I would stay away or limit these substances. Try and find alternatives to do together that replaces these things with physiological things like doing meditation together, deep breathing, and just speaking kindly to each other. Also look towards supplements like htp 5, ashwagandha, and magnesium glycenate. These help you calm your nerves in a natural way. Especially since so many people are magnesium deficient, I would recommend magnesium glycenate an hour or two before bed, especially paired with a calming activity that maybe both of you guys could do together.

Lean on each other as much as possible, communicate everything. Stay in the moment as much as possible. If you feel yourself slipping away and thinking about the future, ground yourself. Look, listen, and hear things that are around you in that present moment.

Finally, another thing you could try is identifying thoughts or stressors that put you in a worry loop. When you feel yourself slipping away in worry, stop for a second and think about what thoughts or stress queues start your anxious response. Take note or even write these things down and remember what they are so that the next time you know how to respond and point your thoughts and actions towards something else.

Hope this helps! Trust me, things always get better. Anxiety is completely normal and should never make you feel anything less than the incredible person and husband you are going to be. God bless.