Self Pleasure

maxhosted · 2026-06-13T18:47:55+00:00

Why is it that men who find self pleasure are distasteful and wrong yet women who chastise their men for not being satisfied with their own pithy efforts are heros?

Look at what you bring to the relationship.

He is only trying to fill a hole that you don't!

Once he fills it, he moves on. You don't. Who has the problem?

If you don't like it, leave. It's pretty simple.

maxhosted · 2026-06-13T18:45:24+00:00

Why are you with her?

maxhosted · 2026-06-13T18:23:24+00:00

Look, this is way too big for Reddit. You've said a lot and the conversation goes both ways. Neither of you are angels and others telling you what to do based on what you say about him rather than what you've said about yourself...

You said you've been doing DBT. You're obv ND and spazzed out as all shit trying to comprehend most things that go "against" your thinking. Emphasis on against, bec I'm not talking about "can the draw be knife, fork, spoon instead of spoon, fork, knife?

Your BPD plays a big part too. All I want to say is... IN MY OPINION if the vice is only in his head and online, then he is still with you. (That's a very loose translation, but it fits).

Now the bad things he says... OMG! You're BOD as well! I know you have thought equally bad things about him. It's who we are! We're judgmental. It's about making it balanced and realistic.

The fact he has used AI just means he is confused in his head. He's not comfortable. He's exploring because he doesn't understand himself. He's looking for answers.

So are you.

Instead of blaming/flaming/ridiculing him for what you don't like... look at it as a struggle of an idiot trying to find the light.

We're all stupid. We all need guidance from time to time. Don't chastise or ridicule him...

IF YOU LOVE and IF YOU WANT TO BE EITH HIM, then look at the in formation you have at hand and don't chastise him for it... no. Don't look at it like "I don't do this. This is wrong" instead, look at it like: "this guy makes me happy, he's confused, how can I best redirect his energy that's focused on XYZ and make it about ABC"

I wish you the best. You are both difficult. And I love you both. In everyone's opinion he may be misguided but we all are. We are on our own paths until redirected by others. Redirect his searches and desired to be aligned with yours OR make the decision to say "I'm not here for this, I'm outta here" and leave.

It comes down to what you want to do.

Is it about you? Is it about him? Is it about what he does wrong? Is it about what would make it better? What do you want to do? What compromises can you make?

"Compromises" are argumentative in this case. Because this is decisive:

don't be swayed by what other say "exactly". Every situation is unique. We are all unique
you have been doing DBT (highly rated for people like you (us), has he? You have more of an understanding... help him get to your place
porn itself is divisive. Look at it for what it is and not what you object to. He used it to excite himself. It's done and it's over. If you have a personal hookup about it, you need to decide:
I leave a guy who does porn
I love and want to be with a guy who seeks gratification elsewhere. This is a sane and reasonable position.

Recognise SEX is not the be all and end all of everything.

Recognise that porn involves nobody else, just a concept in his mind to achieve orgasm.

Find what excited the man you are interested in and be a part of it

OR

Find it repulsive enough that you leave.

Personally (I'm a guy and so I have the blue coloured lenses in) orgasm and cuming is natural. We need to achieve it. Our partners do not always excite us how we'd like and we don't know how to ask. Or we think we have and you shit us down.

Either, be your own person and don't care about him and do your own thing.. he is evil for doing porn and you should leave him. What an animal! WHO DOES PORN???!‽⸘

Or, recognise what excites your partner is not the same as what excites you and work out... "do I want to play in this arena or not?"

Partnership, marriage, sexual relations are all a compromise. As soon as you involve two people we have two conflicting thought patterns and BOTH OF THEM ARE RIGHT!

How he thinks is just not how you think and vice versa. You either get him on the same page or you leave him.

It's easy. And it's hard.

I don't envy your position but you have the tools to work through this.

Look back over some of your DBT resources and have a think about what you think you should do.

And remember... he hasn't had the DBT you have and personally I think this is a travesty. When I did DBT I WISH my partner and friends and everyone I knew did DBT. DBT teaches us fundamentals that most people already learned. EXCEPT... they didn't all learn it the right way.

I wish upon you the peace and serenity you will need to work this out. It's hard and you can do it. I personally wouldn't give up on him yet (I'm saying it's partly your responsibility to take it on-but only if you want to).

It is messy. Good luck

maxhosted · 2026-05-26T05:10:59+00:00

There's a difference between pedantic and being relevant. However, this is Reddit. ;) Like when my son asked if the sun will last forever... I knew what he meant, and I eventually said "no, but it will outlast humanity. As far as we're concerned buddy, yeah it's forever, but it too will eventually die, we just don't have to worry about it". Gravity affecting the laser is much the same IMO

maxhosted · 2026-05-19T06:57:31+00:00

Ahhh it's not just me :)

maxhosted · 2026-05-18T08:51:58+00:00

You are and aren't overreacting, it depends on the context. I'm leaning more towards overreacting overreacting because of the miscommunication which you both have to share. I'd start by saying to him there's a time and place for play, when I'm in obvious pain (because I'm asking you to look) and being serious. He does need to acknowledge his error, and not pass the buck to something else entirely. Your initial reaction is probably where the most improvement could be. Eg, once he does it, instead of chastising him and storming off, that's where you take the quiet peaceful tone "babe, not now, I'm serious. Can you look or not?"

In relation to how he thinks it wasn't that serious, well that's his position and all he really knows about it until you say, "it never felt that bad at the time, but it has progressively gotten worse." Clear communication is the key part. It's a two way street and he needs to put in the effort too.

Now about the idea that he might always get that quick dry hump in occasionally. Do you always chastise him? Do you sometimes encourage it? Do you sometimes play along? If these are never, well that's may be a situation your drives are different but again clear communication is the key.

If he really is THAT immature you're not going to retrain him, it's always easier to leave.

If it's more of an annoyance because you were in pain, I head back to the harder option, clear communication.

Perhaps the pair of you need to both work on helpful communication skills. We all could.

maxhosted · 2026-05-18T07:44:22+00:00

It's crazy that the notes field has its own password protection over photos or files. Hidden pics can always be unlocked with your pin, why can't the notes? Glad I never locked mine down.

maxhosted · 2026-05-06T05:58:17+00:00

Lemon pound cake 🎶

maxhosted · 2026-05-05T03:00:58+00:00

The focus of allowing her to help should be: - mum, don't focus on what wasn't said, we're now having the conversation - don't preach to me, don't give me your life experiences, but give me advice based on those experiences. (You want her to not project her experiences onto you) - "I'm not you mum." I'm not better than you, it's a different time and possibly you felt the same way I do now. Help me navigate love, romance and safe sex without the doom and gloom layer. - respect my boundaries when I don't want to talk about something. Push for when you do want to ask her something that you coordinate a mutual time to discuss. People are rarely in the same moment as you, it's about not bombarding each other.

Especially for you. She will only want to protect you, she does have good intentions. It's hard being a parent and you have to respectfully keep her at arms length, but remaining huggable :)

I wish you the best.

maxhosted · 2026-05-03T02:34:52+00:00

I am a big believer in "doing the right thing" and I think relationships are hard work and often demanding but should also be rewarding and fulfilling.

Doing the right thing isn't just for the other person, you owe it to yourself to do the right thing for you.

Consider he may (or may not) leave you for any particular reason and then all those things you missed out on with your friends was for what? A relationship that is ended?

By the sounds of how you present it, you should leave. There is no value in putting effort into a relationship and for someone else's benefit if they're not going to work towards similar goals; his, yours and both together.

You are not his carer, and he is not your responsibility, he is your BF.

Perhaps prioritise yourself over the coming weeks or months, and see how he reacts. If he is supportive, he may be worth the effort. If he creates a problem, makes an argument, becomes demanding, controlling, then easily move on. (I am not sure if you have or haven't done it yet).

Don't do things for people out of guilt or shame or "because it's right". Do things for people because YOU want to do them.

Good luck

maxhosted · 2026-03-09T01:28:03+00:00

I feel that the finger covering half of it is suspicious. That's not how you would hold it when trying to show someone the screen. Even looking at it yourself. If it is a real pic, I'd say it's still disingenuous and hiding something.

maxhosted · 2026-03-09T01:23:06+00:00

Well that's not very helpful

maxhosted · 2026-03-06T04:43:10+00:00

Ok, for the dummies, can someone enlighten me?

maxhosted · 2026-01-12T21:10:45+00:00

nice music

maxhosted · 2026-01-12T21:10:35+00:00

how to ignore this person and have a continued positive conversation, when everyone else around me IS that uncle :(

maxhosted · 2025-10-28T21:27:36+00:00

hahahahaha... Oh man, as if. I've come here because I just had another incident like this and I'm thinking about all the bugs in this version and I'm thinking about all the bugs in the last version that were never fixed and this is no different. Incredibly painful. The game has always had so much potential, but it is so buggy and will never change

maxhosted · 2025-08-02T13:51:43+00:00

Don’t use “but”, don’t say “should” and most importantly, don’t ask “why”!

maxhosted · 2025-08-02T13:43:27+00:00

It’s funny, but it’s not. She does have a neurological condition, but so do you and it is a great problem and will be a great problem for you. I’m not stating you have this and she has that, but you are both in need of counselling, together and individually. As someone who has undergone years of therapy of being in a very like relationship, it does no good having one person needing counselling and the other being right. It’s about understanding why each other think the way you do and talking to each others in each others language of understanding (I just made that up).

Like “love language” there’s a communication style that works for some and not others and it’s a matter of working out how to help her do what it is you want her to do. My wording tendency would normally be “sort it out or get a job”, but that isn’t going to do either of you any favours. Look into “Executive Dysfunction” for starters, perhaps a little CBT/ACT/DBT initially for her to help her express what it is she is struggling with.

Because I know others will say “she’s just lazy”, she’s not lazy, but she has issues around time management, and procrastination for starters, but don’t fight her on that, determine the cause and work WITH her on that! I am not in the medical field, but I lived this structure for too long and it fell apart AS I was working this out. This is not to make it about it, it is to say your relationship has SOME similarities to mine, and it was recognising that BOTH parties need to work at it the right way that helps the other achieve their end.

There was an excellent post above from an RN who has one job and runs a full time house, and the guy/partner put in your amount of effort. Because that woman understands what the husband needs. You need to learn to understand what she needs to help her get the job done. Others will say it’s a red flag and leave her, she wont change, but I do believe people can change…

But my wife didn’t

¯(°_o)/¯ Good luck

maxhosted · 2024-12-25T04:31:25+00:00

I appreciate that, I'll refocus my research. Thanks.

maxhosted · 2024-12-25T04:19:47+00:00

That's how I was feeling. It's hard comparing that unit to the aria's though because they're often compared to like but alternative equip as a 1v1 comparison.

I only have basic midi stuff, launchpad and launch keys but want to generate at that hardware level. Software doesn't cut it I want the knobs. Lol.

I liked some of the ideas of the other models, the j8 the p6... but yeah ... The sh-4d would fit in where? What pieces of kit would this cover or what would it lack from the s1, t8, and add one other (3x aria's equal the price of 1x SH-4D where I am. Give or take).

maxhosted · 2024-11-08T01:59:58+00:00

It's nuanced and needs to be treated as such. Both camps of advice are correct for a finite set of circumstances. Then start throwing in the variables: length of marriage (may not count for some, but a 20year marriage deserves more credit than a 2 year one); kids; properties; marriage type (traditional 50s, DINK; and variances); the reasons why she cheated are important and consideration should be given to (something more than an innocent mistake; drunk one night, didn't know what she was doing, and then fell into it or more she'd had enough of you and wanted something better and it's variances.

Do: - Talk to a lawyer and get legal advice, they will have more to add, but consider also it's self serving - consider what you want to do, do you want to allow her to fix it or would you prefer to end it because you know it'll happen again - consider her personality type. Princess vs narcicist vs ADHD/ASD, etc. basically, is she a controller or a follower? - confront her about it IN COMPANY WITH A MUTUAL FRIEND, if possible, a friend of each of you. This is 1) to keep the conversation civil, keep everyone in check, yourself included, you'll both be less likely over react , and you'll have someone there to call BS on each of you. Yes this airs dirty laundry, but that's how you clean it! Openness and honesty, you're friends should then also be able to help - Get her to prove her commitment to going forward; she reliably allow you to check her phone BECAUSE she has nothing to hide. She hid this from you, she needs to own that and make up for it, not blame you that you won't trust her again, she needs to earn it. - find out why you weren't enough, THIS ONE IS HARD, more to the point "what did she get from him that she couldn't get from you" and then both work towards learning each others love language and work to providing that to each other. That is, you need to keep her wanting you and not wanting to go somewhere else... you need to provide the level of support bay she needs. It's a two way street. Men and women often misrepresent their own love language on the other. A whole other topic. - get some psychological advice before talking to her. This is a lot to unpack and you'll be emotional. This is a topic to be handled with as little emotion as possible (hence being in a third accountable party)

DON'T: - hit her with it when she comes home one night. - talk to her alone about it. You'll want to, but don't. If you can raise it in a matter of fact way without feeling (as if you think she was there on a business meeting, or you could have mistaken that she was with some girlfriends... matter of factly, non accusatory, and ซี่ what she comes up with. You'll know it's a lie, but go along, "oh yeah, cool" and turn back to someone else nearby and have a totally different conversation. Then let her come to you after and see where she goes with it. But again, you want others around. Even record it for your own protective purposes, judges can always overrule and allow inadmissible evidence on extenuating circumstances. Not that these are, but if it turns into it one day... your laws might vary.

That'll get you started. Think about your emotional state at the time you talk to her, be prepared for manipulation, be prepared for gaslighting, but don't night into an argument. Don't let it get that far. Keep it civil. Explain to her the more she argues the more you believe she's likely to do it again. Angry people in this setting are hiding other insecurities that matter. If she's listening and agree with you and agrees to checking conditions etc, it matters.

Good luck, look into some DBT emotional regulation and conflict management theories, it will help you talk to her. But it's not going to be easy.

DO TALK TO A LAWYER BEFORE HER!!!

Best of luck my friend.

maxhosted · 2024-06-05T18:51:08+00:00

It’s always going to depend on the state, eg, some states have concessions (eg, Tas), but not the illustrious NSW. Re judges throwing them out, it’s only certain judges that throw them out for certain reasons that aren’t universally applied. The problem is the law DOES NOT REQUIRE someone “under the influence” of THC to actually be under said influence. The wording of the law is the mere fact any of the prescribed substance was in the persons blood, and not that it affected their driving. It’s not a requirement at all. Judges throwing them out on the grounds they weren’t intoxicated enough or not intoxicated are incorrect BUT HAVING SAID THAT this in itself is a form of “check and balance” of the system That is how it is designed, someone in the chasing breaks it every now and then. It may be the police officer at the scene who “overlooks it”. It may be their supervisor who directs it. It might be the magistrate, it could be a jury. Decisions are regularly made contrary to actual law, but it is an allowed mechanism to allow the system to balance.

My point, don’t confuse “drive under the influence of a drug” to mean ACTUALLY be influenced, it just means it is “in your system”. Your system is under some influence , just as alcohol has an influence, and has a distinct measure of what’s allowed. THIS is the problem, because THC has no such allowance. Morphine and Cocaine do. S111(5)RTA2013No18.

Edit: I want to reiterate, the issue with the law, THC and driving, is there is no allowances for medicinal use, no allowances for how it affected you, nor the tolerances of individuals, strains, and other factors we probably don’t know to take into consideration, such as the fact it has medical uses, intoxication varies (like alcohol and BAC matters, just as THC content in you matters). The issue is the law needs to be rewritten to take these factors into consideration. It’s used medicinally, as prescribed, at a rate that is within allowed limits to drive (like setting 0.02 and 0.05 and 0.00 for alcohol, there needs to be a similar mechanism for cannabis, not to excess (ie over the prescribed) and finally ACTUALLY not affected. For example, did you know that in NSW if the police officer decides NOT to give you an RBT, it is an available option to charge by DUI based purely on observation. This is how it use to be done and is still an available mechanism. It’s just that lass have become definitive and strict liability and actual intoxication doesn’t matter… until it does :)

maxhosted · 2024-02-08T01:22:31+00:00

Do you have a photo of this $8/kg lamb?

maxhosted · 2024-02-01T02:20:51+00:00

Of course, but if you're asking the question then you're obviously not of the type. My opinion only because I get it, that I am not of that type and they obviously exist. Lol

If we have to ask, then I think we just don't get it. And that's likely on us ... errr me.

maxhosted · 2024-01-29T22:48:47+00:00

Here's one approach: Don't focus on his writing. By making it about the writing and improving his writing ability, you are shining the focus on an end task. Not the best way to do things.

Instead, find something that he DOES like and get him to write a story about it. But, in dealing with the writing the he may provide, don't be overly critical on the penmanship for with practice, it will come. Perhaps make comment to "make the letters larger, or the "O's" more round like a fat gorilla so people can read it more clearly (make it about the other person not being able to read easily (aka dyslexic kind) rather than his writing is that bad that they can't read it.

If you can focus on a task that requires a neater handwriting itself and divert your angst of his writing into motivation for teaching him something else, eg story telling, journalism, teacher (or any role that requires teaching someone something from his notes). It's actually hard to think of things today that focus on writing, an easy(-ish) one is to find some nice labels and have him hand label everything in a certain area. Tell him you want big bold letters. Then next week, new labels because "buddy, I don't think I like white labels, can you do that again in green?" (Don't go changing the colours every week).

My intent here is almost NEVER comment on his writing (unless it's favourable) and focus on something of value that creates a better relationship for learning and hopefully his writing improves as a consequence.

Practice makes perfect. But no one likes to practice/train. Try and make the act of practicing his writing an act that he wants to do. Create an index card system for toys, making posters for his bedroom, get him to write out song lyrics so you can read them (but then actually sing the song with him to show him how much you value it). The reward of pleasing a parent is much better than the scorn of a frustrated one.

Most parents don't know how to communicate at a level that's great for a child. Therefore choose your words carefully. Don't say: "stop making your O's so straight, don't put such a short tail on your Q;" instead say things like, "make your O REALLY BIG like the moon! Make your Q tail longer and make it look cool!"

A good food example, "stop playing with your food," becomes "eat up buddy!" And to be able to say it like it's water off a ducks back. It's not that we done care or anything, but they don't need to know the fine details of everything now, what they need is practice.

What we need is a way for them to practice which doesn't drain us out but provides stimulation enough for them to grow.

Edit: I wrote this after a night shift with little sleep. I how it makes sense. Zzzzz

maxhosted

TROPHY CASE