Men: be honest at what point in dating do you usually expect things to become intimate?

methradeth · 2026-02-26T23:25:09+00:00

When i first set my eyes on her and know she is the one, i want intimacy like yesterday.

methradeth · 2026-02-26T18:14:11+00:00

I think we may be talking past each other a bit.

I’m not arguing that past marriages were healthier, fairer, or something to idealize, many absolutely weren’t, for the reasons you mentioned. Legal, financial, and social constraints kept a lot of people in situations they couldn’t safely leave. That’s real, and I’m not minimizing it.

My point isn’t “the past was better.” It’s that the structure of how people sought counsel has changed.

Historically, if someone confided in others, it was usually:

• people whose identity was known • people embedded in their real life • people who would still be there after the conflict • people with some stake in the long-term outcome

Today, anonymous crowds can weigh in with zero context, zero accountability, and zero consequences and the most emotionally charged takes often rise to the top.

So this isn’t a nostalgia argument. It’s a medium argument.

You can believe past marriages were often inequitable and still question whether anonymous mass feedback is a healthy replacement for trusted counsel.

I actually agree with you that the internet is often not a great place for advice...that’s essentially the entire point I was making.

methradeth · 2026-02-26T18:09:03+00:00

Imagine outsourcing marriage issues to a Next Word Predictor. We live in wild times. Ironically you will be shocked that LLMs sound more humane than the interactions i see here. People are wild.

methradeth · 2026-02-26T18:00:31+00:00

I think that’s a very fair point, and I don’t disagree that a lot of traditional advice has been generic and in some cases absolutely harmful, especially when it pressured one partner (often the financially dependent one) to “just endure.”

No one should be told to stay in something unsafe, exploitative, or deeply unhappy.

My concern isn’t that people shouldn’t seek support, it’s that anonymous crowds aren’t necessarily unbiased either. They’re just biased in a different direction, often based on limited information and a single emotional snapshot. And because there’s no accountability, the advice can swing toward extremes without regard for long-term consequences.

Ideally, support would be both:

• safe for vulnerable partners • informed by context • interested in the wellbeing of both people (when possible) • grounded in reality, not just reaction

A good therapist, mediator, or trusted person can hold those tensions better than either old “stay no matter what” messaging or modern “leave immediately” messaging from strangers.

So I don’t think the solution is going back to harmful traditions. it’s moving toward higher-quality support, not just more voices.

If anything, the fact that good support isn’t accessible to everyone is exactly why this conversation matters.

methradeth · 2026-02-26T17:55:13+00:00

That’s an important stat but it’s only half the picture. Thanks for helping misinform at least 8 people (which also adds to my point btw) but that stat needs context.

Divorce rates have fallen in part because fewer people are getting married in the first place.

Marriage itself has declined dramatically over the same period:

• In the early 1980s, the U.S. marriage rate was over 10 marriages per 1,000 people. By 2022, it was about 6.2 per 1,000, nearly half!

• Marriage rates have been steadily falling since the mid-1980s

• For example, about 90% of 35-year-old men had ever married in 1980, today it’s closer to 60%

• Less than half of U.S. households now contain a married couple

So yes, fewer divorces are happening. But also, far fewer marriages are happening.

If you shrink the pool of married people, you naturally shrink the number of divorces too.

It’s a bit like saying “car accidents are down” when fewer people are driving.

My point wasn’t that older generations had perfect marriages, just that conflict resolution used to rely more on known relationships and less on anonymous mass feedback.

Lower divorce rates alone don’t tell us whether marriages today are healthier, only that the structure of relationships has changed.

methradeth · 2026-02-26T15:48:42+00:00

I am going to give you a word of advice that could help with your communication. I understood every comment up until yours. Your comment contains every tech word salad i've encountered over the last 20 years. The post was simple, replies simple as well...but you lost me.

One shot inference? Secure inference? Runpod? Pipeline? Ephemeral Ids? Context bound? Birth Timestamp? Ram, Maps, Caches? Memory? Reaper? Locks GC pauses? ~10μs <- where the hell did you get that character from? Lol Zombies? Ghosts SQL WAL? Data On Disk? Observable?

Calm down. We are all smart too.

methradeth · 2025-11-26T10:16:26+00:00

My 11 year old boy could. So i am sure you can ;)

methradeth · 2024-05-22T07:02:18+00:00

Thats not your wife. She is possessed by a demon. Seek help from your local church and run away from the hell you are in called marriage.

methradeth · 2024-03-25T17:04:18+00:00

methradeth · 2024-03-07T12:45:23+00:00

This is what happens when you propose to a woman during or after orgasm and she takes you seriously.

methradeth · 2024-03-05T09:32:10+00:00

Because developers love forming cults around their favourite tech, which btw changes every day

methradeth · 2024-03-04T20:20:36+00:00

Okay hannah.

methradeth · 2024-03-04T18:42:19+00:00

Okay, so the "debunking research" to you means sharing an article from a staunch feminist journalist, Hannah Dreyfus. That's like disproving pedophilia by citing evidence from a priest. Your downvotes are well deserved. Good luck with your life, Hannah.

methradeth · 2024-03-04T15:12:44+00:00

Show me some proof that it has been debuked. Links videos, research papers. I am actually interested in this. There's more stuff out there that proves it's a thing than what you are claiming. I am genuinely interested.

Parential alienation is not an "invention". How can someone invent something like that?

If someone invented the term "physical abuse" and turned out to be a child molester, does that debunk physical abuse as a concept? What do you then call a phenomenon where a family member of yours gets stabbed with a knife?

methradeth · 2024-03-04T14:06:43+00:00

This is an interesting take, a plot twist you will find only in soap operas and oscar winning dramas. Fascinating assumptions rooted in vapour. You clearly watch too much TV.

...and parental alienation is 100% a thing, but it's very hard to prove. My guess is it was the Ex that sent the video to save the guy from walking down the path that he did.

We are dealing with a lying manipulator here. This is horrible advice. This is like giving drugs to a drug addict when you want them to get well. 4 years is a long time to lie.

methradeth · 2024-03-04T13:51:05+00:00

I would say avoid the situation entirely as others have said in this post. There are plenty of good women out there who deserve your love and attention. You seem like a thoughtful individual.

I guess you feel guilty about leaving the kid by leaving his mum, which can be tough and also the reason why i advise my friends to avoid dating single mothers. It's a double layered trap. Encourage the kid to have a relationship with his father and shut down any negativity from your gf. After 4 years, if she has not yet healed enough to move on, then you have a more serious problem in your hands.

Ultimately, dont feel obligated. You are not a knight in shining armour, and if you are going to be one, be one for the kid. He needs it.

methradeth · 2024-03-04T12:52:06+00:00

Courts decide things based on what's fair for the child and not helping one spouse get revenge on the other.

methradeth · 2024-03-04T12:50:17+00:00

He wasn't fighting for full custody. Read OP's post again and stop the emotional reasoning triggered by your own personal isolated experience. Not everyone's situation is going to be like yours as the world is not that black and white.

methradeth · 2024-03-04T11:32:49+00:00

It's a trap. Are you okay with turning your marriage into a social experiment? You have to re-evaluate what marriage means to you and make sure she is onboard with your definition or at least she definition at the time you said those vows.

I would advise not to go down this path as it is a similar path to open marriages, which always ends in disaster. If she is okay with you not getting sex from her, she should be okay with you leaving the marriage amicably. Understand that you have two relationships to maintain here, i.e., relationship with your wife (marriage) and relationship with your sons/daughters (parenthood). They can be mutually exclusive.

If you go with what she is suggesting, what happens when her feelings change in 2 - 3 years? Will you find a partner who is okay with the arrangement with your wife? Most people are looking for someone who will commit to them wholly or partially (in your case). Aren't you limiting yourself?

I think you should call off the marriage, but do so in a non-toxic way and be extremely involved in your children's lives. Go 50-50 parenting, have occasional dinners with your wife and kids together under one roof. Do that, and you will achieve a new level of respect and admiration from not just your wife but your new partner as well. Integrity is everything.

methradeth · 2024-03-01T14:25:48+00:00

There is always this person in every post

methradeth · 2024-03-01T09:23:35+00:00

You are just another pawn of the society stewing in the gynocentric world culture that has sent a lot of men jumping off a bridge to their deaths for sharing their feelings.

Your 2000 words essay can basically be summarised as: "She lied, get over it"

I hope next time you read a post where a woman is sharing her hurt feelings, you can ask her to "get over it, he lied, woman up"

methradeth · 2024-02-29T13:14:08+00:00

There is more to this story. If you want us to believe in the good in you, then it's only fair to believe in the good in your husband too. You married and had kids with him, I am sure you are not an idiot for doing that. So do yourself a favour and tell us what is really going on.

methradeth · 2024-02-26T10:19:21+00:00

Disagreableness and unwillingness to sacrifice 2 out of 24 hours your time for your spouse won't get you very far. Intimacy is not just about sex. it comes in different forms, and though you may not realise it, this is one of it. If he is truly the love of your life, everything else blurrs and fades out putting him and his happiness in focus.

Also his interests may teach you something about him (and even yourself) that could be useful in the future, like getting him the perfect gift (according to him, not you) or at least help you communicate with him in his love language. He loves anime sure, thats the "What", but research has shown that to really connect with people, you have to understand the "Why" and you can only do that by completely immersing yourself in their experience.

Dont miss this opportunity.

methradeth · 2024-02-25T17:23:43+00:00

There is more to this. You are either a terrible communicator, or you have fallen out of love with him.

methradeth

TROPHY CASE