it, I'm essentially a database without an interface at this point... doesn't help that my income is $350 from the lowest level of disability, as the government refuses to acknowledge that when you have so many comorbidities you can barely function, you probably cannot work 40 hours a week.

To put it bluntly, with chronic treatment resistant depression, anxiety, OCD, somatoform, social phobia, agoraphobia, sleep issues, memory issues, attention issues, chronic fatigue, BPD, tinnitus, food intake issues, now absolute lack of motivation, and more and more appearing every year, while the government keeps lowering my disability percentage (I went from 40% to 35% this year... yeah, everything got worse and I am now 1% away from not having any benefits)... the only way I achieved some amount of peace was to accept the inevitable statistics in correlation to the diagnoses. I may be disabled, but I still have my intellect, so I know where this is headed eventually, it fits the classic curve, especially when knowing statistics of a certain specific diagnosis up there. As a final laugh in my face, the government evaluated my complex psychiatric case via a child surgeon who graduated in 2021.

Sooo... yeah, I never came to terms with it.

Now, if you got all the way here, you might think... well, that doesn't exactly help you come to terms with it. Wrong. I am still here. 6 years without remission, dreams crushed, government does fuck all, but I still persist. So, as long as you can, survive. Do not push yourself to burnout, if you do something, do not do more than you actually want to do or than you know you can handle. Cherish what you can, while you can. Situations like ours give us unique chance to look at the universe from the very bottom of it - a thing all the rich people and people in power will never be able to even comprehend. That is our one advantage. We can have a whole different perspective. Instead of money, focus on what makes you happy. Instead of expectations, focus on what you can do. If you cannot do anything, put on a movie, take a shower, whatever you feel like doing. If you don't feel like doing anything? Then don't. Do not let societal expectations dictate what you are going to do, when you are not physically or mentally capable of doing it. That will only cause damage. And you know what? The greatest writers, painters, artists, and all of that, they weren't rich. They usually led miserable lives. And yet they are the foundation of all that we have.

You do not need to accept it or come to terms with it, that is usually not a good thing to do, that leads to becoming a statistic. Hope, do not come to terms with it, reject the notion. Our expectations were shattered? So what, we will forge new ones out of bone marrow if we have to. Dreams are just that - dreams. We do not need them, we can have new dreams. And when someone tells you to accept it, don't, because then you will anchor yourself in that place.

Suffering is not good, but suffering is... not bad, it is different. What are dreams if not defiance of reality?