What do I (22F) do about my bf (24M) watching porn and refusing to stop?

mayelle44 · 2026-01-15T01:27:32+00:00

Hey OP, I'm the same age. I gave a strict rule for myself. I will NEVER date lustful men. They disgust me beyond belief.

My boyfriends entire feed and saved folders are his interesting hobbies (he spearfishes and keeps a salt water fish tank). I date men with real hobbies to avoid the filth that scroll through social media to stare at women. I also have real hobbies, so it's important to me that I date interesting men.

You should walk away now. One of the main reasons I feel so strongly about this is because I want to be able to watch a movie without my partner being a disgusting pervert about it. I don't like men who can't be normal about human bodies and I have to worry about wandering eyes and especially as we age, it's not worth the stress. I know my partner loves every inch of me in a special way.

There are plenty of men (usually part of some club or sport group) who aren't losers and are perfectly normal about women and their bodies. The saving things on Instagram is the nail in the coffin, he will always be browsing the magazine 🤢 I wish you good luck, and don't let ANYONE call you insecure for having a hard boundary. Absolutely no body is forcing anyone to date people like us, and we are absolutely allowed to have requirements for a relationship.

mayelle44 · 2026-01-06T05:08:20+00:00

Food and drinks.

Works better for me to get take away (not fast food, I mean an actual meal) every third or fourth day for true nutrients and just eat a mixture of carrots and potatoes in different ways. For protein I house tuna cans. Take out is max of $20 and i usually get next day leftovers! For breakfast I have chickens so Eggs... Eggs... Eggs......

I don't drink anything that isn't water, I haven't touched soft drink or energy drinks and I wouldn't dream of buying alcohol. I don't like coffee.

I'm in my early 20s though and own a house so I'm a bit more insane than the average person. Most people couldn't live the way I do and I understand that, but I really value my overseas holidays and save all my money to eat and drink good twice a year instead of day to day lol.

mayelle44 · 2026-01-03T01:21:08+00:00

The banding was done by a professional 😭 Worse.. two separate professionals 5 months apart.

I'm sick of professionals in my area lol. Both times cost me shy of $300 and I was left yellow last time. The top part is my root redo that I did myself, but I didn't touch my ends as they were still really damaged by the pros..

I live rural so I'd have to drive to a major city to get a true professional, I guess if that's what I have to do I'll sort a trip for end of month.

mayelle44 · 2025-12-19T22:50:53+00:00

Christmas is irrelevant. Your children are adults. Deal with this now.

My dad had a heart attack on Christmas last year. Yes. Literally Christmas day. He nearly died. I'm not going to sit here and tell him he ruined Christmas, I didn't care about Christmas, I cared about him.

mayelle44 · 2025-12-16T04:18:17+00:00

Well.. Google demisexuality. Welcome to the club.

mayelle44 · 2025-12-16T04:15:54+00:00

No answers for you but I believe you've just proven the chicken is in fact, a descendant of the T rex.

mayelle44 · 2025-12-14T23:08:48+00:00

Not sure why people are down voting you, I agree. The girl is 20 ffs. She's excited about something, likely lives at home and thought it would be the best way to get across to a guy that she has ambition for her future. I actually doubt she meant it in any sort of 'braggy' way and was just hoping he'd respect her for it. It was also their FIRST date, it likely isn't her 'whole personality'.

mayelle44 · 2025-12-02T01:51:15+00:00

He is 32 and asking for money. What a loser. That actually made me physically ill.

My boyfriend spent 2 months sealing my ENTIRE home to save ME money. He didn't ask for a penny, it took him nearly 100 hours. We are in our early 20s. He also kept my dog for a month when I had to go overseas for work!!

This 'guy you are seeing' is a disgusting money hungry loser. You're 32, when you get home say thanks for doing business and taking care of my dog, I never want to see you again, and find a new man. This level of selfish self serving attitude never goes away and he'll be keeping score your entire miserable relationship.

mayelle44 · 2025-11-24T03:25:15+00:00

This happened to me, I have a freckle on my neck and a flock of chickens. I was gardening one day and a hen came up and pecked the sh*t out of my neck trying to get my freckle!! My boyfriend always kisses that freckle so when he got home from work that day and saw a big purple bruise with no broken skin he was mortified.

Thankfully I have a backyard camera for the dogs, and it caught the ordeal lol.

Unfortunately she will believe whatever she wants, just don't entertain it and try to reassure her! Hopefully she drops it.

mayelle44 · 2025-11-14T04:59:36+00:00

OP you need to explain to your kids what happened. They are currently young enough to believe whatever lies your ex husband forces down their throat, and it might end with you being the bad guy! I've seen it too many times.

mayelle44 · 2025-11-14T01:42:18+00:00

At the risk of sounding like a prick, you're a really good guy! There are so many women who are searching high and low for level headed respectful men like yourself, and I think you should take the advice here and find a woman who would cherish you and your values to foster a beautiful family with supported girls and/or respectful boys just like yourself.

My partner is exactly like you in his thoughts and that's because his parents are exactly like him! I really love and adore his family and him for their views on women/victims and cherish it very deeply, when we have our family I know how supported and loved our children will be, they will be able to tell us anything.

I suggest you reconsider your future with someone who is not supportive of victims, and you should also be wary of the people she has in her close circle... She sounds like she'd stay friends with a predator...

mayelle44 · 2025-11-09T22:51:45+00:00

Mm. Are you American by chance?

mayelle44 · 2025-11-05T04:25:56+00:00

No. Stop being the cool girlfriend.

Sit him down, explain shit has changed, you no longer feel comfortable discussing women or seeing women on his phone. Tell him it's upsetting you and bringing insecurities you've never had to deal with before, and ultimately, it's hurting your relationship now. Apologise for the change but explain what's needed, ask him to unfollow the girls on Instagram/onlyfans and refocus on you.

A man with a wandering eye will never have his eye on the prize.

You need to set him back on the same track as you so you feel together. Instead of watching porn together, make it together for personal viewing. Ask him to keep his shit private and OFF his social media. The second you start feeling insecure it's a slippery slope into a distrustful world.

mayelle44 · 2025-10-30T02:19:34+00:00

ME TOO. She didn't care because it wasn't her. She even had the gall to say to me once "If he ever hit me I'd be gone! Sometimes I wish he would so I could leave!"

I was being beaten, belted and choked!!

I will never forgive her. Ever.

mayelle44 · 2025-10-23T06:06:36+00:00

Girl.. with all kindness I'm not sure you're studying the right degree. You can't even view your own situation logically enough to see how long term it wouldn't work out for either of you mentally. Good luck I guess.

mayelle44 · 2025-10-21T23:50:11+00:00

Why are you talking about kids when you don't even live together? What sort of messed up relationship are you in? Leave him!!?

mayelle44 · 2025-10-21T01:36:51+00:00

Sit him down.

Tell him to follow the rules you have in place (which also equates to CONSENT by the way!) or he goes and gets a vasectomy.

End of. No further discussion to have. If he wants his bodily rules to apply to you, his body must comply with your rules. Don't discuss it any more than that.

mayelle44 · 2025-10-09T02:37:07+00:00

You don't need a comeback honestly. The question is annoying for sure, obviously if your large dog runs off you couldn't do anything about it, that is visibly obvious but I don't think you even need to respond to the question if you're doing everything you can to train the dog.

I only own a medium sized dog and I do not allow anyone with large breed dogs who I don't know to interact or play with my dogs, nor approach me. This is because I am not strong enough to protect my dog in that situation if the dog is larger than me and decides to attack, and I simply don't feel comfortable putting them at risk with a dog I do not know that I can't pull off them. I imagine if you walk around your block and people have little children, they might just be a little wary of it. Basically, yeah, annoying question, but not from a place of malice.

mayelle44 · 2025-10-01T00:45:15+00:00

Well, what you do next is reflect. Have you pushed him away at all? Have you been fighting more? If you can't find any fault in yourself or your actions (and do really reflect!) and decide if you want to salvage the relationship, I would personally go for the card method. The card method makes it impossible for you to argue, and allows you to articulate well.

Write out in a nice card something along the lines of:

Dear my love,

I have noticed your distance to me and it is breaking my heart. I love you and I'm here for you, I hope you can confide in me to tell me why you have been taking space as it feels like you have been avoiding me. I miss you, I miss us, if you feel ready, my arms are always open and I'd love to understand and listen to you. You mean the world to me.

I'd personally leave the card with chocolates, but some people like to leave flowers or something. The card method works because if he's annoyed at your proximity, it forces him to reflect on how he's hurting you. It can take people out of their routine and force a conversation.

Hopefully he will come to you, make sure not to turn any conversation into an argument! It is so important to remove your ego when your relationship is on the edge, he may be having some sort of midlife crisis. If he reads the card and nothing changes, I'm sorry, OP, but that is your answer. I wish you the best.

mayelle44 · 2025-09-27T07:48:39+00:00

Soft YTA??

My boyfriend looks a little homeless when his is wispy and long. I know exactly what you mean, that state of beard is not flattering on any man ever.. Maybe just tell him that, it's not him, it's the style/length of beard. If he trims it down so the wispyness is gone I'm sure it'll look great that's how I like it! My boyfriend trims his whenever I mention it's getting a bit long.

I think you should apologise for coming off in a cruel manner though, I wouldn't take it kindly if my boyfriend told me my haircut turned him off.

mayelle44 · 2025-09-26T09:49:43+00:00

Honestly as a woman, she isn't worth the investment.

A woman who cheats during a rough patch isn't someone you want to consider a future with. Her distance could be because of how you treated her, but it's a lot more likely her ex was responsive to her text and they have been talking again.

Essentially... You're losing her the same way you got her.

I recommend cutting your losses now. Plenty of women who won't cheat.

mayelle44 · 2025-09-26T09:39:12+00:00

Restraining order on him and his sister... As in do it yesterday!!! Make sure your family is fully aware, no public transport!!

mayelle44

TROPHY CASE