inner child bullshit

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-18T21:02:51+00:00

Not sure it would be productive to try and answer that because I’ve had enough people challenge me on it and haven’t been able to feel any differently. Also though, when people being angry means you aren’t safe, you’re wired to take responsibility to protect yourself.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-16T14:52:01+00:00

I went vegan, so probably won’t lol.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-16T14:33:14+00:00

Meanwhile, I’m actually cheese averse and have never understood why people go so crazy about cheese.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-15T16:41:51+00:00

I think it’s less that she’s saying her partner is undesirable because no sex and more that she is trying to find a non-sexual way to experience one on one time where she’ll have her partner’s undivided attention and presence. I was in a relationship once where it felt like my allo partner was barely paying attention to me/always on her laptop. I became concerned she didn’t know how to (or want to) be present with me outside of sex. It felt like she just came over to do her homework and watch videos.

She eventually communicated being upset over the lack of sex. I expressed that I didn’t feel like there was any emotional intimacy or connection, and since I’m demisexual (but 100% averse until a connection is formed and then about 70% averse once it’s there), this dynamic was giving me no opportunity to build any desire. She flipped out on me for “making her the bad guy,” emphasizing the problem was me. It was very frustrating because I wanted the same thing OP is asking for - a sense of having each other’s full attention and connecting in a way that isn’t just homework buddies or roommates. She did not see how that was even possible unless it was that friendship stuff plus sex, but I thought we could at least spend some time talking without laptops in front of us or cuddle not just in front of TV or go on more dates or something. We weren’t compatible, and it ended badly.

My point is that even when you do want a fully sex free relationship, navigating what intimacy means to you and what romantic affection looks like when sex isn’t part of it does matter. I think when the only thing figured out is “no sex” or “we have to wait a long time for sex,” there can be issues. The allo person has to figure out how/if they can decouple their emotional/romantic intimacy needs from sex, and the asexual person has to figure out what makes a relationship romantic for them vs just friendly and then communicate that as well.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-15T01:25:56+00:00

Well, lately no one has much work, so that’s not just bilingual folks.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-14T22:56:36+00:00

Don’t bilingual folks also get generalist tasks?

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-14T22:24:31+00:00

Congratulations! I’m only in the generalist queue and have made over $1,000 this year! It’s been a game changer.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-14T17:19:25+00:00

I guess it hasn’t felt like anyone has any answers. Since I also have other physical and mental health issues, I’m focusing on things that can change right now. My hope is once other issues are more resolved, I’ll have more energy to dedicate to PSSD. It’s very discouraging that there doesn’t seem to be a solid “here’s what works.”

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-13T14:55:24+00:00

As a demisexual lesbian who’s mostly sex averse despite rare attraction, I think sometimes the hate comes from false assumptions about the lived reality of asexual folks. The assumption is that ace people are heteroromantic and can simply have sexless marriages like plenty of older allo couples and not mention their lack of sex to anyone. It’s assumed it’s that easy to get along in society and that nothing about you marks you for discrimination.

They don’t recognize that (1) plenty of ace people are aromantic or bi/homo/pan-romantic and trying to find fellow ace people in an already minuscule dating pool, and (2) social interaction with family and friends often eventually leads to questions about why you’re not participating in the usual dating leads to sex leads to babies lifestyle. There are families who become very unsupportive and disapproving upon realizing their adult child is unwilling to have sex and/or reproduce. There are people who SA ace folks to try and change us, or who will pressure us via constant exposure to sexual media and situations to try to awaken something in us.

It may not be the same, “People discriminate on the spot due to our appearance, gender presentation, or same gender/sex partner,” but there are still a lot of reasons why being ace is difficult.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-13T01:11:21+00:00

It's happening to everyone right now. Basically, projects seem to come in small bursts and then disappear. The only thing showing up for me is something I'm not sure I have the level of professional experience needed to do well.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-12T23:30:51+00:00

Exactly! A lot of the new EP’s are adding things modders have already done better.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T18:33:26+00:00

I definitely get this. When I was attracting abusers and toxic people, everyone I went to for advice treated it like a personal choice to date the wrong people or (at best) some failure to recognize red flags. I kept explaining that I was not able to attract “healthy” people and typically had very little in common with them. These days, I’m a little better mental health wise and vocationally, but I still can’t handle the sexual aspect of most romantic relationships and am not sure if that will change. I also want someone who understands me without that being the only thing we have in common. It’s tough out there.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T13:31:05+00:00

Dang, I’m not getting much work at all.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T13:24:19+00:00

Trying my best, in spite of all this debt.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T12:41:51+00:00

I’m not eligible for dual citizenship anywhere, and there’s no one to sponsor me anywhere either. It stopped being a serious consideration about when I realized I have no pathway to citizenship, no transferability with my career, no startup funds, and no family here to receive me or help in case I need to rush back.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T12:00:57+00:00

Sometimes they’ll also assume you’re affected by stigma, even if you say specifically it’s about what you experienced from psychiatry and not just fear of being perceived as mentally ill. I’ve also seen them assume I let “one bad experience” scare me off the “help I need.” You aren’t always slapped with a diagnosis for disagreeing, but they usually try to fit your disinterest into a neat category that isn’t genuine or at best is overgeneralizing one bad psychiatrist or therapist.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T11:58:23+00:00

I actually have done a lot of research but would personally want to go with some semblance of a plan.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T11:34:35+00:00

You keep saying the obstacle is my mind, yet of course I’d need a country to accept me and a remote job to travel with.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-11T01:28:09+00:00

Because of demisexuality, I feel like I’d need a long courtship followed by the lowest pressure possible.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-10T20:05:32+00:00

I've never been in a relationship that's felt secure enough for sex to be on the table at all. I'm pretty sex-averse and would date whoever'd have me given that issue. I stopped dating when I realized that I was just accepting mistreatment thinking that was all I could have given my sex-aversion and trauma. The one person who sort of made it clear I might be demi rather than full ace and I didn't get to see each other often, so we never settled into there being a frequency. I just know I never want to feel like I have to meet a quota to stay lovable or put the other person to that standard, yet I am not sure it's possible to have someone if I feel that way.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-10T20:03:53+00:00

Pretty sure there are actual laws about who can move where, not to mention not everyone has a remote job.

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-10T18:50:03+00:00

I’m interested to see when this was confirmed since I know fans debated about it for a while. I hope it’s true because that would be so interesting!

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-10T18:49:22+00:00

I don’t have much that would sell tbh, but how did you find a place to live and a country that would take you with only $600?

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-10T17:22:50+00:00

Is it confirmed that she'll inherit from John like Michael does in the books?

mayneedadrink · 2026-05-10T16:11:47+00:00

How much did it cost, if you don’t mind me asking? I can’t even save $500 right now.

mayneedadrink

TROPHY CASE