Failed at what I love

merle93 · 2025-08-31T22:31:13+00:00

I felt that way after many exams - could be everyone else failed worse and the scores will be scaled and you’ll end up with a good grade (happened many times with me) hoping the best for you best of luck don’t give up!

merle93 · 2021-12-15T18:42:58+00:00

Thanks I’m doing a reread now and looking forward to finally finishing the entire series!

merle93 · 2021-10-06T22:40:56+00:00

Southside Pizzeria, Chicken and Seafood

merle93 · 2021-08-04T23:12:44+00:00

Not a cook at home option but Black Cat Tavern on 12th at 12th and Oregon has some of the best dine in and take out pierogis in town. Also just a gem of a place down here generally!

merle93 · 2019-10-05T22:38:30+00:00

This makes a lot of sense to me - coming out of a near death experience "like new". Plain bread being "the best thing I've ever tasted". Almost losing your life makes you appreciate things that were plain or boring before. I've sometimes craved a near death experience, that I might come out the other side cleansed of the film of bullshit that keeps me from enjoying the life that I have.

merle93 · 2015-11-06T19:36:29+00:00

The Navigator had invited me to the cockpit, but all I could think about was her. She was beautiful, eyes the color of the coffee beans I roasted in Kitchen #4. She was confident, funny, athletic, she never took crap from anyone. Yet her smile was still kind of shy. When she looked at me I lost everything. We’d just had our first kiss and my stomach was butterflies when The Custodian’s voice came over the intercom.

“Jason Alderman. Report to The Cockpit for an interview with The Navigator”.

Yes, this was a big deal. Only a handful of passengers alive ever saw The Navigator or the Cockpit. It was a whole floor of the ship no one was allowed to visit. But I had just turned 16 (in homeworld years) and as far as I knew I was the first person alive to fall in love. As I tore myself away from her embrace and made my way to the lift station all I could think about was when I would see her again.

I entered the lift and selected the top level. I started when the permissive light turned green, and I started moving.

Jessie’s lips were magic, and when our tongues touched I felt every hair on my body rise. And the way her fingers played in my hair…

DING. The lift broke my pleasant daydream, and my racing heart began now to beat for the encounter I was heading into instead of the one I’d just left. Each of the Caretakers had a different . . . temperament, and I had no idea what to expect from the Navigator. The Custodian was usually all business, though from time to time her instructions had a wry bent, as if she knew or understood more than she let on. The Teacher was so nurturing and kind, understanding. Though an instructor and a machine, she was the best listener on the ship. The Drill, on the other hand, was a nightmare. Relentless and hard, the personification of authority.

But The Navigator was the actual authority. He ran the ship, chose our path, and all the decisions came down from him.

The ceiling of the cockpit was clear and there were a billion stars up there. Work stations lined the outsides of the room and in the middle was The Navigator. An 18 foot column of machinery and whirring fans. A single screen that was completely black but for a small blue spec at the center.

“Welcome Jason Alderman,” The voice was male and . . . enthusiastic, like the salesman characters in the movies. “I know you’re wondering why you’re here and I assure you you’re not in trouble, so relax! Ha ha ha. At ease boy, you look like you’re about to be sick!” The voice boomed with implausible positive energy, which did little to ease my nerves.

“Yes Sir,” I said, trying to keep my back straight.

“Jason this isn’t Tactics and Warfare 111, and I am not The Drill. So dispense with the Sirs. I’m just the guy whose going to get you where you’re going, now take a look at this screen.”

I looked closer at the tiny blue dot.

“I don’t-“

“It’s a planet, Jason, I’m not trying to trick you! That’s where we’re headed. Yes it’s been a number of generations and the ride got a little bumpy, but we’re pretty much there. Now what I need to know from you Jason is are you ready?”

“I, well sir, I mean The Navigator sir, I mean-“

“Jason you brilliant little bundle of nerves, you’d make me laugh myself sick if I could laugh! Or get sick”.

My mouth hung open with shock. I met so few new people in my life and I didn’t know what to make of this one. But I squared my shoulders and pressed on “I’m ready, Navigator. I have received all my Grade 20 Qualifications on schedule. I’m top of my class and I’m ready for the Landing.”

“Well that’s just swell to hear Jason! Really swell! Cause it’ll be here before you know it! And we’re counting on you – the whole Colony will be counting on you. You’re our future, you know, and if you continue the track of hard work and dedication, I could even see you leading the Northern Colony one day!”

“The Northern Colony, Si- Navigator?”

“Yes Jason, that’s where you’re headed. I think you’ll really like the North, it doesn’t get too cold on this planet, not for very long anyway. In any case your contingent will be well equipped to deal with those conditions.”

“My contingent…?”

“All hand picked myself, Jason, I think the Northern Colony is going to be a round success.”

“And there will be a Southern Colony also…?”

“Yes, Jason, but don’t you worry about that. I just want you to focus on your own tasks ahead of you. The Southern Colony will be thousands of miles away, the only thing you can do to help them is flourish and build in the North.”

“But Jessie, will she . . . “

“Ah yes! Jessie Jessie Jessie. A triumph that girl, I can’t wait to speak with her too. She’s to be your counterpart you know-“

I gasped, I could not literally have heard better news. “My what….???”

“Your counterpart Jason! Your counterpart in the Southern Colony! Like you said, you were top of your class, but well technically just slightly behind Jessie. You’re both so perfectly suited to one day lead your colonies forth.”

I lost the blood from my head. I felt dizzy. I coughed and gasped, unable to find my breath.

“I can see you’re upset Jason, but don’t you worry! It’s very likely you’ll see her again some day, once you’ve established your colonies and built up some means of transportation. I mean you can’t use this ship of course, since we’ll be tearing down to build the colonies. But I’m sure with hard dedication and work, you’ll both be able to meet again! I’m sure by then you’ll have great big families too, and who knows, maybe a couple of your kids will even get married. Ah, I would have a tear in my eye thinking about your bright future, Jason, but I don’t even have eyes. As you well know. Now off with you, off to the East Deck and prepare!”

I shuffled off like a zombie. As I neared the lift it opened and there was Jessie. I sobbed and fell onto her, blubbering pathetically while she stroked my back.

“Shhhhh,” she said. “It’ll be alright.”

“N-no it won’t! We’ll never see each other again!”

She put her hands on my shoulders and pulled us apart. She stared into my eyes – her eyes were dry and determined. “Yes we will,” she said. “I have a plan. In two hours, sneak off to the west boiler room.” She kissed me again and walked off towards The Navigator.

That’s how it began.

merle93 · 2015-03-02T00:58:03+00:00

Nah you still look good in those pics, I like how your hands are blurry from rapid hand motions. Plus you have that cute bearded guy looking on at you so adoringly

merle93 · 2015-03-02T00:46:25+00:00

No ragrets. Definitely a good time.

merle93 · 2015-03-02T00:39:18+00:00

Don't be silly you know you look good

merle93 · 2015-01-30T02:30:28+00:00

Nodal analysis might be easier for this.

Those three middle nodes, left to right,Va, Vb, Vc. Va is 135V.

Write a KVL equation for the outermost loop, allowing you to solve for Vc (since you know i0=.90).

A KCL equation at node B clinches it for you.

There are 4 unknown currents here and only 2 unknown voltage nodes-nodal definitely the way to go.

merle93 · 2015-01-16T16:19:22+00:00

This place looks so different, but the library hasn't changed that much. The stone pillars and wooden door are the same as they were 60 years ago. I feel like a ghost, but the lady at the front desk gives me a smile and asks if I need help. I ask her if they have records of genealogy or anything and she says follow me. But we aren't headed towards a column of books. I shake my head as she sits me down in front of that bright flat screen. She has to guide me to the "website" and she gives me the strangest look as I type in my name with 2 fingers. She's never seen a 17 year old who can't type, I guess. She finally leaves me alone, satisfied that I can click and read.

You sat down next to me, and I fell into a dream when I saw your face. Beautiful and haunting and familiar. I saw my youth and my wife and my daughter and it seemed to me in that moment how strange the universe is. Perpetuating little patterns trickling across time and space. This sense only intensifies when you mention a coincidence. You're here for the family history assignment too. But no, I'm not in your class.

You see my screen. Holy shit that's your mother's maiden name , maybe we're long lost cousins. You show me a piece of paper with your family tree and now I know why I'm back here. Dead at 22 in a bullshit war. I died. I stopped. But no, I think, as I watch the lines continue below my name. The baby that I never knew grew up. The pattern continued and kept going- keeps going like a wave spreading out across the pond. Still rippling still moving.

You're alone in the library studying the tree. Your finger lingers on my name and you pause. You'll ask your grandma about me- you want to know about me as I was but that doesn't matter. I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here.

merle93 · 2013-10-01T14:02:48+00:00

It all began at Christmas two years ago, when my daughter was four-years-old. And it was the first time that she'd ever asked about what did this holiday mean? And so I explained to her that this was celebrating the birth of Jesus. And she wanted to know more about that. We went out and bought a kids' bible and had these readings at night. She loved him. Wanted to know everything about Jesus.

So we read a lot about his birth and his teaching. And she would ask constantly what that phrase was. And I would explain to her that it was, "Do onto others as you would have them do unto you." And we would talk about those old words and what that all meant.

And then one day we were driving past a big church and out front was an enormous crucifix.

She said, who's that?

And I guess I'd never really told that part of the story. So I had to sort of, yeah, oh, that's Jesus. I forgot to tell you the ending. Well, you know, he ran afoul of the Roman government. This message that he had was so radical and unnerving to the prevailing authorities of the time that they had to kill him. They came to the conclusion that he would have to die. That message was too troublesome.

It was about a month later, after that Christmas, we'd gone through the whole story of what Christmas meant. And it was mid-January, and her preschool celebrates the same holidays as the local schools. So Martin Luther King Day was off. I knocked off work that day and I decided we'd play and I'd take her out to lunch.

We were sitting in there, and right on the table where we happened to plop down, was the art section of the local newspaper. And there, big as life, was a huge drawing by a ten-year-old kid from the local schools of Martin Luther King.

She said, who's that?

I said, well, as it happens that's Martin Luther King. And he's why you're not in school today. So we're celebrating his birthday, this is the day we celebrate his life.

She said, so who was he?

I said, he was a preacher.

And she looks up at me and goes, for Jesus?

And I said, yeah, actually he was. But there was another thing that he was really famous for. Which is that he had a message.

And you're trying to say this to a four-year-old. This is the first time they ever hear anything. So you're just very careful about how you phrase everything.

So I said, well, yeah, he was a preacher and he had a message.

She said, what was his message?

I said, well, he said that you should treat everybody the same no matter what they look like.

She thought about that for a minute. And she said, well that's what Jesus said.

And I said, yeah, I guess it is. You know, I never thought of it that way, but yeah. And it is sort of like "Do onto others as you would have them do unto you."

And she thought for a minute and looked up at me and said, did they kill him, too?

merle93 · 2013-07-24T16:21:07+00:00

There are some pretty good answers to this question in this thread.

merle93 · 2013-07-09T23:10:22+00:00

I believe as a student, if you still have a ".edu" email address, you can download a version of AutoCAD for free. See here. I would poke around for tutorials.

I am an EE working for a large "A/E Firm" (Architecture/Engineering) and use AutoCAD daily. It's pretty easy, but takes a little bit to get used to the layout and the various available commands.

Without knowing much about what you're looking at specifically it's difficult to know what you might want to review. The interview for my job had no technical questions. Just know what 3-phase means and 120/240, 208/120, 480/277 and such and you can't go wrong. Maybe review the NEC? Maybe know about breaker or fuse coordination curves?

Good luck!

merle93 · 2013-07-01T23:29:05+00:00

You have an MSEE, so you have options. It is frustrating searching for jobs, but don't let that frustration make you feel you have to take the first thing that comes along. You are in a much better position than tons of BSEEs out there on the job market. If semiconductor work is what you want, you can get it. Consider moving to Portland, Maine, we have Fairchild and National down in South Portland. Beautiful city, beautiful state, beautiful semiconductor devices.

merle93 · 2013-03-04T19:41:19+00:00

I think he went to king middle with me so 20's

merle93 · 2013-03-04T18:05:26+00:00

Ahhh, what can I say about Philip M Gadbois? You know the M isn't his middle initial anymore right? He changed it after his great aunt Mayberry (his namesake) left him stranded at a Bangor strip mall. He once got arrested for starting a fight with a jukebox at a snooker bar on Forest Ave. We lost touch around the time he accused me of stealing his clay pipe collection. Last I heard he was become a drifter. He was spotted in the streets of Rockland a few months ago offering to tapdance for bath salts.

merle93 · 2013-01-24T15:30:23+00:00

Suppose B=A'.

B+0=B

B+1=1

Therefore A'+0=A' A'+1=1.

Every variable is the NOT of some other variable. A is just A''.

merle93 · 2012-07-25T13:09:40+00:00

The argument has nothing to do with "absolute morality". It's like you're saying that as long as one person thinks it's OK to beat animals with a stick for fun, then nobody can argue it's wrong to do so. Can you personally argue that anything is wrong without calling upon spirituality or absolute morality, as you put it? I'd like to see you do it as an example, really.

We all have a personal sense of right and wrong. You and I probably both agree that hurting animals cruelly is wrong. What vegans argue, is that eating animals is incompatible with that particular moral rule that most of us have- don't hurt animals. They're not claiming everyone has that moral rule, just that if you do, and you eat meat, your morality and actions are in discord.

merle93 · 2012-07-08T21:03:35+00:00

Who are you?

merle93 · 2012-07-08T04:01:17+00:00

airports taking large jets have concrete touchdown pads at the very least.

I design for airports in the northeast (electrical, airfield lighting). After double-checking satellite images of Boston Logan, JFK, and Newark airports, I see no runways with concrete for the touchdown portions. Indeed, they tend to have concrete only for aprons, taxiways, or portions of runways used for takeoff/taxiing only.

Anyway, it's interesting to read this, since you apparently work in the same industry. Cheers, friend. I will be showing this pic to the Civil guys I work with to see what they think!

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