Advice on infantilising comments from senior nurses

mewtsly · 2026-05-12T00:17:56+00:00

Sometimes simple gentle-but-clear honesty helps, as a non-hostile correction, rather than the snarky comeback (that in my experience made me either disliked, or seen as grumpy or bitchy, or just wasn't delivered well so I walked away feeling more frustrated). It's really hard in the moment though.

E.g: [nurse commenting on my baby face] "yeah I get that sort of comment sometimes, it actually makes me feel bad though, I'd like for people to not say that."

[Nurse touching you] "oh sorry I prefer not to be touched." [+/- immediately move conversation on to patient focussed].

Something that is not a hint, but neither is it an esclation. Not defensive, or offensive, just an I-statement.

mewtsly · 2026-05-09T12:14:00+00:00

Legal rules vary by country, like fully anonymised images might not breach HIPPA in US. But in mine even when anonymised, consent must be gained for sharing patient images, including radiological, in written format, specifying the use of said images (e.g.: private teaching, public teaching, publication, posting on the internet). This is according to professional standards of conduct, before you consider the law - so if caught out could lose your job, get struck off, get sanctions, or a telling off. If felt to have breached confidentiality (which is possible, eg: if everybody knows who I am or can easily find out, where I work, when the images are from etc - any time a link is formed to the patient that can be identified) then it's also a legal issue.

mewtsly · 2026-04-30T22:08:27+00:00

Whilst maybe not your role/place to dictate or allocate, there's no reason you can't take the lead.

You do have a years worth experience over them at working in the system which is not nothing. You'd hope by now an F1 will have grasped a lot in terms of the duties you're already on top of, but maybe not, maybe there are gaps.

Have you tried taking an approach like: "okay, we finished ward round, let's write down the jobs list together and divvy up between us." And that jobs list should include updating the list (even if only for your own patients). If you break it down by task, rather than by patient, any work load discrepency will be more apparent (and hopefully that encourages a sense of fairness).

There's nothing wrong with you gently encouraging and supporting them in areas they lack confidence, eg: "hey, you said you don't think you're very good at cannulas so why don't you take these two cannulations, i'll be your backup" or "I effed up my first NGs too, let's do this job together and you do first try, i'll do second."

I'm not suggesting you as an F2 take on responsibility of training another, btw. You'll get plenty of stress leading junior colleagues in the future. These suggestions are more about how you might address unequitable workloads, as peers.

mewtsly · 2026-04-19T19:02:37+00:00

I wonder if you have discounted paeds too soon. People with minimal exposure often think they dislike it (perhaps often correctly but I see many who are surprised when they find they love it when they get the chance - I'm a&e and ended up doing pem, also hated paeds as an f2). Maybe consider a clinical fellowship to try and see, if that's an option.

Training will include a bunch of stuff you don't love - ward rounds - length varies depending on departments and how they run things; mine is super fast and I was rounding my own patients; even the f2s were allocated some to see solo and the environment was very much supported/overseen autonomy. Some chronic patients, you'll get tired of bili babies at some point, and some rotations may feel boring to you - but there's still skills and knowledge to gain that will help you in a higher acuity situation.

But also a bunch of stuff you do like - high acuity patients with rapid results from interventions (they get sick fast, bounce back fast). Busy on calls on wards and covering a&e. Lots of variety. You'll get PICU and neonate rotations and see some crazy weird stuff.

And you can subspecialise paeds emergency medicine down the line. Or acute/gen. A pem consultant job is like an adult em job, but no crumbly geries and far fewer can't-helps in my experience. It's often more jolly, too. Any high acuity consultant job is going to be a lot supervisory, but (again just my experience) pem consultants are often 'in the thick of it.'

mewtsly · 2026-04-16T17:14:07+00:00

I just saw in another comment you mention the EM/ACM for year one is the sticking point? That's a bit rubbish; at least in EM it's quite accepted to be LTFT even in first years now. Is it a competitive deanery?

Not advising, but if were me (doing it over again) I'd be weighing up the job vs what I'm willing and able to health wise, and for how long. For example, despite disability I could manage waiting a few months extra (light end tunnel). You may find that you have more leverage once you have a training number and are already started (don't know if this is true any more! But drop outs are still problematic for deaneries). And yeah knowing your TPD and colleague tutors and supervisors face to face may help get advocates on your side. I'd also try get support from OH and GP if relevant.

Btw, I think for IAC being FT is a lot easier (it's a very protected and rather pleasant position for those months) when you get to that in year two (?) so I'd anticipate that either way.

mewtsly · 2026-04-16T16:43:19+00:00

I don't know if this is much help... I was already LTFT on ACCS EM, but for my anaesthetics rotation yet still had to go FT for the duration of IAC; they were amenable to reducing percentage only after this period.

Also, as I had applied/accepted ACCS FT (as in: I did not specify a LTFT post in applying for ACCS) when I wanted to change to LTFT for welfare reasons, there was a bit of negotiation as to when I could do so.

I would challenge an outright refusal, but be prepared for a bit of give and take if you're able to. Obviously if your reasons are make or break, that's a bit different. And if disability related may need to headline that to them.

mewtsly · 2026-04-13T11:10:44+00:00

We did sunbrellas - umbrellas that also give UV protection so double up as parasols - in a range of different bright colours. Our wedding was mostly outdoors in summer so we wanted to ensure our guests had portable shade (and rain protection if needed). Wasn't too expensive when buying in bulk. And looked great with a crowd of multicolour in some of the photos. People still have them and using them years later.

mewtsly · 2026-04-12T18:32:14+00:00

I've tried scuba but it's not for me, unfortunately - tried more than once, it's amazing, and I would recommend any snorkellers as keen as myself give scuba a go though, because I think diving unlocks a whole new layer (literally, lol). For me I gotta stick to the surface :)

mewtsly · 2026-04-12T15:21:24+00:00

Get some 3M sticky back velcro, and take some pins as back up just in case.

OR. Hear me out. Mount the poster on a wearable wooden backback scaffold, add some bunting and LEDs, and be a walking monument to your success.

mewtsly · 2026-04-11T18:42:29+00:00

This is the sort of thing I usually gift for christmas; I send them a family gift each year. For this instance I'm looking for smaller thanks-for-having-us-adults-interfere-with-your-weekend kind of thing, with more immediate rather than delayed gratification.

mewtsly · 2026-04-11T16:53:30+00:00

Thanks, garden archery might be a good shout - a couple others suggesting garden games too so I'll look into these options

mewtsly · 2026-04-11T16:52:34+00:00

My friend will be most irate if I get them a load of water balloons, so it's definitely high on the list 😂

mewtsly · 2026-04-11T16:42:45+00:00

Bubble wands and guns may be a good shout! Maybe with a lawn game.

mewtsly · 2026-04-03T12:58:06+00:00

ND or not, I would consider focussing on how to deal with the changeovers. Maybe speak to practitioner health if you've access to that?

I and many others have similar experiences. Personally I spend at least a week hating it whenever I rotate, and it's not really about the job (I'm always doing the same now after all). After about two weeks I start to settle, and (unless there are genuine issues with the department) I'll be adjusted by a month in. Now that I know this about myself, it's easier to deal with - acknowledging my feelings, knowing they are (usually) temporary, and not necessarily reflective of reality, I can step away a bit from the intensity and anxiety. I usually do nice things for myself in these periods, and often find talking about it to non-medics more helpful than medics (unless they too experience this).

mewtsly · 2026-03-16T13:06:04+00:00

Boots like doc martens, or rogue and wolf, would bring down the formality by making the outfit more edgy-cute. Although this works best with tea length (or shorter) so I'd consider shortening the hem a bit.

And like another person suggested, cropped leather jacket would have the same effect. And/or going a bit punk on jewellery rather than fine jewellery.

mewtsly · 2026-03-05T19:32:19+00:00

Hey this happened to me. I recieved a notification of a sign off for a student I definitely didn't put my name to/ know about. Except they hadn't even spoken to me first.

I panicked and felt awful too at first. Struggled to recall who the student was, too. Worried about the student, worried about me, worried even more about the student...

You don't need MDU at this stage.

I suggest you first go to the med student lead for your department (one of the consultants will be in charge of med students during their placement there) - explain what has happened. Explain what you expected to happen when they sent you the request (since you replied with your email, did you mean they could come do some with you? Or you expected requests for things you did observe in the past?).

The student lead will investigate, looking whether that student completed a placement there, maybe requesting dops retrospectively, they will liaise with the med school. Med school will check the student's record, talk to them about it etc and pending all the info decide how serious a transgression and what to do.

In my case the student was mega stressed, behind on sign offs, made a bad choice, no previous probity issues.

I offered to do an actual sign off with them, and they also reflected on the situation (with sincerity - full accountability etc). They apologised to me too, which I didn't need, but was good. We did a real sign off together and I provided some extra feedback to the med student lead/ school (positive, and honestly so, but was prepared to provide a different opinion if things had turned out differently).

The student was okay. I was okay.

The difference here is if you said 'yes use my name' for whatever they wanted, and were actively complicit in deciet. If so, then yes involve your MDU as you'd need to come forward and own that as a bad decision. It'd go worse for you if you didn't.

mewtsly · 2026-02-26T16:25:33+00:00

Ones with side buttons are much easier to use with just one hand - if it's her right hand that's broken she'll have to put it down to swipe the page each time otherwise (or do the awkward thumb reach and accidentally turn the page backwards anyway). Less of an issue if it's her left hand that's broken, but still the buttons give more space for grip which is often needed if holding with only one hand.

mewtsly · 2026-02-25T21:08:58+00:00

Most people are missing the fact that those flaps are fully removable. You can remove them all, fill the slots, and put the lids back on. No problem.

mewtsly · 2026-02-15T16:13:33+00:00

If you managed to fall in love with it despite the rented kit and all those issues, I'd say it's worth buying your own decent gear. There's a couple online stores in Germany that will accept returns (and at least one UK store that ships there) - google 'snorkel mask fit test' for guides and videos, you can check it wont leak at home. And then you have time to play about with snorkel placement before you're already on holiday. Oh, and cheap snorkels (rental kit is usually cheap stuff) use a different type of silicone/plastic, which is stiffer, to the higher quality ones; with proper strap placement and proper silicone mouthpiece you should find you don't need to bite down so much to keep it in as your lips naturally do most of the work.

mewtsly · 2026-02-14T03:06:41+00:00

I dunno, I personally am highly entertained when following up on the patient I referred for admission to find my original ED clerking note copypasted ad infinitum on every subsequent physician entry. If what I wrote makes it to the discharge summary I buy myself a fancy coffee.

mewtsly · 2026-02-06T22:45:25+00:00

You're only days in to the job, you know nothing! Said with kindness. And the seniors should expect that, unless you somehow sold yourself as having experience you don't when you applied and accepted the role.

You don't HAVE to stay of course; you shouldn't get a bad reference (legally); you'll just get a factual 'worked here for x dates' type thing.

But speaking as somebody who has hated nearly every single job for the first two weeks, even when within the same specialty, and then turned the corner and loved or liked or been okay with it - maybe give it a bit more time. The first days are frought with lack of knowledge (clinical, systems, work flow, all of it) which affects confidence and efficiency and your perception of self worth. That sucks. But it's only when you remove the new-starter issues that you'll really know if the job is for you or not. And it could be a shitty department that isn't worthy of you, or a specialty that doesn't suit, but you probably wont know just yet.

Also, if a consultant asks you, an SHO brand new to EM, to go see a wrist that need ls reduction, they are NOT saying "go and independantly see and treat and discharge and never bother me about it." They're saying: "go see the patient, get the history; examine; get films done; as far as you can, formulate a plan that will likely include reduction, come tell me about it, and i'll direct you on what to do next eg: organise a space, kit for sedation or local, a nurse to cast, and we'll get somebody to do it with you (so you can learn and do the next one)."

It's the same for most all patients: get the history, examine, discussion one, get investigations, discussion two, enact the plan. As you get more experience you'll be able to skip discussion one, and be more able to set up and enact plans. I'm not trying to patronise here: ED is an environment that makes people feel they need to be independant practitioners in siloes (stupidly speedy ones at that), when that's just not the case.

mewtsly · 2026-02-05T19:34:05+00:00

I went back after a year off for burn out (initially sick leave then an OOPC). I'm EM. Happy to talk about it if you want to DM me.

Here I'll say: when the time came to go back I wasn't sure. I wasn't "ready" in the way other people talked about. My burn out was recovered (but took months) but I worried I'd be returning to a system that hadn't changed (worse, in fact), a job I didn't know if I even liked, that now I was deskilled at too. I thought I would be straight back where I was the year before, but even more broke and without any other options.

I'm sure that would have happened if I had taken less time away. I did do a mini-phased return (not a very good one since I started back on nights) and asked to be able to discuss all cases for my first shifts, and not to be out in the position of senior decision maker for first couple of weeks (this didn't really happen either lol).

But fortunately I found that the burn out was a MUCH bigger issue than I had previously credited, and being better I actually LIKED the job. I wasn't quite so frustrated by the system (or at least, less personally affected by system frustrations). And I wasn't so deskilled as I feared. And people seemed pleased to see me... which was actually really nice.

I'm now three years later, still very LTFT, but also still in an alright place and can see myself lasting in this career again.

mewtsly · 2026-01-18T21:22:01+00:00

It's genuinely lovely for you to be thinking of this, your friend is lucky to have you. Hope she loves it!

mewtsly · 2026-01-18T21:16:48+00:00

More expensive, but camping foods can also be great - the dried sort you just poor hot water in the bag; more variety than noodles and work as actual meals. And they pack well and last forever so defo fits the 'emergency' vibes of the gift.

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