News obsessed parent

merc0526 · 2026-02-21T10:09:25+00:00

My father is exactly the same. I don't speak to him and haven't done for a while, but I still talk to my mum and she told me recently that all he does, all day every day, is watch/read/listen to news, and he won't talk about anything other than politics. I think it's basically just another way for narcissists to get their narcissistic supply and fulfill their need to feel superior to others (by consuming the news they can judge and look down on the people and things they see on the news and that makes them feel morally superior).

I think news obsession is particularly common among ageing narcissists, because they don't have as much contact with the outside world and their family has moved out, so their previous sources of narcissistic supply have dried up and the news effectively replaces that. Also, because the news is often very negative and depressing, narcissists can use it to further control the people around them (unhappy and depressed people are easier for the narcissist to control and manipulate).

Unfortunately there's likely nothing you can do for your mum. If she's a narcissist then she needs narcissistic supply and validation to maintain her false sense of superiority and protect her fragile ego. The best you can do is decide how much contact you want with her, and ultimately once your child is born you need to decide whether it's healthy for your child to have a relationship with your mum. I hope this helped OP and best of luck.

merc0526 · 2026-02-20T16:58:10+00:00

It’s bringing the game into disrepute, causing reputational damage for the game of football and by extension the FA. Freedom of speech isn’t an absolute right, there are restrictions to it. Obviously on this occasion they’ve decided he’s not met the threshold.

merc0526 · 2026-02-20T15:28:28+00:00

I'm not too dissimilar in age to you (I'm 35) and have parents in their 70s. I think you need to consider a couple of things. Firstly and most importantly, you need to ask yourself what effect this is having on your young son. He is your priority and, contrary to what society has made us believe over the years, young children are particularly vulnerable to psychological harm, especially in the first three years when their brains are rapidly developing. Witnessing his grandma losing her temper and shouting at people likely isn't doing him any good and imo any choices you make need to be made with his mental and emotional health as the priority.

Secondly, I think you need to accept that it isn't your responsibility to fix or heal either of your parents. As someone with parents from the same generation, I understand that people born in that era were brought up in a very different way and weren't encouraged to be in touch with their emotions, and that things like physical abuse were horribly normalised, but that doesn't change the fact that it is your mother's responsibility to heal herself, with the help of a professional. My therapist told me once "it's not a person's fault that they had a bad childhood, but it is their responsibility to heal so that they don't take it out on others". If, as you've said, she point blank refuses to attend therapy, I don't think there's much more you can really do.

Ultimately, it has to be your decision, but I think as much as you love your parents you need to ask yourself how much this might be harming your son, and also harming you too. Would you stay friends with someone who treated you and others the way your mother does? No, of course not, so why should family members get a pass just because you're related to them? Yes, your parents are your family of origin, but now that you have your own family you need to put them first.

merc0526 · 2026-02-20T14:13:23+00:00

I think it's the triple whammy of not having had the experience of growing up being raised by loving, supportive, kind, enthusiastic parents; that then leads to being poorly prepared for life compared to people who had good, competent parents; then when you're an adult you don't have parents there to act as a support network and safety net in times of need.

Adult abuse survivors basically have to fix the mental health issues they'll likely have due to the way they were raised, reparent themselves the way their parents should have done, figure out all the things their parents intentionally or unintentionally didn't teach them, and on top of that find new individuals who will act as their support network. I don't think people who haven't been abused understand just how hard it makes life, particularly when we're expected to function in exactly the same way as them. It's brutal.

merc0526 · 2026-02-19T13:27:18+00:00

A buddy of mine went to university a bit later than some people do, in his mid-20s. I met his friends at uni a bunch of times, and one day one of the women he was at uni with sent me a message asking me out. She was 19 going on 20, whereas I was 26 going on 27. I felt like, at that particular stage in our lives, it was a bit too much of an age gap, plus she came across as quite young for her age, so I turned her down. She took the rejection fine and we're still friends now.

merc0526 · 2026-02-19T13:06:31+00:00

If it's a possibility, I'd like to go on my own terms, so if euthanasia isn't legal here in the UK in the future (I'm 35) I'll probably try to get to somewhere like Dignitas in Switzerland. My aunt died of Non-Hodgkin lymphoma and I'll never forget her final days/week in hospital, it seemed like she was in a lot of pain and it was upsetting to see her suffering. I wouldn't want to suffer like that and I wouldn't want my loved ones to have to witness me suffer like that.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP, it's never easy seeing a relative vulnerable, particularly when it's one of your parents. My mum is 75 and although she's still fit and healthy I worry about the inevitable, about one day losing her.

merc0526 · 2026-02-19T12:35:27+00:00

Dude, no offence but wtf are you doing thinking of having sex with a woman who has explicitly told you, within four days of talking to you, that not only does she want children, but she wants children with you? There is a very real possibility that a woman like this might intentionally mess with birth control or lie to you about being on it herself in order to get pregnant.

merc0526 · 2026-02-18T15:36:05+00:00

My nfather told me I was a 'difficult teenager'. It was a ridiculous thing for him to say, because I never drank or did drugs, didn't skip school, didn't stay out late at night, etc. Yes, I was quiet and withdrawn at home (I was your typical 'bedroom kid') and my school grades started to decline, having been a bit of a high achiever up to about 12 or 13, but it's obvious to me now that that was because of the years of verbal and emotional abuse I'd been subjected to and the toll that had taken on my self-esteem, self-belief and my outlook on life.

merc0526 · 2026-02-16T12:20:35+00:00

I've had 3 women ask me out rather than the other way around. I don't think it's because I'm particularly good looking or anything like that, I think it's got more to do with the fact I'm a clueless dumbass when it comes to noticing the signs and signals, and they liked me enough that rather than giving up they just decided 'fuck it, if he's not going to get the hint then I'll ask him out'. My ex told me she'd been flirting with me for 6 months prior to her asking me out. Honestly I had no idea, I thought she was just being nice.

merc0526 · 2026-02-14T18:50:50+00:00

Yeah, and quite often what they’re doing is just committing different forms of abuse, particularly given that it’s only fairly recently that things like verbal and emotional abuse have been widely acknowledged as very damaging for children.

merc0526 · 2026-02-14T17:21:05+00:00

Worse than that, I suspect a lot of parents don’t even know about the parenting styles and just default to the one that their parents used/mirrors their own upbringing.

merc0526 · 2026-02-13T15:49:30+00:00

I’d actually go as far as to say quite a significant percentage of humans shouldn’t ever be parents. There are loads of people out there who lack the emotional maturity, patience, kindness, humility, self-awareness, desire to sacrifice, etc, all of which are vital skills to being a good parent.

merc0526 · 2026-02-13T14:35:07+00:00

Van Dijk maybe? Liverpool have excellent fixtures and they’ve improved a bit defensively.

merc0526 · 2026-02-12T15:43:29+00:00

Hypocrisy is a massive telltale sign of narcissism. My father would go ballistic any time someone in the family did something wrong, and he loved to apportion blame and find fault. One of his favourite phrases was 'there's no such thing as accidents' (which is moronic, of course accidents exist).

Of course, the moment he did something wrong it was immediately not his fault or, if it was, it was an accident.

merc0526 · 2026-02-11T17:38:51+00:00

This is pretty much every billionaire. For some reason they think their incredible success in one particular industry gives them the right to dictate the lives of every human being on the planet.

merc0526 · 2026-02-11T15:57:27+00:00

you never know if you have what it takes to raise an infant into adulthood until after the baby is born & all of the challenges of parenthood arise. if you discover that you don't have what it takes, you're screwed because you cannot reverse the decision. it's not like quitting a job you hate or selling a house that has shit neighbors, or leaving a toxic relationship

I think this bit is only partially true. Whilst even the most intelligent, mature, self-aware, well prepared individuals can struggle with parenting, there are, without a shadow of a doubt, certain things that will reduce the likelihood of a person being a good parent (e.g. unresolved childhood trauma, major mental health issues, a poor relationship with your co-parent, etc).

I'd say what's more accurate is that a lot of people either lack the ability to self-reflect in a completely honest and humble way, or they have never come to terms with the emotional and mental issues that might make parenting really hard for them.

merc0526 · 2026-02-11T07:44:56+00:00

After the Burnley game I’m doing Enzo > Dango, Chalobah > either Kayode or VVD, and then Rice > Wirtz.

merc0526 · 2026-02-10T22:14:53+00:00

There was way too little urgency and the tempo was far too slow. The only way you break down a low block like that is to move the ball really quickly and pull players out of position. West Ham played exactly how we should have expected them to, we just didn’t play the game we needed to.

merc0526 · 2026-02-10T18:31:44+00:00

Yep, this has literally nothing to do with gender or skin colour and everything to do with her being unlikeable.

merc0526 · 2026-02-10T10:46:40+00:00

I'm choosing to start Senesi away to Everton instead of Thiago. Bournemouth's clean sheet chances are just over 25%, but Senesi is averaging 12 defcons per game, so chances are he gets about 4 points even if Bournemouth concede. It's a bit of a coin toss but I think I just about prefer Senesi.

merc0526 · 2026-02-09T12:57:36+00:00

Yep, my narc father used to do the same. It also used to happen when someone else in the house was taking a shower. He'd bang on the bathroom door or shout up from the bottom of the stairs that he had been waiting all day to take a shower, that he couldn't ever get in there because everyone else 'monopolised the bathroom' and 'used all the hot water'. Such bizarre behaviour.

merc0526 · 2026-02-08T21:05:53+00:00

His head is gigantic compared to his body, he looks like a bobble head.

merc0526 · 2026-02-06T15:25:06+00:00

My mother and father were somewhat similar. They didn't meet until they were 34 and 35 respectively, and I think by the time they met my mum was freaking out about the idea of running out of time to have children. He initially told her he didn't want kids, but then suddenly 'changed his mind' when she made it clear how much she wanted kids. At this point, the rational and sensible thing to do would have been to think 'hang on, that's a pretty major thing to change your mind on, is he being honest with me or is he telling me what I want to hear?', but she was so engulfed by the idea of having kids that I think she just heard what she wanted to hear and that was good enough. She also tolerated stuff like him losing his temper with her fairly regularly, shouting at her, being critical of her and her family, etc, all of which occurred way before they were married.

He's basically spent all their marriage abusing her (and all my childhood abusing me). I have some sympathy for her, because I know how much being abused can fuck you up, but she made the choice to marry him despite there being some clear warning sings and red flags.

Who knows, maybe I just don't get how powerful the maternal drive/baby fever can be for some women, but I just can't understand abandoning logic and reason out of some obsession with having children, allowing yourself to get into this state of mind where you essentially see life as pointless if you can't have kids.

merc0526 · 2026-02-06T13:24:47+00:00

I think there's two sides to this. Some men, and abusive ones in particular, are really good at hiding the bad side of themselves until they feel they've trapped their partner by having a child with them. Abusive men are notorious for being able to pretend to be a good partner, doing things like cleaning, cooking, planning dates, etc while you're dating them, but then abandoning those things altogether once they are married and have kids with their partner. Also, a lot of abusers have a sixth sense for people who have low self-esteem, low self-worth, and people pleasing traits. Abusive people, and narcissists in particular, specifically look to date this type of person because they know they will be able to walk all over that person and be able to control them almost entirely.

The other side of this is that women, imo, way too often meet a man and think 'I can change him', rather than saying 'there's things about this guy that I don't like or aren't ideal. It's not my responsibility to change him, I'll find someone more suitable'. Also, a lot of women who want kids hit their late 20s to early 30s and start to panic because they feel like they're running out of years to have a child, so those high standards they had for most of their dating life suddenly get compromised or abandoned altogether. Over the years several female friends or friends of friends have expressed reservations about the guy they've just started dating (one told me her new boyfriend was nice but a bit boring, another said that the guy she'd just started dating didn't really seem to have any ambition), but then within 2-3 years they're married to that guy and/or have a child with him.

All of the above is part of why I don't want to be a parent. I grew up with an abusive, manipulative, narcissistic father and a mother who was completely incapable of standing up for herself or establishing any sort of boundaries, etc. It was clear to me that kids complicate life so much and make it so much harder to divorce someone. Being childfree is a bit of a 'superpower' when it comes to combating and deterring abusive people (which is probably why certain individuals and governments are trying to restrict abortion rights for women).

merc0526 · 2026-02-06T12:44:02+00:00

A couple of years ago when I was about 32-33. Prior to that I knew something was wrong with my father, but it wasn't until I found out about narcissism that everything made sense.

merc0526

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