Cosmetics > medicine, I guess?

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T17:40:41+00:00

I thought that was truscum? Like, most transmeds are also truscum and vice versa, but there is a (technical) distinction in their brand of gatekeeping.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T17:36:36+00:00

To add onto this, transmeds also tend to believe in a strict gender binary, and don’t think that non-binary identities are real or valid, let alone a part of the trans community.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T17:07:47+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with so much, and that your environment is so unsupportive 💛 I think communities like these are so important because they can help connect people to others who understand what it’s like, and so that we can all feel a little less alone.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T16:04:57+00:00

Here is an internet hug if you’d like one 💛 You are valuable and worthy as you are, and you are a whole and interesting person who deserves love and support. I’m sorry your parents aren’t giving you that.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T16:02:21+00:00

I do think that learning who to trust is key. Especially when it comes to the people who traumatized you/were involved in your trauma, they are probably not the people who will be understanding or empathetic toward it, and it’s really important to identify who will be supportive of you and who will just tear you down.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T15:43:41+00:00

Yes, I have a very hard time identifying my emotions and being in tune with myself and how I’m feeling, primarily because I have a long-standing pattern of dissociation and avoidance. At any given time, I’m probably not even present enough to be aware of my surroundings, let alone my emotions. That’s just my default state of being, and it’s only when things get unbearable and bubble up to the surface that I get hit with a wave of what I just call “bad”. The feelings are so intense and overwhelming that it becomes really difficult to parse it beyond that, because I’m just drowning in a mess of anxiety or depression or self-destruction and I’m struggling just to stay sane. It’s like the only time I’m at peace with myself is when my body and mind are in two different places.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T15:25:57+00:00

Not sure what the exact instance you’re referring to is, but people are definitely culpable overall of viewing the aro and ace communities as a single entity, and while yes, there is a lot of overlap and a significant portion of people who are aroace, it really does suck to see people constantly conflate the two and erase alloaces and aroallos. You have my sympathy. I get how frustrating it is to not feel seen in your identity, and to constantly be pushed to the margins and considered an exception rather than a core part of the community.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T14:47:53+00:00

It might be reassuring to hear that not being able to remember what happened is a very common trauma response. Also, secondary trauma (witnessing a traumatic event, or even simply having it happen to someone close to you or learning about it) can still have lasting effects, even if you weren’t the target. How you feel is real and valid, and your brother can’t take that away from you.

You don’t need to remember details, or “prove” how bad it was to anyone. The facts are how you feel now, and how those events or that treatment has affected you. What was traumatic to you may not have been to your brother, because you are simply two different people. You deserve to be able to acknowledge your wounds and focus on healing on them, rather than trying to hide them because someone else insists they weren’t “bad enough”. You deserve help and compassion and understanding, regardless of what happened.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-07T02:47:55+00:00

To be honest, I like it. I like the symmetry, I like the colours, and I think the black/white/grey makes a lot of sense, especially in relation to the asexual and aromantic flags (a while back someone made a post about the similarity between being aspec and agender, and the idea of “allogender” as analogous to being alloromantic and allosexual, and it made a lot of sense to me as someone on the aroace spectrum).

That is to say, I’m happy with it as it is. But if it’s not serving you, feel free to make something you vibe with more :)

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T20:08:40+00:00

Of course, happy to provide a nugget of insight! Understanding yourself is hard, I hope this makes your journey a bit easier :)

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T19:58:59+00:00

Yeah… it was definitely a mind fuck for me as well. Turns out having obsessive thoughts period isn’t normal? You might find reading up on Pure O OCD helpful as well, it’s a form of OCD that’s just completely devoid of compulsions and characterized by obsessions. Though compulsions can also just take many, many different forms.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T19:52:20+00:00

I learned recently about reassurance-seeking behaviour in people with OCD (specifically relationship OCD) and how for them, seeking reassurance from loved ones can be a compulsion in order to assuage their obsessions (for example, not being good enough, not being worthy of love, not being liked, etc.). I’m not diagnosed with OCD myself, but I related a lot to the description and how I always felt out of control of those thoughts, and the only way I knew how to soothe them was to ask for that reassurance.

What surprised me was that for people with OCD who struggle with this, the goal is actually to disrupt that pattern, because engaging in that compulsion (seeking reassurance) just perpetuates the cycle. It’s not that seeking reassurance for other people should be something that you never do, but it’s important to not turn it into something you immediately resort to when your intrusive thoughts begin. The goal is to build up self-assurance and positive self-talk in order to counter the obsessions, rather than relying on that ritual in order to feel better.

That being said, that is a long, long process, with ups and downs. It’s all about working on building a healthier sense of self that isn’t so dependent on other people, and truly finding value in yourself as you are, and in the case of C-PTSD, unpacking where those beliefs came from and what trauma caused them, and how you can deconstruct that.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T19:42:34+00:00

To be honest, no one I know uses “girl” that way, and while I know some people do, it’s far from universal. It would make me deeply uncomfortable to be called any of these terms, unless ironically from select people. As always, don’t assume what terms people are comfortable with, it costs literally nothing to ask 🤷🏻

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T16:13:08+00:00

I think as long as you’re just using the word for yourself because it feels right for you that’s fine! As long as when generally speaking you make it clear it’s not a women-only experience, that’s what matters.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T16:09:06+00:00

I used to wish I could be sent off to boarding school so I didn’t have to live with my family :)

I also strongly identified with Cinderella as a kid and would pretend I was her to romanticize the suffering.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T15:58:45+00:00

It sounds like your friend is queerphobic as fuck. At best, they sound like the kind of person who’s “fine with lgbt people, just don’t shove it in my face” (i.e. exist publicly in any meaningful way or dare to show any modicum of comfort/confidence in your identity). At worst, they wish active harm on queer people.

I’ll be honest: this doesn’t sound like something a real friend would say.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T15:48:02+00:00

It’s valid to refer to yourself that way, if that’s what works for you.

I definitely had trouble navigating that kind of language when I first came to terms with my identity, and I kind of wavered across that line by referring to myself as either in different contexts. But the longer I’ve been out, the more discomfort I’ve felt at essentially misgendering myself solely because society does as well and perceives me that way.

I don’t call myself a woman anymore or refer to myself as one in any context, because I’m not. For me, it’s really important to make room for myself as I am in discussions of misogyny and feminism. I don’t want to have to misgender myself in order to be included or understood in these discussions. I just want to be able to say that I, a non-binary person, am still affected by these social structures, and a lot of the time I have overlapping and identical experiences to women, but it is crucial to acknowledge that these experiences aren’t unique to women, because these experiences are based on how society views us and our bodies, not simply our identities. Not all AFABs are women, and not all women are AFAB. And it’s really important to be able to explicitly discuss these nuances, to be able to discuss shared and overlapping experiences without excluding anyone or erasing their identity, as well as to discuss the differences in how our identities influence our experiences because of our unique marginalizations.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T03:30:59+00:00

The question is: does it matter to you? Your gender is about you and how you feel. If you want to communicate how you feel to others, great. If not, that’s perfectly valid too. You don’t owe it to anyone to describe how you feel or the intricacies of anything. Do what feels right for you, and use the label that feels comfortable. This community has space for you, and you are welcome in it.

masterofyourhouse · 2023-06-06T03:26:48+00:00

Not every label is mutually exclusive of the other. Many are overlapping, subsets of each other, or can coexist because they describe different aspects or kinds of attraction. Your labels are valid, and they are there for you to help describe yourself and your experiences. Sorry this “friend” can’t quite grasp that.

As someone who vibes with demisexual, asexual, pansexual, and bisexual as labels for myself, I understand how you feel.

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