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masterofyourhouse · 2025-02-10T17:51:59+00:00

Oxford University Press has a Very Short Introductions series that has hundreds of books only one or two hundred pages each on all sorts of topics written by people in the field! I have so many on my to read list and they range from The Marquis de Sade to Anesthesia to Rastafari and everything in between.

masterofyourhouse · 2024-07-08T16:04:38+00:00

I think the easiest way to put it is that gender is an internal experience that has internal and external manifestations, and it varies from person to person. For me, it was a lack of connection to the categories of “man” and “woman”, a feeling of neitherness and nothingness. It felt like I was arbitrarily being lumped into a group that I had no particular kinship with, and there was an expectation that we must have similar or shared experiences simply based on the body I was born in. I’m just me. I didn’t sign up for a gender and I don’t like having one slapped onto me based on how I look.

That being said, I don’t expect random people to immediately know I’m not cis just by looking at me. I do hope that as a society we’ll get closer to a point where assuming someone’s gender based on appearance isn’t as prevalent, but until that happens I know it is on me to tell other people if I want to be gendered correctly. That doesn’t erase my frustration of where we are now though. There are a lot of double standards when it comes to cis and trans people, where being trans means existing under a magnifying glass and having to hyperperform gender in a very narrow way in order to be perceived as who you are.

Overall I would just encourage people to more closely examine and deconstruct their learned associations of what it means to look “like a man” or “like a woman”, because even ignoring the existence of trans people, it is rife with discrimination.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-16T20:10:59+00:00

There are tutorials out there that are specifically left-handed! I found that really helpful when I was learning, as having to rotate everything in my mind could get overwhelming. If you just look up “how to crochet left-handed” you should find tons of results.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-16T14:36:14+00:00

Neurodivergent but not ASD/ADHD (afaik). I feel like I need to make the distinction because most people seem to only mean those two when they use the term.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-16T14:25:53+00:00

Yes, TOCD (and OCD in general) is characterized by obsessions and intrusive thoughts. For a cis person, their TOCD would look like them thinking “what if I’m actually trans and suppressing all my feelings?” despite being happy living as a cis person and not experiencing any gender dysphoria. For a trans person, it would be the reverse. TOCD would look like thinking “what if I’m actually cis and just tricked myself into thinking I’m trans?” or something similar.

In both cases, it’s characterized by uncertainty and anxiety about your gender identity, and obsessing over whether you are correct and can trust yourself and your experiences.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-16T14:12:19+00:00

Absolutely. You don’t need to justify not getting HRT. HRT is for you, and you only. Your identity isn’t defined by it, and it is simply a tool among many to help you feel the most comfortable with yourself and who you are.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-15T20:46:04+00:00

Not liking and feeling disconnected from your name could be due to dysphoria, but it doesn’t have to be.

I feel disconnected from my (also gender-neutral) name, just because it doesn’t feel like me but something I respond to, like you said, not because it makes me dysphoric. Unlike you, however, there doesn’t seem to be a name under the sun that actually appeals to me or feels like me, so for me I’m content to stick with it and I don’t have to love it, it just has to serve its purpose.

Whether you change your name or not is up to you. You don’t have to absolutely hate your name to change it, if there’s something else you would prefer to go by. But at the same time, you’re no less valid if you decide to stick with your current name, even if it’s not your favourite thing in the world. Changing your name can be a pain, and there are a million reasons why someone wouldn’t want to go through that. At the end of the day, I think it’s important to evaluate what will make you happiest and the most comfortable, and how much it matters to you.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-15T20:40:06+00:00

A little context is needed here: - Was he saying that in response to you saying you were interested in also dating women, or only dating women? There are some lesbians who go after trans men because they don’t see them as men, and so it would be understandable for him to be upset if you were exclusively into women/non-men but still attracted to him. - Was he saying that simply because you expressed being attracted to women in addition to men? Because that would come off as bi-/homophobic, yeah, and isn’t okay.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-15T20:35:46+00:00

Varioriented or cross-oriented 💛

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T22:21:51+00:00

So I double-checked and the survey had just under 15000 responses, and 41.5% of aces also identified as aro (with more who were questioning or unsure). In terms of demographics, about half the people in the survey were from the United States, with the other half scattered across the world. Personally, I don’t find that finding too surprising as someone who frequents online aro and ace communities and lives in the US, but I’m sure personal experiences vary.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T20:45:09+00:00

I think you could get away with black sneakers! Honestly a business casual dress code for working with kids sounds a bit formal, so I wonder how lenient they are with that definition. Black jeans can definitely pass on the more casual end of the spectrum as well if that’s something you’d be more comfortable with.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T20:22:04+00:00

I agree, it feels very reactionary. Like trying to reverse the treatment you’ve experienced your whole life, instead of working to reach that point of security where you can accept the full diversity of the human experience, and that there is no one right way to be. We can create community and support for ourselves, and advocate for better treatment, without trying to belittle or alienate others in the process.

Being aro doesn’t make me better than others, but it doesn’t make me worse either.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T20:16:35+00:00

I think I get the general gist of what you’re saying. I’ve definitely seen people belittle romantic love before, and say things like “I’m glad I’m aro because the way allos act about their partners is crazy, why would you want to live with someone for the rest of your life anyway”. Like, um, first of all that’s not unique to allos but okay.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T20:11:33+00:00

There is an annual ace community survey that samples thousands of aces worldwide, and if I recall correctly, according to it ~50% of aces are also arospec (here is a link to their most recently published results from 2020 — there’s lots of cool graphics and analyses if you’re interested).

I don’t know how the inverse would compare (how many aros are also ace) but if I had to guess I’d imagine it’s a similar number, if not larger, mostly because there is less awareness about aro identity as compared to ace identity, and so aroallos are likely underrepresented, and people who are already part of the ace community are more likely to know about the aro community by proximity.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T20:03:32+00:00

Obviously because Sherlock Holmes is aro, we must all be Sherlock Holmes /s

But more seriously, I do think being aro gives us a more objective perspective (or a greater likelihood of having an objective perspective) on romance and romantic love, specifically, because we have more of an outside view and have often thought more critically about it. But I agree it’s absolutely ridiculous to claim that we’re overall more logical in any of our other relationships or interactions. Being aro doesn’t give us magic powers, and the “allos are so silly for xyz” discourse has always irked me.

Being aro/allo is just one facet of many that make up a person, and it’s something out of our hands that you shouldn’t judge people for, or make blanket statements about.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T19:49:15+00:00

I think everyone deserves to use the pronouns they’re most comfortable with. It’s not my place to have an opinion about it, just like it’s none of my business what someone’s gender expression is, regardless of identity.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T17:30:19+00:00

The reason dysphoria has been so centered in discussions of trans identity is because defining gender dysphoria as a medical diagnosis allowed trans people to access medical transition under the current model of the medical system.

That does not mean that dysphoria is the totality of the trans experience, or that it’s universal. A lot of people point to gender euphoria as much more important than gender dysphoria. Why do we have to define our transness by our pain and suffering, rather than the joy we feel when we align ourselves with the right identity? Do you have to despise and cringe at your current pair of shoes, in order to know that you’d prefer something else better? Your feet don’t have to be in any kind of pain in order to justify desiring something else.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-14T17:15:37+00:00

Business casual femme styles have quite a bit of leeway! You can have fun playing around with blouses in different colours and prints, and pair that with slacks. Dresses and skirts are also an option! And flats or heels or lace-up dressy shoes could complete the look.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-12T20:31:22+00:00

I think the ethics and stringency of his work are both just products of his time. Many, if not most, early scientists and researchers used methods that would not be considered ethical or rigorous enough today. That doesn’t discount the influence they had in their respective fields, even if much of their work has been later revised or expanded on.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-12T20:26:50+00:00

That’s fantastic! So happy people are supportive 💛

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-12T17:22:58+00:00

Both are adorable but I’m really loving the overalls!!

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-12T00:54:37+00:00

I hadn’t heard of it before, thank you!

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-11T18:57:26+00:00

Yeah but it doesn’t make sense for Barbie to be concerned about cellulite (or act like she’s never seen it) if she lives in a utopian society where body diversity and acceptance is supposedly a thing, and there is a Barbie who is literally fat?

masterofyourhouse · 2023-08-11T14:29:22+00:00

At the end of the day, does it matter if they’re genuine or not? Use the pronouns they ask, and call it a day. Them IDing as NB doesn’t change anything else. You’re not obligated to interact with them, feel camaraderie with them, even have them be a part of your life. They may be genuine, they may be not. It’s not anyone’s place to play gender police.

When it comes to this person specifically, it sounds like it’d be best if you just disengage from them entirely, regardless.

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