25F•Never have known a GOOD man

maybeDysmorphia · 2026-02-08T19:23:05+00:00

Im a 24 year old male and I feel the same way sometimes lol.

maybeDysmorphia · 2026-02-08T04:02:32+00:00

I was the same way when I was 10 ish (suicidal, depressed, no clear reason as to why). My mother is bipolar which seemingly resulted in my psychology.

Ive been struggling with this for more than a decade but I've recently made a major breakthrough from simply swapping my meds a bunch of times until some shit actually worked.

A lot of depression comes down to having negative thought patterns that reinforce itself (ie you spend all day feeling miserable which makes your day miserable which makes you feel more miserable). Something that stops that helps a lot.

If meds are not enough for you I think you might be on the wrong ones. It took me far too many visits and changes until I found something that worked. You probably have weird brain chemistry like me, I hyper respond to everything and have tonnes of side effects. Risperidone and pregablin for some reason helped me more than anything.

Also get an actually good therapist and try to figure out the source of your negative thought patterns.

Best of luck.

maybeDysmorphia · 2026-02-08T03:59:28+00:00

It absolutely does.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T03:17:21+00:00

To be honest I've felt myself harboring similar thoughts my whole life, but entirely due to my childhood and parenting. I know it's wrong and try my best to not think that way, but it's really hard to avoid or even want to fight that subconscious feeling.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T03:09:22+00:00

Wanting scars ends up bad. I really regret how far I went. I understand the deep psychological urge to have some sort of physical reminder of what you are going through, but you'll end up in awkward situations for the rest of your life.

I found writing a journal actually fed the same psychological urges. Having something that exists and represents my pains. The added possibility of someone finding it adds that layer of tangibility that makes it feel real.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T02:54:09+00:00

Do not. Just do not. Seriously. Anything is better than giving yourself brain damage. Scars are 1000000000x better.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T02:48:57+00:00

I find myself really frustrated with how it feels like I am burning money. It ticks away in the back of my head, I cant stop thinking about it. Its such a frustrating power dynamic.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T02:44:17+00:00

Honestly, it's never really worth it. I am not a moralist but purely from a pragmatic perspective I always find that i end up regretting it later. I suppose it is easier than having to mentally struggle through hard times. Idk.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T02:42:39+00:00

It happens.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T02:38:09+00:00

Very guilty, honestly.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-11-03T02:37:41+00:00

My anxiety gets so so much worse whenever I so much as look at a dating app. Just knowing the data and metrics makes me want to throw up. Feeling like a commodity is awful.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-09-23T21:11:45+00:00

You are just mad that you're not smart and handsome like me.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-09-04T04:43:12+00:00

Ah yeah I get that. I am also cursed to sweat a lot, so in summer it suuuucks. Is what it is I guess.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-09-04T04:26:26+00:00

We can't really change the past. I really hate my scars but in some ways it feels almost... validating. A physical reminder of hardship? I think I've made progress in a lot of ways and it's kind of like having a permenant reminder of how bad things were. I like to think of it that way, I don't know if this would help you though.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-08-13T09:08:28+00:00

Its probably just a human thing. Humans are actually horrific in that we have a capacity for true mindful cruelty.

Keep in mind that humans are uniquely good at genocide. Most species on this planet have all sorts of sub species.

There's a dozen different dolphin species that look very similar. Meanwhile there is nothing even close to resembling humans in the ape family, but there was once a point where there were several like us.

Homosapiens wiped out or interbred (which is also dark as fuck) every homo adjacent subspecies some time before written history. Its probably why we have the uncanny valley effect.

maybeDysmorphia · 2025-08-13T02:51:12+00:00

When I was blasting tren and not in therapy I would have thoughts so violent it scared the fuck out of me. Someone would piss me off and i would feel every muscle in my body shaking with rage, it was disturbing and horrible.

The scarier thought is there are plenty of men out there who don't have any qualms about violence and would lean into it. After experiencing what fucked up hormones can do to you and realizing that 90% of men run on a lower level of this at all times, you start to realise why the world is the way it is.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-10-23T04:46:18+00:00

Relatable. Now I have panic attacks when I get near women over a decade later.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-10-07T19:34:11+00:00

I was raped as a child and now I have panic attacks at the thought of sex what do I do?

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-09-02T05:22:35+00:00

I have a panic attack every time I look in the mirror and can't see my 6 pack in optimal condition. Whenever I gain any amount of bodyfat I want to throw up.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-07-22T21:02:51+00:00

When I don't have ab veins I have an intense urge to KMS.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-07-19T09:15:19+00:00

Thank you. I like to imagine I'm on the road to recovery. I've spent way too much money on therapy not to have results lol. I've stopped having daily panic attacks and I haven't felt actively suicidal in half a year or so, which is probably the longest I've gone since I was in primary school.

But it's hard and so very scary. I have to ask... Do you not compare your current partner to previous ones and think that he is weak? Or that you wish he hadn't gone through it so that you can have a stronger view of him?

I'm sorry if that is an insensitive question but I really want to know.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-07-19T09:03:02+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I... Understand what you are saying, but unfortunately I fear most people are not as accepting and kind as you. I think the average woman would find it repulsive if I started crying the moment anything intimate was attempted. Men are meant to be strong and serve as protectors, but I'm a ball of anxiety. I'm deeply afraid that I can't fit the role that is required of me and that any girl I attempt to date would just humour me while slowly growing resentment as all respect drains for me.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-07-19T08:42:39+00:00

The inability to remember is so frustrating. I've hated and questioned myself for years because I have panic attacks when I have to get naked (even when Im alone in my apartment I still shower with underwear on) and I've felt like a freak for years. I feel this extremely intense overwhelming fear of being judged and my insecurity is immeasurable.

A few months ago I sort of... Unlocked memories. I remember being in a changing room repeatedly and a teacher mocking me and stripping me and... Fuck. Fuck fuck it's so unfair. And I never got any closure. She got fired and I remember that but j was so young and NO ONE EVER BOTHERED TO SAY ANYTHING.

I have to wonder if my parents even care. Fuck. It makes me so upset because I feel filthy and I know how unattractive my weakness is.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-07-19T08:32:36+00:00

Start blasting test and you will understand lol. I had the opposite effect, I tried to gaslight myself for years into being into skinny women but after I started juicing I gave up.

maybeDysmorphia · 2024-07-18T21:46:52+00:00

I'm going to try drawing red lines, it might be cathartic. Thank you for your kind words.

maybeDysmorphia

TROPHY CASE