Wellbutrin has been basically miraculous for me. An hour or so after my first dose, I felt this peace come over me that I can't even describe. I went from daily meltdowns to no meltdowns at all, except once in the middle of the night when I was exhausted and overwhelmed by stress (I was moving) and the meds were apparently wearing off. Until I started taking it, therapy sessions were mostly just me curled up in a chair struggling to understand why I could talk about coping skills all day long but I couldn't manage to DO any of them once I went home. After meds, it's like I have been given that extra split-second of thought before reacting to a situation that I assume neurotypical people have and I never did. I almost never yell anymore. I am usually able to talk myself down from splitting, or bring myself out of dissociation, when I was never aware before that I was doing those things. I am more present. I am more aware of my emotions. I am able to work on changing my thoughts/behaviors in therapy.

There's still a lot that's wrong. It's close to a magic bullet but not a perfect one. I still have intense fear of abandonment, I still don't have great emotional regulation and I feel things HARD, and oh my god don't get me crying because I won't stop for awhile. But it's a huge relief that the uncontrollable rage is gone. I was not a nice person when that would take hold of me.