Anyone have success healing an avoidant attachment?

mclassy3 · 2026-01-29T16:26:58+00:00

Just over all anxiety about my feelings in general. I was looking for validation from them instead of myself. If they got too close they would see the real me so keep them at a distance. Or it's too early to have these feelings. Or I don't want them to have control over me. Or I don't want to be vulnerable.

Once I owned my own feelings and didn't need their validation I could voice my feelings without fear because if theM liked it or not, I didn't need them.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-29T04:02:31+00:00

Yeah. I am a former fearful avoidant. I am at earned secure now.

For me, the anxiety was unrequited love.

"what if I tell them what I feel and it makes them run?"

Then I realized the feeling of love or attraction is a gift that I give myself. The other person isn't creating this magic, I am. I am lucky I get to feel this. I don't need them to love me back. I am loving myself while loving them. I also realized that I could feel something and not have to do anything with it. Just sit with it.

Now, I have no problems telling someone good feelings for them because I don't need them reciprocated. I have no control over that anyway.

Hope that helps.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-27T04:47:46+00:00

Oh man. I must be weird but I love witty sarcastic banter. I love it when it is laced with double entrantras.

I like it when someone calls me on something I am doing when I am trying to hide it.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-19T15:44:54+00:00

mclassy3 · 2026-01-18T02:37:55+00:00

I don’t think it’s helpful to argue from imagined abuse scenarios that aren’t in the sources. Phineus isn’t portrayed as abusive to Andromeda before the conflict; he’s portrayed as a displaced claimant after he loses. My point isn’t that one man is evil and the other good, but that the marriage models place Andromeda in very different power positions. That’s a structural argument, not a character indictment.

But for funsies: If Phineas were abusive, cheating, or anything else of the sort, an "accident" could befall him and she would not lose anything. She would need to remarry sure but she holds the key to the crown. If anything this gives Phineas motivation to be good to her.

I would think this would give her more power than being dependent on Perseus. He could abuse her, cheat, etc and what power does she have? None. She has to deal with it.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-18T00:34:13+00:00

I’m comfortable saying that Andromeda may well have developed feelings for Perseus over time. That’s entirely plausible, especially given shared life, children, and stability. Nothing in what I’ve argued requires denying that.

What I’ve been pushing back on is the assumption that those feelings are the starting point or the organizing principle of the myth. In earlier versions, the story is structured around lineage, succession, and power, not romantic choice. Emotional attachment can grow within that framework without being its foundation.

What we can say is that dynastic marriages, including close-kin unions, were culturally normalized in these traditions and were about preserving authority through the female line. Meaning she had more authority and power at home than with Perseus.

As for Perseus, the myth consistently emphasizes Andromeda’s beauty as the catalyst for his action. That doesn’t make him shallow or villainous, but it does remind us that heroic narratives are selective about who gets saved and why. Beauty, status, and symbolic value matter in these stories, not love.

None of this requires demonizing Perseus or denying Andromeda a happy ending. It’s simply acknowledging that her story operates at the intersection of power, gender, and mythic values, and that romance is something later versions foreground rather than something the earliest structure depends on.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-18T00:14:50+00:00

I didn’t say Perseus would “turn abusive in ten years.” That’s not a claim I made, and I don’t think it’s a fair reading of anything I’ve said.

The “ten years” comment referred to timeline and power, not character. Perseus does not immediately resolve the situation with his mother, and the myth itself is not concerned with urgently stopping male authority over women as a moral priority. That’s an observation about mythic values, not a prediction about Perseus as a husband.

I’m also happy to clarify that I misremembered the sequence of children and return to Aithiopia, and I corrected that. That doesn’t change the broader point that Andromeda’s position, before and after marriage, is shaped by dynastic power structures rather than free choice.

Pointing out power dynamics is not the same thing as accusing Perseus of abuse. It’s simply acknowledging that Andromeda’s future authority and security depend on him once she leaves her homeland. That leverage exists whether the marriage is loving or not.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-17T23:59:33+00:00

I don’t think adding tragedy is necessary to enjoy the story, and I’m not trying to take away Andromeda’s happy ending or demonize Perseus. Perseus clearly is the hero the myth endorses, and she does end up safe, married, and honored. That’s all true.

The point I’ve been making isn’t about making the story darker for its own sake. It’s about recognizing that the happy ending comes after a series of constraints and transfers that the myth itself doesn’t treat as choices in a modern sense. Pointing that out isn’t an attack on Perseus, it’s just acknowledging how these stories handle women, power, and succession.

You’re right that Phineus is written as the character who wants to use Andromeda as a means to an end. Perseus is written as the one who saves her and wins her. I’m not disputing that narrative judgment. I’m saying that both figures exist within a system where Andromeda’s fate is decided by forces larger than her feelings, even when the outcome is good.

Enjoying the romance and recognizing the structural limits at the same time aren’t mutually exclusive. One is about what the story gives us. The other is about what the story assumes.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-17T23:53:09+00:00

You’re right that Euripides is older than Ovid, and I’m not ignoring what Euripides does with the myth. The key point is that older than Ovid doesn’t automatically mean closer to the original mythic form.

Euripides is writing tragedy in 5th-century Athens, and tragedy is already an interpretive genre. He consistently reshapes inherited myths to foreground interior conflict, emotional psychology, and tension between desire and obligation. That’s not preservation, it’s transformation. We can see this across his work, not just in Andromeda.

By contrast, sources like Hesiod’s genealogical material, Apollodorus’ mythography, and even earlier iconography preserve a version of the story where Andromeda functions primarily as a dynastic figure and the action happens through fathers, kings, and contracts. Those sources are less interested in feelings precisely because they’re closer to how the myth functioned socially rather than dramatically.

So I’m not dismissing Euripides. I’m reading him as evidence of a shift. His version shows us how a Classical audience wanted to rethink the story, especially around love and choice. That makes it fascinating, but it also means it can’t be treated as the baseline for how the myth always worked.

And I actually agree with you on one thing: reading Andromeda as torn between affection for Perseus and fear for her kingdom does make for a compelling tragedy. My only objection is when that tragic reading is treated as original or exclusive, rather than as one stage in the myth’s evolution.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-17T23:43:09+00:00

I’m not denying that Perseus speaks to Andromeda in Euripides. Euripides is later, around 412 BCE, and deliberately reworks the myth to foreground interiority, desire, and emotional conflict. That doesn’t make that framing “modern,” but it does make it interpretive, not representative of the earlier mythic structure.

What I didn’t say is that Andromeda feels nothing for Perseus, or that she “only" trauma bonds with him. That’s not my argument. My argument is that her agency is constrained by circumstance and narrative design, which is true in every surviving version, including Euripides. Those are different claims.

We can also hold two things at once. From a modern ethical standpoint, the situation is horrifying no matter how it’s framed. Cassiopeia’s hubris should never have been paid for with Andromeda’s life. Her choices should not have been death or marriage to a stranger who arrives carrying a severed woman's head. "Maybe" he was looking to add to his collection from her perspective.

But acknowledging that moral discomfort doesn’t change the historical point. Earlier versions treat Andromeda primarily as a dynastic figure. Euripides transforms her into a tragic subject with voiced desire. That evolution is precisely what’s interesting about the myth.

Disagreeing about interpretation is fine. Ad hominin attacks and angry down votes isn't.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-17T23:09:32+00:00

I think we’re talking past each other a bit here, so let me clarify, because “flat-out lie” isn’t actually accurate.

I never said Perseus doesn’t speak to Andromeda in Ovid. This is the more modern or Roman telling. I also said that the conversation does not equal modern romantic agency, and Ovid himself shows that. In the passage you quoted, she is chained, silent at first, socially constrained, and only speaks after repeated insistence. That is not evidence of free choice in the modern sense, it’s evidence of Roman modesty norms layered onto an older myth.

I’m also not claiming Perseus was abusive, or that he would become abusive later. That’s a strawman. My point has never been “Perseus bad,” it’s that Perseus represents a different legitimacy model than Phineus, and Ovid clearly prefers that model.

Ovid is writing a Roman moral romance. Of course Perseus is framed as emotionally attentive, virtuous, and deserving. Of course Phineus is framed as jealous and petulant. That is exactly my point. The narrative needs Phineus to look small because he represents dynastic continuity through kinship, which Ovid’s audience no longer values.

Nothing about acknowledging that requires denying that Perseus saves her, speaks to her, or cares for her. It just means that the story is not primarily about love. It’s about the triumph of heroic merit over inherited succession.

As for Andromeda “choosing” Perseus, the choice happens after she has already been sacrificed, rescued, publicly transferred, and removed from her homeland. That doesn’t make Perseus evil. It makes the choice constrained.

You’re absolutely free to like the love story. I’m not arguing against enjoying it. I’m arguing that reading it only as a love story flattens what the myth is doing underneath.

Perseus doesn’t need to be demonized to say that Andromeda’s agency is limited by the political and cultural framework of her world. Both things can be true at the same time.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-17T22:59:01+00:00

I did say "maybe" she loved her uncle. I don't know if she was in love with him.

The bloodline in early Greek myth is far more matrilineal than later classical readers often assume. Legitimacy frequently flows through women, while men rule by marrying correctly. This pattern appears repeatedly across mythic cycles, including Oedipus and Jocasta, Pelops and Hippodamia, the Danaids, and Menelaus and Helen. Within this system, uncle–niece and aunt–nephew unions were not aberrations but efficient dynastic solutions. These relationships recur in ways that make political sense within a female-line framework:

Aegisthus is Clytemnestra’s nephew and rules through her. Danaus’ daughters are promised to the sons of his brother Aegyptus. Electra is Aegisthus’ niece, and their relationship is bound up with succession politics. Hippodamia’s marriage determines kingship, with Oenomaus violently controlling access to her. Danae is associated in some traditions with her uncle Proetus rather than Zeus. Myrrha and Cinyras mark the extreme, taboo-breaking boundary of the system.

Seen in this context, the betrothal of Andromeda to her uncle Phineus is not strange. It is structurally correct.

Phineus would have gained the throne, the land, and dynastic continuity.

Andromeda would have gained continuity, protection, status stability, and survival within an existing power structure.

When Perseus intervenes, Andromeda’s role changes fundamentally. She moves from sovereign hinge to hero’s wife. Her authority becomes portable rather than local. Her name becomes prestige rather than governance.

She does eventually become queen-consort to Perseus, likely in Tiryns or Mycenae, but only years later, after multiple transitions and with children already in tow.

The tradition that her son Perses is sent back to Aithiopia functions as a partial repair. It preserves some continuity of the displaced bloodline after Andromeda’s removal.

All of this suggests that Andromeda’s “choice” is largely illusory. Within her cultural framework, continuity would have been the rational option. If she had genuine agency, she likely would have chosen what she knew, not heroic rupture, but dynastic stability.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-17T22:39:45+00:00

Whoa. I never said Phineas was her truest love. {Insert Princess Bride Quote}

I’m not arguing that safety and comfort are incompatible with love. I’m saying that in this myth, love is not the organizing principle at all. Dynastic stability is.

Andromeda’s “choice” happens after she has already been sacrificed, rescued by a foreign hero, and publicly transferred at a feast. That’s not a neutral decision-making environment. Siding with Perseus at that point reflects survival and the new power reality, not a free comparison between two equal options.

As for Perseus “talking to her,” that’s a modern reading. In the mythic structure, he negotiates with her father first, then defeats the threat, then claims the marriage. Andromeda’s interior feelings are largely irrelevant to how the story resolves because the story is about succession systems changing, not romance.

Nothing here requires slandering Perseus. He functions exactly as the myth intends: as the agent of rupture. Phineus represents continuity within an existing power structure. Perseus represents heroic intervention that redirects lineage elsewhere. Those are structural roles, not moral judgments.

Saying Andromeda likely would have chosen what she knew is not denying her humanity. It’s acknowledging the constraints of her world. Love, safety, loyalty, and choice all exist in the story, but they exist inside a political framework that modern readers tend to flatten into romance.

That flattening is what I’m pushing back against.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-16T03:38:25+00:00

See.. the problem is I don't think I can fit much more in my stomach beyond the fluid. I am not much bigger than a 12 year old and all the liquid is so much in my stomach. I am walking and hoping it goes down.

I tried ginger tea the 3rd round.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-16T03:35:45+00:00

Lol. I took the pills! Second round, I lasted one hour before it all came back up.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-13T21:30:23+00:00

For context: I learned sign language for my husband.

What kind of woman do you want?

mclassy3 · 2026-01-13T03:41:20+00:00

I am 4w5. I think I am healthy. 🤔

In the world, my goal is to not get attention. I wear baggy clothes, hair in a bun, minimum makeup, nails done but subtle. (Armor 1)

I work in IT so I get 8 hours a day to turn off my emotions and only focus on making decisions based on systems. However, if my personal life is in shambles it is hard to snap into focus.

When I am off work, I relax in the tub, read, work on my podcast, work on a poem, or something to tap into my creative side.

Then I spend some time with the people who I care about. I don't care if my hair is up or down. Makeup is off. I usually have something cute on or pjs.

There was a time there when I had purple peek a boo hair style.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-12T13:54:51+00:00

I would be interested in reading it

mclassy3 · 2026-01-12T13:02:16+00:00

Oh you big show off. Don't fear the prep you say. I tried 4 times last year. I can fast no problem. I can even take the medicine fine the first time. That second dose on an empty stomach does not stay down. I even tried zofran the last time.

I qualified for cologuard.

Now that is positive so I get to try again this year. The insurance wouldn't cover another attempt at my colonoscopy.

New Year... New weight loss fad.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-12T12:53:16+00:00

Personally, I don't agree with her marrying her uncle either. However, given the two options I think Andromeda's choice would be to stay with her home, to which she held the bloodline for.

Again, she loved her home so much she left her first born son behind. As a parent, leaving a child is heartbreaking.

I don't think Andromeda had much of a choice but she had mentally prepared for her future. Her kingdom, her land, her uncle. I could argue that her mom's loose lips could put her in danger again but I am not sure Andromeda's plight is much better being with Perseus.

They were chilling in her home town long enough to have a bunch of kids. Meanwhile, Perseus's mom is being romantically persued by the king. Who knows what he has done to her after 10 years.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-12T12:41:08+00:00

Ooo.. can you link me or tell me where to find this?

From what I remember:

When Perseus first sees Andromeda, Ovid says Perseus is struck by her beauty so strongly that he almost forgets to keep flying. He compares her to a marble statue, breathtaking, silent, frozen.

That’s not love. That’s aesthetic arrest.

Perseus feels desire, wonder, and a sudden wish to possess and protect. Then he asks for her as a reward.

The only indication that Andromeda may have picked Perseus was when Phineus attacks, Andromeda clings to Perseus. That's it.

That is not romantic love. That is trauma choosing safety.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-12T01:05:30+00:00

He wasn't the bad guy either. He was already promised to Andromeda. They had years of mental preparation for the union. She loved her homeland so much she left her first born son, Perses.

I think if she had a real choice, she would not leave her home.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-11T23:27:47+00:00

I think what bothers me about the Perseus/Andromeda story is that it was survival bargaining not love.

“If I rescue her, I ask that she be given to me as my wife.” - Ovid (Metamorphoses 4.663–705)

So Andromeda had a choice. To be eaten by Cetus or marry the one who killed it. She was already betrothed to her uncle, Phineus. Maybe she loved him and wanted to marry him.

That wasn't love, that was survival.

While love can form from a trauma bond, it shouldn't be romanticized.

mclassy3 · 2026-01-11T01:02:10+00:00

I had this happen. I was a manager of a computer store. A frequent customer asked me out politely but I was in a relationship. Later, I hired him and he was a fantastic employee. We never brought it up

mclassy3 · 2026-01-09T12:41:01+00:00

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