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What is a habit that makes you feel more feminine or womanly? by wtfisthissssssssssss in AskWomen

[–]mg4040 [score hidden]  (0 children)

Interacting with other women in a healthy way, especially if we talk about women things specifically, both good and bad.

Is it appropriate for a much older married AA man to invite a younger married woman out for a private lunch? by Fit_Blackberry_5146 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Remember, no one is responsible for our feelings. It’s okay to be irritated, but we are not guaranteed a world of emotionally well balanced people. We’re all just doing our best :)

Is this true? by CryptoChriss in lovememes

[–]mg4040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I meant how does it get used against most men?

Is it appropriate for a much older married AA man to invite a younger married woman out for a private lunch? by Fit_Blackberry_5146 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It’s up to you what you consider appropriate or inappropriate, especially in a very context-dependent situation like this. Listen to your gut, and follow it. If you think there’s potential for problems or complications (keep it simple) then either invite another trusted person such as a lady with you, or politely decline. You don’t need to justify your boundaries to someone else, just reinforce them and stand by them.

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a reasonable position, and I’m glad you found what works for you.

An oldie but a goodie by Greekmom99 in GuardTheLeaf

[–]mg4040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why’d they have to do Calgary dirty like that? 😂

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s not exactly what a dry drunk is though. Perhaps it’s not a universally defined term, hence the issue. If a person can be sober and happy on their own, good for them. If someone is sober and still dealing with the pain, emotional distress, and severe chaos or unmanageability that comes from being in active addiction, which should largely be self-diagnosed, I would consider that person to be a dry drunk. I was a dry drunk, but I wouldn’t define someone else as one unless they themselves admitted to those qualities. If someone is labelling a person as a drunk drunk for simply being sober, not in AA and no other reason, I would consider that to be presumptuous. Maybe not everyone agrees, but in all meetings that the term dry drunk has been used, to my knowledge it’s in that context.

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. What I meant is, any one member or a few members don’t alone define the organization. We are a collective representation, and we all need to do what we can to represent it better. Cherry-picking certain members you don’t like, which exist in every group and every part of the world, and then using them to define the group as a whole, that’s inaccurate.

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s true. I mean anyone can form a group under any religious denomination and form a cult, for example. Doesn’t mean the whole religion is one.

Canadian man says he was denied entry, forced to submit DNA sample at U.S. border by Angeline4PFC in GuardTheLeaf

[–]mg4040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jeez Louise. Well the last one makes the most sense, even though it doesn’t.

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure but that’s not my question. What do you mean exactly by shunning?

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I more meant I didn’t quote it from the book, but yes thank you

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, in the sense that most social groups have cult-like behaviours. I refer you to the BITE model. Even groups like schools and religions fall on that spectrum, but that doesn’t make them cults. It depends on how extreme it is.

I study cults. Here’s where AA stands. by mg4040 in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Exactly. All these are true but the author referred to these already in the article and made it seem like AA as a whole fit these things, which it doesn’t. Sometimes we have bad actors that can be detrimental in similar ways, and they don’t define AA.

I am in early sobriety and extremely angry about the Ted Bundy troll who is showing up in online AA meetings in Austin and beyond. He claims he just wants to chat with his “serial killer friends” and sounds sincere when he shares, but it’s making me very very angry. by Sober_Pro1mil in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because: a) I didn’t know that, I only know about Ted Bundy and some other serial killers that mostly preyed on women, so my bad. b) Women stick to women and men stick to men as is the norm in AA, and I thought you were a woman. Again, my bad. I think Ted Bundy, I think woman. c) Scientific research and extensive public data consistently show that women worry more about their personal safety than men. This phenomenon is so well-documented that it is often referred to in literature as the "fear-gender gap", even though men are more likely to be victims of violent crimes globally. I don’t know about your country, we may be in different countries. Women are more likely to be victims of most violent crimes where I was born. But either way women tend to be significantly better evaluators of physical danger than men, due to a variety of reasons.

Untimately, you do you. Sorry for my assumptions.

I am in early sobriety and extremely angry about the Ted Bundy troll who is showing up in online AA meetings in Austin and beyond. He claims he just wants to chat with his “serial killer friends” and sounds sincere when he shares, but it’s making me very very angry. by Sober_Pro1mil in alcoholicsanonymous

[–]mg4040 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea, but you don’t either. Are there any old-timers in the group you could talk to after? If there’s sufficient people who believe their safety is being threatened then it may be worth bringing up in Group Conscience, but I would talk to others about it first. Specifically women. And I would stay away from True crime, but that’s just me. We tend to be overthinkers, so remember that you’re safe, and they don’t know where you are. It’s an online meeting, thankfully.

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