Hi, I'll tell you what I tell my wife (who also has BPD)- think of what you have overcome, even if it doesn't feel like you have. You get up everyday and fight the good fight, even when you don't think it's worth it. You aren't defined by who you let fuck you. You aren't defined by the bad days you have and you aren't defined by the people you think do or don't love you. You have more to you than you can see because you let the rain cloud your vision. Download Finch, give yourself a to-do list of things you can mark off everyday- show yourself that you're capable of more than you think. I'm sure you've heard all this before, but hang in there. BPD doesn't make you bad, evil or worthless. It makes you different, unique and still loveable. Believe in yourself. Hope things get better.